


I Will Never Believe In Anything Again

by poohsweatervest



Series: Take This to Your Grave [1]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-30
Updated: 2013-11-01
Packaged: 2017-12-31 00:05:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 54
Words: 57,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1024975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poohsweatervest/pseuds/poohsweatervest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Gavin comes to America for his last year of school, he starts a YouTube channel to record his personal thoughts to keep him sane. Little does he know, he has a secret watcher that’s closer than you think.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a cross post of my fic! The original is on my tumblr but I thought I would post it here as well.  
> Orignial authors note: I fucking suck at fics, I write them like I would novels. I’m also probably really bad at catching character traits. I’m also very cheesy.

 Looking at myself had never been so nerve-wracking. I examined my face in the monitor over and over again, going over every little detail. Stupid, big nose. Green eyes. Dirty blonde hair pointing in every direction. I was a mess as always, but I looked slightly better than how I normally looked.

I looked into the camera that was perched on my monitor. It was the day that I would post my first video on YouTube. At the time, I didn't know what the video would be about. Starting over time after time, taking three tries before I could even utter words. Six times total. Before every attempt to record, I would take a deep breath and repeat to myself, “C'mon, Gavin, this is the one.” It never was. I would choke up or say something stupid every single time.

Running my hands through my hair, I exhaled and leaned back. _This was it._

I pressed the record button and went with it.

“Um, hello! If you're watching this right now, it means you're watching my first ever YouTube video.” I gave a fake smile. “It's about seven in the a.m. right now so I haven't got much time to shoot this, but I just wanted to make a short video before the first day of my last year of high school.” Pausing to think where I was going with the video, I looked down and scrunched my eyebrows. I continued talking with my eyes on my hands, which were folded in my lap. “See, this will be my first year in a school within America. I've spent nearly my entire life in the UK and don't know what to expect. I'm nervous and tense and all sorts of anxious. I really don't want to go...” I trailed off and looked at my face on the monitor. “Maybe it won't be so bad. All I know is that I have to confess something here so I won't do it in school.” Exhaling deeply, I looked back into the lens of the camera. “I am attracted to men, and I am 100% scared of the American school system.” I rolled my eyes at my own words. Did I really need to say that on a video that no one would even watch? “Well, whatever then. I'm off to school.”

I pressed the stop button and rubbed the fingers of my left hand across my eyelids. I set up the footage so it would upload while I was gone. A YouTube under an email that I never gave out, not even under my real name. No one would find my video. Just the way I wanted it. My channel was meant to be more of a diary than it would be for entertainment.

Getting up from my place in front of my desk, I slung my back pack over my shoulder and headed out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Gavin comes to America for his last year of school, he starts a YouTube channel to record his personal thoughts to keep him sane. Little does he know, he has a secret watcher that’s closer than you think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Going through my old notes, I realized I did a lot of things I said I would never do again.  
> Original author's notes: Where the hell am I going with this fic? Also it probably won’t change perspective like this again, I just wanted to get some info about michael in but idk

 My phone buzzed in my pocket as I pulled up to the school in my beat to shit truck. I remember thinking to myself, “Who could that possibly be?” Upon further inspection, it was Lindsay, my childhood friend. We'd been close pretty much the moment I met her. She even tried to ask me out once. I had to decline. I told her I just wasn't interested, though she weaseled the truth out of me pretty easily.

The message included a link to a YouTube video, as they often did.

_Look, Mikey! I found this one in the recently uploaded section this morning! Cute, right?_

I sighed and smiled. She was a little too supporting for her own good. I clicked on the link and glanced at the boys face, barely illuminated by the back light of his computer screen. I normally didn't pay much attention to the videos she sent me. The guys she picked were always over the top.

I typed a reply back to her quickly. Something typical that would make her think I watched the full video.

_Lins, u always pick ppl way out of my league -_-_

I exited my truck with back pack and new school supplies in hand. My phone buzzed again very shortly after I sent my reply.

_Quit belittling yourself, Michael Jones_

I didn't really like to get down on myself. It wasn't really my style. It was just one of the ways to get Lindsay off my back for a while. Being quarter back of the football team came with it's own brand of confidence.

My dad held me back my ninth grade year because he saw my potential, but didn't believe in my grade to do well. I guess it worked, because I was the star player. I had the entire school pretty much drooling at my feet. I could have any cheerleader I wanted whenever I wanted. I took advantage of that a lot over the summer. Pretty much a different girl every week, using them then tossing them. Of course, it was also part of an elaborate sham to throw the talent agents off of the truth. Plus, it's not like I didn't like the feeling, it's just that I would rather the feeling be received by other means.

I thought about the video Lindsay sent me and thought, “Why not?” Opening the link again, I was about to subscribe

I rounded the corner to enter the building and smacked into someone and dropped my phone along with all of my notebooks. Watching the phone hit the ground on the corner I panicked and immediately leaned down to gather my things, slamming heads with the person opposite me. I slowly grew more and more furious.

“Hey!” I instinctively said, maybe a little too loudly. I looked at the boy as he looked at me and he hid his face partially behind a notebook, thinking I was going to punch him. “Watch where you're fucking going!”

I gathered the rest of my things and began to walk into the school again when I heard a smooth British accent call to me, “Sorry, mate!”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's notes: The introduction of side characters! I tried so hard to make Joel’s character hysterical in a serious way but idk. loodeedoo

 My notepad fell to the ground as I ran into someone. I was completely zoned out, looking up at the looming school. I should have been paying attention.

My heart stopped beating when I looked up at him. Curly auburn hair overflowing from a green beanie. Freckles sprinkled across his face. Glasses overlaying his brown eyes. He was gorgeous and I had just ran into him. I saw the rage in his eyes as he watched his phone hit the ground with a thud.

 _Maybe if I got it for him_ , I thought, bending down to pick it up, apparently, at the exact same time he decided to. We smacked our heads together and I could feel a headache coming on very quickly. It hit with such force and he seemed to be completely unfazed.

His face turned beet red as he gathered his things. I grabbed my notebook only to use it as a protective barrier in case he had the intention of hitting me. _Wouldn't that be a great first day?_ I thought. _Being punched in front of the school sounds fitting._

He met my eye and screamed, “Hey!” Getting up in my face. I put my notebook between us as he spat “Watch where you're fucking going!” He then stormed off into the building and all I could think of was to call after him apologizing, though I'm not entirely sure that he heard me.

Rubbing a hand on the back of my neck I sighed heavily. “Stupid,” I muttered under my breath. It wasn't really directed at anyone but myself and the scene that had just taken place. I looked to my sides and girls and boys alike were staring and whispering. I felt the weight of their gazes cut me like a knife. I have never wanted to give up on anything so badly, but I knew I had to trudge on.

“Hey, man!” A voice called from behind me. I turned to meet it and saw a man the same height as me with dark hair and glasses. He was wearing a t-shirt with the Sega logo across his chest, along with khaki shorts. He looked very casually dressed for the school's dress code. “You alright?” He asked me.

“Y-yeah,” I stuttered, still shook up. “I suppose I will be.” Faking a smile, the man chuckled and held out his hand.

“I'm Ray. You must be new here right?”

Taking his hand and shaking it back, I replied with a short, “Is it that obvious?” He chuckled again. “Gavin, by the way.”

“Ah, cool, I don't think I know any British Gavins.” He put his hands in his pockets. “You really shouldn't worry about that guy.” He motioned for us to walk into the school by nodding in that direction and I opened the door as he followed.

“Who was he exactly?” I questioned, trying to pry for more information on the attractive man.

“That would be Michael Jones, first string quarter back and star of the varsity football team.” He said it so casually, as if it shouldn't be new news to anyone.

His name did sound like it carried a bit of weight, though I wasn't entirely sure on the details of American high school football. “I see.” I replied.

“So where's your home room?” Ray asked, looking at me with a questioning look.

I opened the front page of my notebook where I had written down all the details of my class schedule. “Let's see here...” I took my finger across the page, scanning the writing until I got to the room number and teacher. “Looks like it's in room 326 with a Mr. Heyman?”

“Nice,” he said semi-excitedly. “That's in the opposite direction of my homeroom. If you go up these stairs and to the right, it's the second class on the left.”

“Thanks a lot, Ray!” I said, feeling a little more optimistic about the first day. “Maybe we'll have classes together later today?” The bell began to ring through the PA system as I touched the steps. Ray turned the opposite way.

“Probably not, I'm a junior!” He held a hand in the air as if to wave me off. “You've got three minutes until you're late by the way!”

My heart sank as he walked away and I was alone in a swarm of kids walking up and down the steps. Alone.

I blended in with the flow of traffic and followed Ray's instructions to reach the room just as the bell rang. The teacher, lounging behind his desk with his feet up and crossed, pointed at me with a yard stick. It seemed the rest of the class had already been seated for some time.

I thought of something to say, trying not to choke on my words. I felt my cheeks getting red as I looked at the dark haired man. He had a goatee that reminded me of a more trimmed version of Evil Spock from Star Trek. “S-sorry, Mr. Heyman.” I stuttered nervously. “I got lost on the-”

“So!” He suddenly cut me off. “You're the new kid? A Mr...” He held up a piece of paper, still pointing the yard stick at me. “Gavin Free?” He scoffed and crumpled the paper, throwing it over his shoulder. “Sit down over there somewhere.”

“Yessir,” I said and rushed to the only empty seat in the far back corner, careful not to make eye contact with any of the students. I could hear chuckles from across the room and whispered conversations.

“That's the kid from this morning.”

“What with Michael?”

“Yeah! Ran smack into him!”

“Poor kid.”

I could tell that my first day was going to drag on and on.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's notes: pumping them out like freaking rabbits giving birth. This will be the last chapter for tonight. I’d expect another one some time tomorrow maybe. depends what my day looks like. I didn’t expect people to actually read these -.-

 During homeroom, I doodled swirls and miscellaneous shapes into my notebook to pass the time. The announcements came on and there was mention of the first day of school and homecoming and a mandatory pep rally for the football team during eighth period. After that it was time for first period Math which was in Mr. Heyman's classroom.

When the bell rang and I didn't stand, he stared at me. “So,” he stood from his seat and walked with a coffee in hand towards me. “Calculus, huh?”

“Yessir,” I responded quickly as he sat on the desk in front of me. “Most of my classes are AP.”

“Nice, Nice.” He took a sip of his coffee as students filled the classroom. I could see them file in, talking to each other, laughing and smiling. “Sit anywhere, I don't care.” He opened his arms as if to motion the students that the room was ripe for the picking.

Most of the girls sat in one corner with some boys littered through. As the last seat was taken, the bell rang and one student came falling through the door. I didn't want to believe who it was.

“Ah!” Mr. Heyman stood up and shook his head. “Mr. Jones, so... nice... of you to join us today.” Mr. Heyman walked to his desk and sat down, leaning one arm on it taking another sip of his coffee with the free one. He winced as if he burnt his tongue but tried to play it off like nothing happened. “Please, take a seat. I kept it warm for you.”

I looked at Michael just as he looked at the empty desk in front of me. He didn't seem to notice I was close by, but the rest of the class took notice. They all watched as Michael crossed the room to his seat in front of me near the back. My heart beat picked up and the sound of it in my ears blocked out all other noise. _Mr. Heyman must really hate me._

“Alright, listen here you little butt sniffers.” The teacher looked at the class and took the yard stick in hand. “This,” He smacked the black board, “Is the list of class rules that you knew today would be about. Now,” Slinging the stick over his shoulder and taking another sip of his coffee, “I don't give a rat's ass about who you are. You don't follow the rules, you don't get to partake in my wonderful class.” I tried to look at him but I was distracted by the larger boy in front of me. He hadn't done anything but sit there but his presence was distracting to me. “Okay cool, read 'em and that's all for today.”

The class immediately started splitting into groups and having conversations amongst them. The girls in the front left corner broke off the quickest, turning desks and chairs so they were in a small circle. A small group formed to the left of me and whispered about my interaction with Michael that morning. I was already tired of the way gossip was distributed through the school. It moved at a sickening pace always within 5 feet of me.

I decided that I would lean my head against the wall to the right of me and wait for the forty minutes to pass me by until I could leave. As soon as my head touched the wall I closed my eyes and I drifted off.

Some time later, I was awoken by a shuffling sound in front of me. I opened my eyes to Michael's freckle-spotted face, his eyes looking at my chin or neck perhaps. When he noticed I was awake, he met my gaze and turned fully around to face me. The group to the left had stopped whispering. Again I could feel stares on me. Anxiety welled up and I wanted to disappear.

“Hey, uh,” Michael started to say as he crossed his arms on my desk. “I just wanted to apologize for earlier...” He trailed off and broke eye contact.

I sat myself up straight and stretched a bit. “I-it's okay, r-really.” There was that nervous stuttering again.

He smiled at me. His smile was just as beautiful as his hair and his eyes and his jaw. “Are you sure? I didn't mean to raise my voice, ya' know?” He lowered his chin down to wear his arms were resting, looking up at me over the top of his glasses. “Just happens with me some times I guess.”

“I-it's really fine!” I rubbed my right hand on the back of my neck. “Is your phone alright?”

“Yeah, it's completely fine. I was more worried about your head, honestly.”

I blushed a little there. “Y-yeah. S-slight headache but a-after that nap, I'm t-tippity top.”

“Tippity top?” He questioned with a chuckle. “Gotta get that stutter under control, man.” He unfolded his arms and raised them in the air to stretch and yawned just as the bell rang. “Well, I'm glad you're okay. I'm Michael.” He smiled as he stood and slung his back pack over his shoulder and began to walk away.

“G-gavin,” I barely managed to get the words out. I'd never been awestruck by anyone before, but with him, I couldn't seem to gather my composure.

“See ya' later, Gavin.” With that he walked out the door.

Looking at my class schedule with a giddy smile on my face, I read my next class. Looked like it was going to be AP Government. Across the school.

The smile may have looked idiotic on my face but I couldn't shake it. It stuck to me like glue as I walked to the far end of the school to my next class.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally written in two parts and I'm hoping I can do that on here.

 I had three more classes before lunch time. AP Government second period, AP Literature third period, and Spanish I fourth period. None of the classes ended up being with Michael, but when I walked into my Spanish class, I was greeted by a familiar face.

“Well, what do you know,” Ray chuckled as he motioned to me to cross the room to where he was seated. “Looks like I do have a class with you after all!”

I took the seat beside him and set my bag on the floor. “I don't know a lick of Spanish.”

“Neither do I and I'm Puerto Rican.”

We compared our schedules to see what other classes we had in common. We had most of the afternoon together including lunch period, but branched off for the final period of the day.

After sitting through another reading of the rules, Ray escorted me to my locker. I didn't have time in between periods to find it earlier that day and I was grateful I finally had some assistance in finding it. It was surprisingly close to my Homeroom. I placed my back pack inside and removed my notebook so I could take it with me.

“So,” Ray started. “Any other interactions with Michael since this morning?”

“Yeah actually,” I replied as I shut my locker. We began walking in the direction of the lunch room. “He has Calculus with me first period. Sits right bloody in front of me.”

“Oh damn,” Ray teased a bit. “Drama with a capital D, am I right?” He giggled. “I'm sure that gave all the kids something to talk about.”

“It sure made them shut up when he apologized to me.” We entered the cafeteria, a big open room with many circular tables spread throughout. Some students were sitting down, saving places for others but most were in the lines getting food.

“Wait, you're telling me that Michael freaking Jones apologized to you?” Ray sounded like he was in shock as he lead me to the correct line.

“I was just as surprised as you are now,” I laughed.

“He doesn't really talk to anyone outside his little clan, that's why I'm surprised.” Ray grabbed a tray from a stack and began filling it with a drink and miscellaneous food items.

“Then why does it seem like the school is wrapped around his finger?” I grabbed a tray as well, grabbing an odd looking slice of pizza from under a heat lamp. Nothing else looked appetizing so I grabbed an orange juice and moved down the line.

“People worship him. Star football player, decent grades. It's pretty typical.” Reaching the end of the line, Ray payed for his food then waited for me to do the same. “Plus he's banged pretty much every chick in the school.”

The statement caught me off guard and I dropped all of my change on the ground. Of course he'd be straight, that part was obvious. It didn't stop me from having a crush on him but it did make my heart sink a bit. I gathered my change with disappointment and payed for my food. Following Ray to the middle of the sea of tables, I scanned the crowd. Michael was sitting at the far back with a few guys with similar builds. _Most likely the football team._

We took our seats with a few other people. None I had recognized but Ray introduced me. Their names included Chris, Miles, and Kara. I ate my lunch, laughing at their jokes, occasionally looking in the direction of Michael's table. A few times I caught someone staring at me. I wasn't sure if she was staring at me at first, but when I kept looking back she quickly turned her head away as if she'd been caught. Beautiful face and fiery red hair.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't change it so it's in two parts here, so there are now 55 chapters to make up for the other two parters

 Finally making it to lunch, I took my seat with the other players. They greeted me with a typical fuckass or dickbutt. Ever insulting and just our relationship. We liked to pick on each other as if it were tough love.

“Mikey!” Lindsay came up to our table. There were only seven senior football players, leaving one extra spot at the table, and every year it was reserved for Lindsay. “I have some crazy freaking news for you!”

I took a mouthful of spaghetti and looked at her with wide eyes. “Nuh-uh!” I laughed through the sauce. The rest of my friends joined in with their laughter.

“Damn you're vile,” She giggled and took her seat next to me. “No but really.” She leaned in and put a hand in front of her mouth to shield her lips from the eyes of the other players.

I leaned the side of my head in, ready to hear what she had to say. Usually whatever she had to say was old news or just a repetition of what she thought she hadn't told me yet.

In a hushed voice she whispered, “that guys from the video this morning,” she paused and laughed a bit. “I swear to god, Michael, he's in my Gov and Lit classes.”

I pulled away and looked at her with the spaghetti hanging out of my mouth. She was going to know that I didn't bother with the video that morning. I tried to give a reaction that would make it seem less obvious but she saw right through it.

“You didn't even watch it, did you?” she gave me a condescending look as if to scold me.

I shook my head 'no' and slurped up the spaghetti. She kept giving me that look until I grunted and rolled my eyes. “Fine,” I began to pull out my phone. “I'll watch it, Jesus.”

Finding the text message from earlier, I clicked on the link which opened my YouTube app. The video took a while to load. It gave me enough time to plug in my headphones.

When it first loaded, the guy's face looked very familiar. I wasn't entirely sure who it was until I turned up the volume and heard his smooth, British accent as I had earlier that day. I watched in awe until the very end. I was aware that Lindsay was watching for my reaction as I heard one of the final sentences.

“I am attracted to men, and I am 100% scared of the American school system.”

I closed out the video after hitting subscribe, wide-eyed. Looking over at Lindsay, she smiled and waited for me to say something.

“Do you think...” My sentence trailed off as I began looking around the cafeteria for Gavin.

“Invite him to your party,” She said in a hushed tone.

I continued eating after spotting him sitting with a group of notorious geeks. All of them were juniors but him.

Throwing the thought around in my head a few times, I decided that I would invite him. My heart beat a little faster and I couldn't stop smiling.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> original author's note: I really like the thought of Griffon being the Art teacher. Also I have most of the schedules for the main characters working out. This chapter took a bit longer to get out because I was distracted by cookie clicker (forgive me based god)

 The next class to attend was Choir. I was never great at singing and wasn't sure why I had to take the class. When I got together with the guidance counselor before the school year started she said that I only needed one art credit to graduate and gave me the choice of art or choir. I chose the art class, but when we got in to putting my schedule together, I had too many open spots. I really didn't want to take a science class since the credits from my old school transferred. I only needed three of those credits to graduate. I was running late for a doctors appointment that day so I left the guidance counselor with my trust. It turned out that I shouldn't have trusted her.

“Oh come on dude,” Ray said as he walked with me to the stage area in the amphitheater. I was dragging my feet and complaining about how I didn't want to go the whole way there. “Choir is the easiest credit you'll ever earn.”

Ray had been in choir for all three years of high school, but never really put in the effort. He sat in the back in the tenor section, soaking up the notes he needed to pass and only spouting them back out when he was under review or at concerts. Chris also had the class with us and walked into the room in front of us.

“What if I get kicked out because my voice sucks?” I asked.

“This isn't honor's choir. We don't have judgment on that stuff,” Chris commented.

“Yeah,” Ray agreed with him. “This is like reject's choir.”

It turned out to be pretty accurate. The director had each student step into his office and sing the same line so he could place us into sections. Behind the closed door, it mostly sounded like dying animals and tone deaf sopranos. The class drug on terribly slow. I ended up getting placed with Ray and Chris in the tenor section. At the end the director emerged from his office looking exhausted.

The class after that was Art I. Ray and Chris also had this class and on the way to the room we met up with Kara who was walking with a quirky blonde girl. Kara introduced her as Barbara.

“So Gavin, right?” Barbara started, a little sing-song.

“Yeah?” I looked at her questioningly as we walked through the hall.

“Do you have a girlfriend back home?” She smiled when she said it and, god, it was a beautiful smile.

I didn't really know how to react to that question so I smiled and let out a small chuckle. “Uh,” I focused my line of sight to the back of Chris's head. “No, I can't say that I do.”

“Well, do you have a date for Homecoming?” She kept on it, not willing to give it up so easily. “Since you don't have a girlfriend, there's no one to get jealous if I ask you.”

Ray turned his head to look at me and covered his mouth with his hand. “Ooooohh,” He teased. “Captain cheerleader has a crush on Mr. Britain!”

“Shut up Ray,” She playfully pushed his arm.

“Barbara,” I smiled and shook my head. “I really appreciate the offer, but I-I um,” I broke off trying to think of a way to put it without giving myself away. There was no telling how they would react. “I don't think I'm going to the dance.” I decided that was the simplest answer. Of course that meant that I couldn't go to the dance, to spare her feelings. Maybe if she became a closer friend, I could tell her the real reason.

“You're pretty lame then,” She flipped her hair and laughed. I couldn't tell if she was joking at first, but then she gave the same playful push on my shoulder as she had Ray.

We rounded the corner as a group and slowly filed into the art room. Kara and Barbara followed Chris into the back where there were open tables. Each one looked like a chemistry lab table and they only seated two people each. Kara and Chris sat down at one and Barbara and Ray took the one beside it. I was a little upset that I'd have to sit with someone that I didn't know. Most of the students that were in the classroom looked as if they had already paired off. Either that or they were avoiding the new kid like the plague.

I took the seat directly in front of Ray. I figured that I could flip my seat around and use his table most of the time anyway. The bell rang and there were more empty tables at the front. It was a relatively small class for the size of the room. The teacher stood at the front of the room and looked over the class.

“Alright, that looks like everyone minus the football players...” She acted as if she were talking to herself but spoke loud enough for all to hear. She was a younger woman with blonde hair tied back into a ponytail. It appeared as if half her head was shaved, though I couldn't tell for sure. The fluorescent lights over head caught the glint of something in her nose, most likely a hidden piercing.

“Okay, hello everyone! I'm Mrs. Ramsey and there aren't many rules here,” She crossed her arms and leaned against the clean marker board at the front of the room. “Basically, don't waste supplies, don't act like idiots, do your work on time. If you listen to those rules you'll pass this class.”

She turned her head to look out the door. “Glad to see you guys showing up today!”

Three boys walked into the room, the first one handing Mrs. Ramsey a slip of paper. “Sorry Mrs. Ramsey,” The last one apologized. I recognized the voice before I could see him. “Coach needed to meet with us for the pep rally.”

The other two took seats at an empty table two in front of mine. “I couldn't stay mad at you, Mr. Jones. Not with those freckles.” She looked at the slip and placed it on her desk.

Michael looked over the class, being ignored by his teammates who were already talking to the girls seated behind them. His eyes stopped when he saw me and he smiled. I probably looked like an idiot but my eyes widened and I smiled back, trying as hard as I could not to blush. He noticed the open seat beside me and walked to my desk.

“Cool if I sit here?” He pulled out the seat, not waiting for my answer.

“That would be top.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's notes: I wrote this listening to the Collapsible Lung album by Relient K for the first time and it gave me some ideas for later chapters. This is going to be a v fucking long fic I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY

 Mrs. Ramsey passed out a list of projects that were due at different dates during the first nine weeks and left us to do as we pleased for the next half hour. It was the last class before the pep rally was to take place. Missing eighth period wouldn't even have been that much of a problem since it was my free period.

I felt something hit me in the back of the head. Turning around, I found Ray with a chunk of an eraser in his hand, ready to chuck. He made a sarcastically surprised face before he tossed it and I caught it just before it came in contact with my nose.

“You little prick,” I joked, turning my chair towards the desk completely. I watched Michael out of the corner of my eye. He slowly turned his body so he was sideways in his chair and facing backwards.

“It wasn't me,” Ray stuck his hands up in the air. “It was totally Barb.”

“I love assaulting people, so it must have been,” she replied quickly with a smile. Flipping her hair, she propped her arm up, hand supporting her chin. “So, Michael?”

I looked over to him and he raised his eyebrows to Barb saying his name.

“Excited for tonight's game?” She looked into his eyes and gave a gentle smirk and he looked back at her, mirroring the lip movements.

“Moderately.” Looking at him, I realized he had taken off his beanie. His hair was curly and falling over his forehead in a perfectly messy way. He was wearing a black jersey which had the number twenty eight in red type. Over it was an orange zip up hoodie that showed off the size of his arms. The ripped jeans he was wearing looked wonderful on him.

“What do you mean by that?” The way that Barb looked at Michael made me a little uncomfortable. Her eyes were suggestive. They kept alternating between his eyes and his lips.

“Eh,” he shrugged and propped an elbow on her side of the desk. His cheek fell on his fist and he turned his head towards me.

I quickly looked away, realizing that I had been staring. Changing my gaze to Ray, he raised an eyebrow looking at me with a semi confused look. I gave a similar look back as he looked to Michael, then back to me.

“We're favored 100% to win, so it should be uneventful.”

In response to Ray's eye movement I widened my eyes and put my head down, staring at my feet. I heard Ray chuckle at my reaction as he gently kicked my foot with his, as if to tease.

All I could think was “Oh, god, _he knows_.”

“A winning game is always a good game for the squad.” Barb flipped her hair again.

“Yeah, yeah. We always give you guys something to cheer about.” Michael took his free hand and shook my shoulder a bit. I looked towards him and he smiled. “You guys are all invited to my party tonight, by the way.”

“Uh,” Ray started, trying hard to mask the excitement in his voice. “I'm a junior... is that... okay?”

“Dude, I don't fucking care,” Michael joked. “The whole school is invited, but I wasn't sure if you two especially knew that.” He pointed to Ray and me. “You know where I live, right? Um,” he put his hand up to his chin. “I'm sorry, man, I don't know you by name.”

“It's Ray. Ray Narvaez Jr.” He stuck his hand out for Michael to shake.

“Nice,” Michael took his hand. “So you know where I live Ray?”

“I know the general area, so if there's a party, I'm sure we'll find it just fine.”

“Sounds good,” Michael replied with a toothless grin. He turned around to look at the clock. “Okay, I've gotta go get ready for the pep rally, but I'll see you guys after the game tonight.” He stood up and left looking at everyone, ending his gaze on me. I smiled at him and he waved goodbye then left the room with the other players.

“That means I have to go too,” Barb stood and gathered three other girls seated in the room, turning at the last minute to smile and wave goodbye.

“Gav,” Ray grabbed my attention from the doorway. I turned towards him and he motioned for me to lean in. He spoke in a low voice so no one around could hear. “Are you, ya know...” he let it trail off, not needing to finish.

I leaned out and sighed, shaking my head 'yes' and rolling my eyes. “Didn't really want to let that out.” I could feel my cheeks getting red and felt like I was going to burst into tears. Ray seemed like a nice enough guy. If I reacted this way to him finding out, how would I react to someone else knowing?

“Going after that one is going to be a task, ya know.” He smiled. “I really don't care either way what you are. Just thought I should let you know that Jones won't reciprocate that way.”

“I figured as much,” I replied honestly. “Some times crushes just can't be helped.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's notes: I’ve been thinking about this interaction since I came up with the thought of this fic. I was considering making it like a side story instead of an actual chapter but decided against it. I LIKE BLUSHING OKAY

 A voice came over the PA system excusing the senior class to the pep rally. I was a little worried I wouldn't know where I was going, but it proved to be rather simple to follow the massive crowd of students moving in the same direction.

 _Did I really already have a crush on Michael?_ It hadn't even been a full day. I didn't know anything about him besides the few things Ray had told me. He was a star player on the football team. He was notorious for being a player among the girls at the school. He was _straight_. He was very attractive. Everyone worshiped him.

We ran into each other and I made him drop his things and he yelled at me. That's not how crushes were supposed to start. Not to my knowledge at least.

I was drawn out of my thoughts by someone calling my name from a connecting hallway. I stopped in my tracks to find the voice, causing the flow of traffic to congest. I saw girl in a cheerleading outfit with bright blonde hair in a high pony tail.

“Gavin, come here!” Barbara called out to me. She waved an arm in the air.

I began walking down the hallway a little questioningly. She was at the very end in front of doors that led outside. The light was pouring into them and reflecting off the floor. When I got close she disappeared behind a wall to the left side of the hallway. I rounded the corner expecting to see her but was instead taken by the shoulders and shoved playfully up against the cold brick of the wall.

“What are you-” I was cut of by lips being forced against mine. Barb's fingers wrapped themselves around the collar of my shirt, pulling my face into hers. I was so in shock that I didn't fight back. I raised my arms as if to surrender and she continued to kiss me forcefully, waiting for me to repeat the action back.

She pulled away slowly looking at my lips, then meeting my gaze down on her. “Ya know, Gav,” She paused releasing her grip on my shirt. I pulled my head away, trying to escape, but I was too stunned to move. “Usually when I kiss boys like this, they kiss back. They also don't turn me down for dances.”

“Barbara, it's n-not you i-it's just that,” I struggled to find the words and steady my breathing, looking at the ceiling as an escape. “I'm j-just not... into girls.”

I said it. I let it out. _Why did I have to do this twice on my first day?_

She immediately stepped back and covered her mouth with her hand. “Oh my god! I'm SO sorry!” Her cheeks turned bright red and she looked like she was going to pass out from embarrassment. I grabbed her by the shoulders to steady her.

“No! No Barb it's okay, y-you didn't know! It's fine!” I didn't know what else to say. She shouldn't have assaulted me in the hallway, but looking at her reaction, I wasn't able to blame her.

“I'm really sorry Gavin I didn't mean to make you tell me like that I'm so sorry.” She backed away again and started to walk backwards back down the hallway. I followed her closely behind.

“It's really okay, j-just could you n-not-”

“I won't tell anyone.” She turned quickly just before merging with the crowd.

I could feel my cheeks getting warm. “T-thanks,” I rubbed the back of my neck nervously.

The blushed color was fading from her face quickly as she noticed the red on mine. She shoved my shoulder with a semi-smile. “I'll see you at the party tonight, okay?”

“Y-yeah.” I tried to smile back but it probably just looked idiotic. She started walking with the crowd again and left me in the hallway, a blushing, embarrassed disaster.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: woop woop pumping out chapters when I’m not falling over tired although I think this is that last one until later tonight unfortunately. But I do have a finished playlist that I’m gonna post from 8tracks in a bit

 I kept my eyes on the feet of those in front of me. They slowly lead to the gymnasium where we filed in slowly. The bleachers seemed to tower close to the ceiling of the large room and I followed the pathway the whole way to the top, avoiding the rest of my class. They were mostly filling the bottom rows closest to the floor.

I looked out over the rest of the gym at the mass amount of people that were filling in. Surely the juniors had been called to fill in by then. There were simply too many students to be only the senior class. I was reassured of that when I saw Ray and Chris looking around for seats. I took mine and leaned my head back against the wall directly behind me.

_What happened with Barbara in the hallway? Why did it have to happen to me? I could have gone the rest of the school year without telling another soul._

Ray found his way to me. It appeared that Chris had broken off to sit with friends about fifteen rows down from us.

“Second flight?” He asked as he approached me. He had to talk a little louder than normal so I could hear him over the crowd.

“Hmm?” I answered as I looked at him. He took a seat beside me. I wasn't sure what he meant by the question.

“Why did you chose to the second layer of bleachers?” He leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees. The gym was hit with an influx of students filling in the side entrances. I assumed the rest of the student body had been called in.

“It's secluded,” I replied flatly. I watched Ray shrug and scan the crowd.

It took about ten minutes for the student body to be seated, at which point music started blasting and the cheerleaders ran out and started a routine. I didn't see Barb among the girls.

“And now,” a booming voice came over the loud speaker. “Introducing this year’s seniors!” The crowd cheered. They went through a list of seven players and five cheer leaders that ran out from where I presumed the locker rooms to be. Most were paired off one boy to one girl until it got to the last cheerleader that was escorted by two football players, one on each arm. Another football player ran out entirely by himself. There were names to go with each person and none of them were names that I had learned that day.

“And finally,” The voice sounded again. “Cheer captain Barbara Dunkelman escorted by number twenty eight, Michael Jones.”

The students screamed and applauded especially loud when Michael walked out with Barbara on his shoulders. She waved like a princess in a parade, a white jersey with Michael's number over her uniform. Michael held her by her legs and was wearing his own black jersey that he was sporting earlier, minus the zip up. The sleeves were rolled up, showing off the muscles in his arms. His hoodie had been hiding a few tattoos that he now displayed proudly. I looked at him and couldn't help but smile.

Ray must have taken notice because he poked me in the side and teased, “Look, it's your man.” I elbowed him in the side telling him to shut up with the dumb smile still on my face.

Michael put Barb down once they stood in line with the rest of the players and cheer seniors. He took a microphone from someone in the front row of the bleachers and waited for the crowd to quiet down.

“Now, I know I'm not very good at speeches,” He paused to smile as the crowd chuckled. “But I am good at one thing, and that's winning the first game within the school year!” He shouted it and an eruption of cheers came from the student body.

Ray nudged me shouting over the sound, “The seniors this year have never lost a first game. Of the season, of the school year. It's never happened.”

“We're gonna go out there as a team and DESTROY South Side Tigers tonight!” The bleachers chimed again as Michael handed the microphone back to the first row and walked off with the rest of the football team. A song started playing and the cheer leaders did another short routine.

“Was that it?” I asked Ray as he stood up and stretched.

“Yeah, our pep rallies kind of suck.”

We walked out with the rest of the student body after the routine had ended. I didn't have anything to get out of my locker so I decided to leave everything at school for the day. Following Ray to his locker, he described where he lived and I discovered I was headed in the same direction for most of the way.

“Did you just want to come over to my house before the game?” Ray asked as we were about to branch and walk separate directions to our houses. “I'm sure my mom would feed you and whatever.”

“That's alright,” I answered him. “I kind of want to change before I go.” I didn't really want to change. I was desperate to go home to my room and make a video recapping my first day.

“That's cool, just uh,” Ray scrambled for his phone in his pocket. “What's your number? Just call me when you're ready to go and I can have Chris pick you up.”

“Top idea,” I responded, pulling out my phone so we could exchange numbers. After that, we parted ways and I headed toward my house alone.

I sat down in front of my computer and checked the time. I had about two hours before the game started. Plenty of time to record a thirty second video.

I opened up my browser to YouTube to check on my first video. It had eight views and I seemed to have gained a subscriber. There was a comment left on my video.

_ur pretty cute o///o_

I laughed reading it. It was posted by the same person that subscribed to me. _Who would think that?_

I went to their channel and there wasn't any information on them. Their name was listed as LtMkilla which sounded like some awfully generic Call of Duty gamer tag.

I didn't respond to the comment and started recording another video.

“Hello, YouTube. I just got off school and I thought I'd record another video.” I was much less nervous that time around but still a little shaky. “The first thing that happened to me today was running smack into the star quarter back and head butting him. That was rather fun. He yelled at me and he was cute. Then I made a friend that's a junior. He ended up showing me around and I guess I kind of sort of came out to him. I also came out to a girl – the cheer captain at that – when she decided to pin me against a wall and kiss me.” I looked off to the side. “I guess I have a crush on the quarter back which is so stupid. He apologized to me for yelling and invited me to his party but apparently he's some kind of man whore amongst the girls, which is very unfortunate for me. Tonight's the party and I'm all kinds of anxious... maybe it will be alright.” I paused to think of something else to say. “Oh, and LtMkilla, thanks for subscribing but I must say, the bit about me being cute is utter bollocks.”

I stopped the video and set it to upload, reluctantly.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: I don’t see nothing wrong, with a little bump and grind (I’m putting this note here so you’ll think it’s a sex scene when in fact it is not)

 Leaving my room, I went into the kitchen on the first floor in search of something to eat. The house was empty and unsettling but also very typical. There was a note on the fridge.

“Gavy, didn't have time to go to the store. Fruit in the basket – Mom xoxo”

I looked over to the basket that was sitting in the corner of the counter. The only thing left was a peach. The note must have been several days old and I had over looked it. I took the peach and poured myself a glass of water from the filtered pitcher in the fridge and sat down at the dining room table.

Once I had finished, I climbed the stairs back to my room and took a seat at my computer. The video had finished uploading and had two views along with a comment left by LtMkilla.

_“Not 'bollocks' I kno no lies”_

I scoffed at the comment. No one had called me cute in a very long time. I hit the reply button.

 _“More of an uninformed opinion than a lie. I'm quite the knob.”_ I hit enter and get distracted by finding something else to wear. Looking through my closet, I found a black shirt with a cat on it and decided that would be the one. I glanced down at myself and decided the jeans I was wearing would be fine enough.

My computer screen displayed another comment on the video. I crossed my room to my desk yet again to read it.

_“Don't say stuff like that I bet ur amazing.”_

I felt a warmth in my chest as I read it and couldn't help but smile. I chose to upvote the comment and not leave another reply.

My phone was laying on my bed and it bounced up a bit when I fell back on to the comforter. I grabbed it and set an alarm for six and decided to take a nap.

When I woke up to the sound of phone going off, I slowly sat up in bed. I could have sworn I had a dream about Michael but I couldn't remember any of the details, just that he was there. Shutting off the sound, I decided I would call Ray and see if he was ready.

“Hey what's up?” He answered the phone.

“Hey Ray, It's Gavin. I was calling to say that I'm ready whenever.”

“Dude, have you been sleeping?”

“I may have nodded off for a while.”

“You sound all kinds of groggy. Also, yeah Chris and I are ready whenever. Where do you live?”

I gave him the address. It took him about fifteen minutes to get to my house, getting turned around a couple times. The drive from my house to the stadium by the park was only a five minute drive. We pulled up to the stadium at about 6:30 after stopping to get energy drinks at a local gas station. The parking lot was full of cars and middle-aged fathers cooking near the back of their cars. We passed through the rows and I grabbed a hot dog along the way which was a good thing. That peach wouldn't have held me over for the rest of the night.

We bought student tickets for a couple dollars and stood around waiting for a few of Chris's friends to show up. The sun was starting to set and I could feel the chill set in over the area. I wished that I would have considered taking a jacket with me.

We saw the cheer leaders run past us out to the field and figured that it was just about game time. They were wearing football players varsity jackets. Barbara flew past me and turned to wave and smile. I realized she was wearing Michael's and I felt as if a spike went through my chest. I waved and smiled back just as Chris's friends met us.

We turned and made our way into the stands. There weren't many seats left but we did get lucky and managed to find a whole bench to ourselves. The only downside was it was a front row bench.

The cheerleaders ran out to the field and did an opening routine forming a tunnel for the football players to run through, holding up a tear away banner at the end. Michael was the first to run onto the field, bursting through the sign.

“Yeah, go team!” Ray shouted sarcastically in response to the crowd's overly dramatic cheering. He looked to me and smiled. “Dude you alright?”

“I'm fine why?” I asked puzzled.

“You look absolutely freezing.” He pushed me playfully. “You need me to give you my jacket?”

“No, no I'll be fine.”

Right before the first kick off, Barbara and I locked eyes and she walked up to the wall separating the seats from the track surrounding the field. She smiled and motioned for me to come forward. When I did, she shrugged off the varsity jacket and gave it to me. “You look so cold, Gav.”

“I can't take it,” I shook my head. “It's not yours, I'll feel bad,” and I really did feel bad after she tossed it over the wall and left me with it. What would Michael think if she just gave away his Varsity jacket like that? To the new kid that smacked into him and almost busted his phone, at that. I took the offer in fear that it might get lost if I toss it back over the wall.

Putting it over my shoulders, it was much bigger than what I would normally wear as a jacket. The sleeves came down over my hands, but it was so warm. I scrunched myself down into it for a split second and caught the scent of it.

It was irresistible.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's notes: I just finished this after being out pretty much all day! Probs really rough but a chapter none the less. Also I want cute to happen really bad so cute might be coming soon

 About two hours later, our team had won. It was a shut out. The South Side Tigers didn't score a single point and, after half time, you could tell we decided to take it easy on them. The final score was 48-0.

“So, now off to Michael's, Right?” Ray nudged me and giggled.

“Yeah, yeah,” I smiled back, letting the realization sink in. I was going to be at Michael's house for a party.

“Oh, you guys were gonna go to that?” Chris asked from the other side of Ray.

“What, you're not?” Ray questioned him.

“No, man I've gotta get my mom's car home before eleven.”

“Well, shit.” Ray kicked a rock across the parking lot. “We better start heading that way now then.”

“Sorry guys. I didn't know you were going or I would have said something earlier.” Chris put his hands in his pockets and looked down at the ground.

“It's not your fault Chris!” I said with a cheery tone. “We should have told you earlier!”

Ray and I broke off after seeing Chris to his car.

“So,” I started, drawing out the word. “How far away is his house?”

“Dude, it's like, the whole way across town.” Ray sighed in defeat and looked up at the sky. “We'll make it there in maybe an hour and a half to two hours.”

“Bollocks.” It was a little upsetting to think that we'd be walking all that time to show up at midnight and stay for a couple hours only to have to walk the whole way back to our houses. “Should we even go?” I asked, a little relieved that I wouldn't have to deal with the stress of a party.

“I don't-” Ray was interrupted by the honk of a horn.

We turned to see headlights approaching us slowly. The rest of the street seemed to be mostly empty besides cars in the distance. The passenger side window of the car rolled down and a familiar face was seen from the driver's seat.

“You guys were really going to walk all the way to the party?” Barb said laughing and poking fun. “You two are such idiots, get in.” She put the car in park after coming to a stop and we both climbed into the back seat, thanking her a million times each.

“Don't thank me you butts,” she giggled and started to move again. “Next time, find me and ask.”

The ten minute ride there was full of loud music and singing along poorly to popular pop songs that played on the radio. The moment we turned on to the road Michael's house was on, Barbara turned down the dial.

“Ray,” she called with a smile.

He put both of his hands on the front seats, puling himself forward so his head was in between. “What's up?”

“You know Gavin's secret right?” She looked at me in the rear view mirror and I rolled my eyes.

“Yes,” I responded before Ray could. “He does, but I asked you not to tell!”

“Oh, hush Gavin. I was 500% positive that you would have told him. I'm just making sure we're all on the same page here, so Ray isn't trying to not tell me.”

I sighed and looked at the ground. It would have made for some awkward conversations if Ray didn't know that Barbara knew and vice versa. “Fine, fine,” I responded as she turned into a long driveway, pulling off behind the closest parked car. “But after this, there's no more. Please, Barb.”

“Done deal.” We all exited the car after that conversation and looked up the driveway to the house at the end. “Are you boys ready?” Barb started walking down the driveway. I noticed that she had taken out her hair and changed into a casual outfit.

I may not have been ready, but at that point, I had no other choice but to follow.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: bitches ain’t shit and they ain’t say nothin a hundred mutha fuckas can’t tell me nothin

 Once inside the house, Barbara broke off to join some of her friends. The place was full of people, from the front lawn to the woods behind the house. It was the most dense right by the door and Ray and I decided quickly to get to somewhere with breathing room. We made our way around what looked to be the dining room to the kitchen where someone was placing down a keg.

“Well, this is a thing,” Ray said over the noise of the guests and the music that was beating from the backyard.

I looked at him confused. “I've drank, but I've never been to a party. Is this what happens?”

“Beats me,” he shrugged. “I usually play Xbox on Friday nights.”

I nodded, understanding. “Well?” I motioned to the drinks that had been mixed on the counter. “Should we?”

“I don't drink.” His face was full of disgust most likely thinking of the taste of it in his mouth.

“Ah,” I replied, not knowing what to say. “I think I'm gonna find the bathroom.”

“Alright, I'll be down here... somewhere,” He smiled and slipped into the crowd as I departed through the kitchen.

I finally was pointed in the right direction of the bathroom on the second floor after about ten minutes of being ignored and given wrong directions. On my way back down to the first floor, I saw the red haired girl that had been staring at me at lunch earlier that day. She smiled at me and asked me if I was enjoying the party so far.

“Yeah, it's been pretty great,” I stuck my hand out for her to shake. “I'm Gavin, by the way.”

She took it energetically and shook it several times. “I'm Lindsay! I think you're in a couple of my classes maybe?”

“Maybe,” I replied jokingly. I hadn't noticed her in my classes but I couldn't say that I had caught her staring at me.

She giggled, “Well I'll let you get back to the party then!” She trotted off with a drink in hand down a hallway on the upper floor.

I descended the stairs, trying to look for Ray with no luck. I felt a little awkward being by myself and not knowing anyone. Eventually I made it back to the kitchen. My nerves kept trying to get the best of me and I wanted to leave the crowd and go home but couldn't make the trek without another person to guide me. I didn't know the town and the thought of walking the streets in the dark alone made me even more nervous. That's when the drinks in solo cups caught my eye. I grabbed one from the counter and downed it, coughing after realizing that it was a poorly blended combination of cheap vodka and warm orange juice. I managed to keep it down and grabbed another to go.

Making my way to the backyard, I scanned the crowd for Ray again. He was no where to be found. I should have expected it to happen. It would be hard not to get separated at a party like that in a house of that size. I scooted my way through the group of dancing students on the back lawn and made my way towards the back where there was an empty swing set on the edge of the woods. Sitting down on a swing, I downed my second drink, regretting every second of it.

The house seemed larger from the backyard. There was an in-ground pool that was fenced in off to the side that the house extended along. The back patio was where the DJ was set up. Attached to the patio was a sun room where people were laughing and sitting down, possibly yelling over the music. The backyard extended for quite some time before it reached the swing set, which must have been why it was abandoned.

I took my phone out of my pocket to check the time. 11:56. I stood up from the swing and started to feel the effects of the alcohol. My head felt light and my eyes seemed like they didn't want to cooperate with me. I stumbled my way back through the crowd, trying not to fall on anyone. I didn't realize what was going on until I heard the music change to something slower and was greeted with Barb's face. She had grabbed me by the arm and pulled me into a slow dance.

“You're supposed to put your hands on my hips, silly.” Flipping her hair, she placed my hands where she said they should be and returned hers to my neck, scooting in close to me. “Are you drunk, Gav?”

“Heh,” I let out a small chuckle. “Maybe a wee bit.” I let her lead me into a comfortable sway.

“You're an idiot you know that?”

“Yeah, I'm aware.”

After the slow song, I don't remember much. I did dance with Barbara for a while. Then I remember her taking my hand and I remember the walls of the house. I think at one point I tried to stop her from leading me, thinking she wanted sex. I don't remember anything after that.

I woke up on a couch, still in Michael's varsity jacket, with no one around. I sat up, still a bit drunk, and looked around. The entire area was empty. There was a giant television set up a couple feet from the couch. A fully stocked bar was behind the couch. It had bar stools and everything. A billiards table was in the open space between another couch next to mine and what appeared to be steps leading up. There were closed doors all around the walls. I was still a bit disoriented but significantly more focused than when I had been dancing with Barb.

Then I felt the vomit creep up the back of my throat.

I scrambled to find the bathroom, holding it as best I could. I found a small waste bin at the end of a very short hallway and decided that it was the best I could get in time.

I felt so stupid after I let everything out. I had only had two screwdrivers but the orange juice was warm and mixed around in my stomach while I was dancing with Barbara.

I heard a door open from the direction of the steps, followed by creaking sounds and figured that it was someone coming down to check on me. Hopefully it was Ray or Barb coming to say it was time to go home. I had had a terrible time for most of the party. I drank myself to throwing up, lost Ray, and probably displeased Barb in some way or another. I'm sure that's why she had left me on the couch to sleep. _Who would want to take care of a drunk idiot?_

“Dude, are you okay?” a male voice asked from the room with the couches. He sounded concerned. I didn't want to look up because I already knew who it was. As he approached me, I leaned myself against a nearby wall and tried to get myself up. “Don't stand up too fast, you could get sick again.” He grabbed my arm and eased me up. Throwing that arm around his shoulders he wrapped the other around my waist and led me to the bar where he sat me on one of the high stools. I still hadn't looked at his face, even with him standing directly in front of me and looking me over. I couldn't focus on his features but I heard a laugh escape from his mouth and felt a hand on my shoulder. “Is this my letterman?”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: YOU WANTED A LONG ONE YOU GOT IT This was so cute it gave me diabetes

 “Is this my letterman?” Michael chuckled, putting a hand on my shoulder. “How the hell did you get this?”

His face finally came into focus. His brown eyes reflected the light from the spot lights overhead. He wasn't wearing his glasses and his curly auburn hair was barely sticking out from his green beanie that he had been wearing at school. Freckles decorated his face, making his dimples look even more adorable.

“Gav?” He called me out of my trance. I had forgotten that he'd asked me a question.

“Oh, uh, Barbara gave it to me at the game. I forgot my coat.” I was worried that he'd be offended that Barbara gave his jacket away to me and I was scared to see a displeased look on his face in response to me having it. Instead, his smile grew bigger.

“Let me get you something to drink.” He walked behind the bar and grabbed a cup that was sitting upside down.

“N-no... I don't....” I couldn't get any words out. I couldn't tell if it was because I was so nervous or if I was too drunk still.

“Shut up,” he turned to me as he turned on the faucet and filled the pint glass with water. He still had a smirk on his face.

“O-oh I thought-”

“Here ya go.” He put the cup down gently in front of me and I picked it up and put it to my lips. Taking a sip, I realized how dehydrated I was and how good the cold water felt sliding down my aching throat. I gulped it down very quickly and slammed the glass down harder than I had intended. Michael laughed at the sound and took a seat on an unseen chair behind the bar. “Any better?”

“Y-yeah a little.” I could still feel the burning in my throat but it was quite a bit better than it had been a second prior. My stomach had also calmed.

“Good.” He took out his phone as a little light on it flashed blue. Unlocking the screen, he stared at it for a while, his eyes following what must have been words. I could see the smile slowly disappear from his face.

“Something wrong?” I asked, a little more confidently. He looked up at me and gave a little fake smile. It didn't look the least bit sincere.

“Nah, nothing important,” he shrugged it off. “You hungry?”

I thought about it for a second and noticed that my stomach had an empty feeling to it. “A smidge,” I answered.

His giggle was back and his smile looked real. “Go lay on the couch and I'll turn on the TV and get us something to snack on.”

He came out from around the bar as I stood a little unsteadily. It came back to me as soon as I was on my feet that I was still pretty drunk.

His hand was on my waist in an instant, leading me to the couch where he took the letterman off of my shoulders and tossed it on a chair by the couch. He disappeared into a room down the hallway, reemerging a few moments later with a comforter.

“I'll make my bed later,” He said as he spread the blanket over me after I had taken my seat. Next he grabbed the remote for the television and turned it on, flipping it to Comedy Central. “I'll be back in a bit,” I looked at him as he waved and walked up the steps.

I looked at my phone for the time and realized that I had missed a few calls and had six unread text messages, most of them were from Ray.

_I lost you where are you? [12:30]_

_dude this chick totally just stuck her tongue down my throat [12:43]_

_hope you're okay [12:46]_

_...or tongue deep in Michael's throat [12:46]_

_Gav, I've gotta go. Mom called. Idk where you are but I saw Barb and she said you were fine. She's gonna make sure you get home ok. Have fun yo [1:23]_

The last text was from Barbara.

_Whenever you may be reading this, you almost passed out in the backyard so I took you to the basement to let you rest. You thought I was trying to come on to you and begged me not to suck your dick in front of most of the squad so that should be a good story. You passed out as soon as you hit that couch. You're such an idiot <3 Michael said he'd make sure you get home ok [1:03]_

I checked the time for reference of the texts. It was just turning two. I decided I would call Ray and let him know I was fine.

“Gav, dude! I thought you died!” Ray answered the phone enthusiastically.

“Oh my god Ray I'm so sorry.”

“No, no it's fine. Just, what happened?”

“I got drunk and passed out in Michael's basement apparently.”

“Whaaat?”

“Yeah I'm so incredibly sorry man.”

“No don't sweat it. Just wanted to know Barb took care of you and got you home.”

“Actually,” I paused and laughed. “She left me in Michael's care. I'm still at his house.”

I could hear a sarcastic scream. “Girl, you gotta suck his dick now.”

“Ray!” I covered my mouth laughing and trying not to think about actually committing the act.

He let out a soft chuckle. “Alright, alright, I'll let you go. Have fun!”

The line went dead and I was alone in the basement half drunk again.

A few moments later, the door to upstairs reopened and Michael came into the room soon after, carrying two plates with a sandwich on each.

“I hope you can eat pb&j. Breads good for absorbing the shit that's left in your stomach.” He handed me a plate which I took on my lap as he sat down on the couch beside me, covering himself in the extra part of the blanket.

“I love pb&j.”

“Awesome. Sorry it took so long, I had to shoo away the rest of the crowd that was loitering on the front lawn.”

“Oh,” I was a little confused. “The party is already done?”

“Yeah, it's actually been over for about an hour. There were just some people that wouldn't leave.”

“Ah.” I was still pretty confused. He hadn't taken me home yet or kicked me out like the other party goers. I was the only one left. Was it because I was drunk in his basement? I didn't want to be a burden on him so I quickly finished my sandwich and began to get up.

“Bathroom is the first door after the hallway on the left,” he said, his eyes fixed on me, watching my movements.

“Actually, Michael, I was going to get out of your hair and walk home,” I shoved my hands in my pockets, feeling bad for staying at his house so late.

He giggled and told me to sit back down. “You're not walking home, your drunk and under-aged.”

“I could see how that would be a problem,” I put a fake smile on my face.

“And I've also had a few and am under-aged. So you'll just stay here for the night, okay?”

My eyes grew wide when I realized that would entail sleeping in the same house as Michael. Possibly in the same room as Michael. My heart beat sped up and I could feel my face growing hot.

“You'll be fine, I'll make sure of it,” he set his plate aside and took my hand, pulling me back down to the couch. “Now sit down and enjoy this quality late night programming with me.”

We watched Comedy Central until around three in the morning when Michael claimed that he was tired and got up, taking the blanket to the room that it came from. He stopped and turned in the doorway. “Are you gonna come?” he asked me.

My face had never turned red so quickly. Wide-eyed I asked him “W-what?” My heart was pounding in my chest, I thought it was going to burst right through my rib cage.

He crossed the room back to me and held out his hand for me to take. “I'm not letting my guest sleep on the couch.”

My head was light. I couldn't make my legs function until I placed my hand in his and he pulled me to my feet. He led me to the room and had me wait while he remade the bed. His walls were littered with posters from miscellaneous video games and medals hanging from nails. His dresser had several trophies atop it. He took his beanie off and placed it on the dresser.

“I have to take my contacts out but feel free to put these on and get comfy.” He tossed a pair of his sweat pants at me then walked out the door with a smile.

I stood there unmoving for a while, not knowing what to do. I had known this guy for less than a day, developed a crush on him, and now I was about to go to sleep next to him in his bed. Drunk.

I took off my jeans and replaced them with the sweats, tying the drawstrings at the perfect place. They were so comfortable. I pulled back the blankets and slipped under them. Everything smelled just like his letterman and it made my senses run wild. It didn't take me long to drift off.

After a while, Michael returned to the room and climbed under the blankets along with me. I felt the movement but was still half asleep when he leaned over me. I turned to look up at him in the darkness and I felt something warm come into contact with my lips. It took me a second to become awake enough to recognize them as another set of lips. I kissed back then they pulled away slowly.

Michael laid himself down beside me, facing the opposite way. I was stunned, couldn't move a single part of my body. It was with absolute bliss and happiness.

“G-good night, Gavin,” I heard his voice say quietly from across the bed.

“Good night, Michael.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note this is kind of just a filler chapter but not really??????????? idk I HOPE IT’S ACCEPTABLE

 I woke up and the bed next to me was empty. My arm was slung over the spot where Michael should have been and it left and hollow feeling in my chest. Sitting up in bed, I looked around the room for my jeans. Despite even turning on the light, I couldn't seem to locate them. I decided it would be easier to leave in the sweat pants I was borrowing. I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and checked the time.

10:05 am.

It wasn't too incredibly early, but it was much later than I was used to sleeping in. I normally woke up around 8 am on the weekends.

I left the room and walked up the stairs, checking to see if Michael was in the basement. I didn't find him there either. Opening the door to the first floor, I was hit with the scent of breakfast and the sound of the news on a television. I rounded the corner to the kitchen, expecting to see Michael, but instead found a woman that looked to be in her early forties standing in front of the sink. She caught me out of the corner of her eye and turned to face me with a large smile on her face.

“Oh!” she sounded a little surprised. “You must be Gavin!”

“Um, hello,” I smiled back at her, a little confused about how to act.

“I'm Mrs. Jones. Michael told us he had someone spend the night.” She crossed the kitchen and I offered her my hand to shake. She ignored my hand and pulled me into the greatest hug I'd ever felt. “I prefer hugs, hope you don't mind.”

“Not at all.” She pulled away and went back over to the sink where she was washing dishes. “I have to ask, where's Michael?”

“He had football practice that started an hour ago. If you'd like to stick around he should be home in about an hour and a half.”

“I'd love to,” I started to say. I changed my mind thinking about the comfort of my own home and the awkwardness of hanging out with Michael's mom. “But I'm sure my mum is wondering where I am.”

“That's understandable darling. Do you need a ride? I didn't see a car when I car home this morning.”

“If it's not too much to ask then-”

“It's not a problem.” She gave me a friendly smile and rinsed her hands of soap.

On the way back to my house, she asked me all about how long I'd been in America and what part of the UK I'm from and if my mom liked dinner parties. I answered all of them enthusiastically and honestly. I'd been living here for about two months. I lived in Oxfordshire. My mom loved dinner parties but was a very busy woman.

She dropped me off in my driveway and rolled down the window. “You're welcome at my house any time Mr. Free.” She smiled and waved and I waved back as she put her car in reverse and drove off down the road.

I walked into the house and it was empty just as expected. I got a piece of bread from the loaf in the cupboard and threw it in the toaster until it was light brown and ate it on the way to my room. I decided that I should make a video talking about my very eventful evening. I sat down at my desk and woke my computer up. I set up the software and pressed record.

“Um, hello again, it's me. Who else would it be? Some other unattractive weirdo that likes to talk to cameras probably.” I couldn't think of where to start. “So, uh... I went to the party last night after a football game – by the way, high school football is odd – and had a great time. I got really drunk on screwdrivers. Nothing like cheap vodka, warm orange juice, and a bunch of high school kids that don't know a bloody thing about mixing drinks. I got really really drunk and danced with the cheer captain and almost passed out. She left me to sleep in the basement for a couple hours I think? I still haven't worked out that detail yet... but anyway, the cute boy found me there and took care of my sorry drunk ass.” I leaned back in my chair and looked at the ceiling, still trying to believe what happened. “Then, we went to bed, and he kissed me.” I could feel my face getting warm again and my chest started to thump. I put my head in my hands and looked at the camera through the cracks in my fingers. “He KISSED me. HE kissed ME. I can't believe it I just can't. He had to have been drunk right? Why would he kiss me?”

I looked at the camera for a bit too long then looked down at the monitor and realized I was smiling.

“Anyway,” I said as I reached for the mouse. “I'll be off now.” I stopped the recording and set it to upload.  


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: I posted the changes I made to chapters 1, 2 & 3\. A note that there will not be any story changing details. Only edits to enhance. I WANT CUTE CHAPTERS AGAIN SO MAYBE A CUTE ONE NEXT IDK

 I took a short nap and the sound of my phone woke me up about three hours in. Looking at my screen, I saw Ray's name and decided I should answer.

“Hello?”

“Hey Gav, what's up?”

“Not much, just waking up from a nap.”

“See, I knew that because of the immense amount of groggy in your voice.”

“Heh, well the amount of sarcasm in yours should mean something too, right?”

“It means,” he inhaled deeply. “We should totally hang out today!”

“Alright,” I said without thinking about it. It was better than sitting at home alone. “Let me get a shower then we'll do whatever.”

“Sounds awesome. I'm just gonna start walking to your house. Should take about twenty minutes.”

“See you then.”

I hung up the phone and crossed over to my computer, checking for notifications on all social media sites. A couple friend requests from cheer leaders and random kids from the school. I accepted all of them and paused, hovering over the final one in my notifications.

_Michael Jones wants to be your friend!_

I smiled and accepted without another thought, then went to get in the shower.

When I finished, Ray still wasn't there. I threw on a pair of briefs and shorts and sat at my computer with a towel hung around my neck. My hair was still dripping wet.

I saw that someone had posted a comment on my latest video. Already expecting to see the user name “LtMkilla,” I read it to myself.

“He probs kissed you b/c he thinks ur cute.”

“Agree to disagree,” I typed back. Within thirty seconds, there was another reply.

“cmon dude u can't be that blind rite?”

I laughed out loud.

“Okay, so maybe he thinks I'm cute. What now? The entire school thinks he's straight. Why would he ruin his reputation for an idiot like me? It's only been one day...”

Soon after, another response was posted.

“Mayb u should just go 4 it. Bring him out of a shell or just b secrety ;) mayb he's ready 4 it... also, sexy bed head @_@”

It astounded me that even people on the internet could make me blush like a fool. I decided to leave it at that simply because I heard Ray open the front door.

“Anyone home?” He screamed from the bottom of the stair case.

“Come on up, I've gotta get a shirt.” I stood up from my seat and began rummaging through my closet.

“Ooh baby, leave it off!” He again screamed as he ran up the steps.

I pulled out a blue shirt that said “You're first instinct was probably wrong too,” just as Ray reached the entrance to my room.

“Ya know,” he said giggling. “I was expecting a lot less chest hair. I'm impressed.”

“Shut up! Where are we off to?” I pulled the shirt on over my head.

“I was thinking just going back to my house after getting food somewhere? Maybe a burger joint?”

“Burgers sound so great right now.”

We walked to the nearest place that sold burgers. It wasn't too far and the burgers were delicious. After we were done eating, we walked back to Ray's house and played Xbox for the rest of the evening. At around 10 pm, I realized my phone was dead and asked if I could charge it.

“Absolutely,” Ray answered me. “I think I have a micro USB cable in my room. Adapter is in the wall.”

“Thanks Ray.” I departed out of his living room and into his room on the upper floor and plugged in my phone. I waited around a bit for it to turn on to see if I had any notifications. As soon as it booted up, I was hit with an onslaught of notifications. Most of them were people writing on my wall about miscellaneous moments at the party last night. There was also a message from Michael.

“Sorry I had to run off this morning. If you want, you can text me.” He left his number at the end of the message. “I'd love to see you again...”

I couldn't keep myself from smiling. I saved his number in my phone then unplugged the charger, taking it down stairs with me and inserting it in the wall closest to where I was sitting.

“What are you so smiley about?” Ray asked as I picked up my controller again.

I turned to him and smiled even bigger. “I didn't tell you earlier, but Michael kissed me last night.”

“Wait, what?” Ray paused the game and put down his controller. “What the fuck he's straight though I don't understand!”

“I don't either!” I exclaimed. “But it totally happened and he added me on Facebook and sent me his number and you can not tell anyone, Ray.”

“I know, I know. I want to but I know better.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Holy shit dude, I'm happy for you but I didn't expect that at all.”

“I wasn't expecting it at the time, either.”

“Have you texted him yet?”

The smile disappeared from my face. My pulse picked up and my breathing got heavy.

The thought of texting him was terrifying.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: cute inc. Also, this one is for brainfreeze711(a user on tumblr) because there are some rude people telling her to stop doing what she wants and SHE CAN DO WHAT SHE WANTS YA HEAR <3 this one is long and very cute and makes ME fuzzy rereading it so enjoy!

 I told Ray that I would walk myself home that night. I only stayed til around eleven, which was a decent time since his mom would be home at midnight. For most of the way home I stared at my phone, trying to decide what I should text Michael. I stopped walking several times and thought about every terrible situation that could happen as a result. I was three blocks away from my house when I found a bench on the side of the road. I sat down and unlocked my screen and went to my contacts. I typed in “Michael” and his name popped up. I tapped on it to send him a message and my phone screen froze. _Well, if that's not a sign, I don't know what is_ I thought.

When I was about to get up and start walking again, I heard a confused “hello?” coming from my phone. I held it up to my ear and repeated the question back.

“You called me, why are you saying hello?” He sounded almost irritated.

“I-I'm sorry I didn't mean-”

“Gavin?”

“Yeah it's me. My phone froze and-”

“Where are you right now?”

“I'm headed back from Ray's house right now. I'm on my way home.”

“No, I mean, like, exactly where are you? I want to see you.”

“Mic-Michael, um-”

“Is that okay?”

I sighed. I was a stuttering wreck of a boy. I looked around for a street sign. “I'm at the c-corner of Fifth and P-Park street.”

“If you don't want to see me that's fine we can just talk...”

“No, I was just caught off guard.” I tried so hard to keep my voice under control. Every bit of anxiety in my head found it's way to the surface. “I'd really like to see you t-too.”

Michael's voice turned to a tone that was soft and sweet. “Okay. I'll come get you. Stay where you are.”

“I'll see you in a bit.”

I was the first to hang up, which was very odd. Usually it was always the other person.

I sat on the bench and waited for what seemed like forever. I could feel the heat all over my body. My hands were sweating. My heart was pounding. All of my thoughts were running at 1,000 miles an hour. I had my eyes permanently fixed on my hands in my lap. My knee was bouncing in a nervous fit and I couldn't get it to stop no matter how hard I tried.

I could hear a car coming up the street and I couldn't bear to look at it until it was stopped beside me. I looked up and it turned out to be an old black truck. Michael opened the passenger side door and smiled at me.

“Would you like to join me for a cruise, Mr. Free?” He was leaning over the middle console and holding out a hand for me to take.

I laughed nervously and got up, taking his hand then climbing in. “Now you ask me,” I tried to joke.

“Yeah, sorry about that.” He watched as I shut the door and put on my seat belt. “I really wanted you to say yes and I got ahead of myself.” He put the truck in drive and we accelerated down the road.

“I-it's okay.” I looked over at him in the darkness. Every so often, we'd pass under a street light and I'd catch the glare off of his glasses.

“Do you want to listen to music?” He reached down by my legs and a gasped as a reaction. I tried to make it as silent as possible but I knew that he had heard by the giggle in his voice. “I've got a few albums in the binder thingy in here.” He pulled on a latch under the dash, revealing the glove box.

I flipped through the pages looking for something I was familiar with. Arctic Monkeys, The Black Keys, The Strokes. I pulled out Favourite Worst Nightmare by the Arctic Monkeys and put it in the CD player. The first track, Brianstorm, started playing and Michael turned it down to a background noise level.

We spent at least an hour driving around through back roads and back into the city then out again, talking about ourselves and getting to know each other. I found out that he actually grew up in New Jersey and moved just before middle school started. I found out what he liked to do and how he spent his days during the summer break. I also found out somethings that I didn't really want to know when we talked about our firsts

“The first time I had sex, I was fifteen,” He stated. His voice had gotten heavier as he stared ahead at the road. “I was an idiot kid and thought things like drinking and smoking would make me cool. She was seventeen. A senior. I didn't even know her name.” His hands tightened over the steering wheel. “God, I hated myself for so long after that.”

“We all make mistakes,” I said. I wasn't sure if I was helping or just making it worse.

He didn't talk for several minutes until he pulled over to the side of the road. It was in the middle of no where. There wasn't a single house.

“What was your first time like?” He asked me in a more casual tone.

“Well,” I thought about it. It was a little embarrassing to bring up but he'd shared his story with me. “It was with a guy.”

“Oh?” He questioned, genuinely interested.

“Yeah,” I looked at my thumbs and twiddled them around a bit, thinking how to approach the conversation. “His name was Dan. I was 16. I was terrified and it hurt. That's pretty much all I want to say.” My face grew hot.

“That's okay. You don't have to talk about it.” He turned towards me in his seat after turning the car completely off. The background music was gone and we sat in the chilling silence.

“Have you ever been with a girl?” His voice broke the silence.

“N-no. I guess I never was really into that.” I looked out the window trying to avoid his gaze. I had suddenly gotten nervous and I didn't know why. “Have you been with a guy?”

He sighed and looked down. “Yeah. Once. I definitely don't want to talk about that.”

“Understood there.” I looked at my phone. It was nearly two in the morning.

“Were you tired?” he asked, turning back around in his seat to face the wheel. He crossed his arms over it and rested his head on top of them. “I can take you home if you want.” He sounded defeated.

“I don't really want to go home,” I looked him directly in the eyes.

He smiled and opened his door. “I think I could arrange that. Come on out.”

He stepped out of the truck as I opened my door and by the time I had managed to climb out, he was sitting on the tail gate, looking up. I went and sat down beside him and looked upwards to see what he was looking at.

Above us was the most beautiful and complete starry night sky I had ever seen. Every star was so bright. The city lights in the distance didn't disrupt the view like it normally would have. I gasped and lost my breath looking at it. Michael noticed and laughed.

“It's amazing!” I said as I looked at him. His smile was just as big as mine.

“I thought you'd like to see it from out here.” He placed his left hand over top of my right hand and I lost my breathing again, looking down frantically then back up at him. He laughed at my reaction.

“This is cliché as hell, you know that right?”

“Maybe just a smidge,” I replied, giggling. I nervously flipped my hand over and he laced his fingers in mine. I could feel the sweat from my palm in between our hands and got a little self conscious.

He reached his other hand up to my neck and leaned in slowly, looking down at my lips. I bit mine in response and placed my other hand on his leg.

“You're a blushing idiot, you know that?” His voice was soft. He looked into my eyes as our lips touched. Even though it had happened the night before, it felt like the first time. His were warm on mine and I was so stiff from nerves that I probably seemed like an idiot. It felt like we were locked like that for hours when, in reality, it had only been a few seconds.

When he pulled away, he cupped my jaw with his hand and went in for a small peck.

“I really like you, Gavin.” He stood from the back of the truck, hand still locked with mine.

“I really like you too.” I replied. He walked in front of me, still sitting, and stood in between my hanging legs. He wrapped his arms around my waist after letting go of my hand. I expected him to be going in for another kiss but instead he stood there, hugging me, burrowing his face into my neck.

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and looked up at the stars in the sky.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: I feel really good about this chapter. I read through it again after I was done (something I never do) and I didn’t have to change very much. I also had to take several breaks just because of certain parts (getting me hot and flustered THIS ISN’T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN TO THE AUTHOR WTF)

 After a while of standing together and hugging under the light of the stars, Michael pushed himself away from me and back into the truck. I followed, slipping into the passenger seat and shutting the door behind me. He started up the car and put it into drive, putting us back onto the road into town. I watched his face the whole time. A large smile was spread, dimples showing only when the light from passing cars would shine into the cab of the truck. I rested my arm on the middle console and not soon after Michael rested his there as well, taking my hand in his.

I couldn't help but feel the joy well up in my chest. I hadn't had someone to hold hands with in a very long time. _Not since my relationship with Dan went south last year._ It was pleasant to know that there was someone to give me the physical comfort I desired.

When my mother and I moved to the states, I hated the idea. I was leaving my entire life behind to build up another in a place I wasn't familiar with. I had to make new friendships. I had to find a group of people that wouldn't make fun of me for my stupid accent or the fact that I was gay. I hated the idea of breaking down every thing I once knew and starting over but fortunately it was working out.

And working out very quickly.

Michael and I didn't say a word other than me giving directions on the drive back to my house. It was a comfortable silence with music playing softly in the background. He pulled in front of my yard and turned off the truck and looked at me.

I wanted so badly to invite him inside for the night. I didn't want to let his hand go. I wanted to be with him again, sleeping in the same bed, ignoring the fact that I'd only known him for a very short period of time. I wanted to invite him in so badly, but when his lips pressed to mine yet again, I lost the words.

I tried so hard to focus as his hand slid around the back of my neck. I couldn't control my own hands it seemed. They tangled in his hair as the kiss got more and more intense. I slowly parted my mouth and he slipped his tongue just inside, nervously touching at my lips, then my teeth, then my tongue. My head was hot and swimming with awful thoughts of things I wouldn't normally want to do. His other hand found it's way to the bottom of my shirt. It played at the hem then slid slowly up my back and I shivered with joy. I was trying so hard to focus on the words I wanted to say.

I pulled back a little, noticing how eager he was to continue. “Mi-Michael,” I opened my eyes and kissed his lips, removing my hand from his hair. His eyes fluttered open, his hands still holding me. Our foreheads touched and I noticed that his chest was heaving, much like mine.

“Michael,” I tried to start again.

“Y-yeah?” He asked giving me another peck of a kiss, missing my lips entirely and hitting my nose.

“Would you,” I paused, putting my hands on his leg, trying to resist the urge to go back in. “Want to stay the night?”

The blush in our cheeks was very apparent. He drew his head back away from me and looked in my eyes. I could tell what he was thinking.

“Gavin, we,” he removed his hand from my shirt but kept it resting on my waist. “I just met you, I don't think-”

“No! No, no, not like that.” My cheeks grew warmer and warmer. I held a hand up to my forehead and sat back in my seat, leaving Michael's hands laying over the middle console. “I'd just like some company, that's all.”

There was a long silence before either of us could speak. He put his head down in thought.

Then he opened his door, sliding his keys in his pocket and locking it behind him. I followed. Michael was waiting for me on my lawn. I reached him and he smiled at me then took my hand.

“Th-thank you, Michael.” I walked him to the front door and fiddled around with my own keys, trying to unlock the it.

He kissed me on the temple. “No need for thanks.”

When I finally opened the door, both of us stepped inside. I was anticipating the alarm, but it never went off. I shut the door and locked it behind us. A voice called out from the kitchen.

“Gavin?” My mother's voice rang through the house.

“Mum?” I called back in utter confusion.

“Gavy, darling, what are you doing walking in at this hour?” She came around the corner from the dining room to meet us in the front hallway and noticed Michael and I still holding hands. “Oh!” Her voice was surprised.

“Mom, this is Michael.” I put my hand over my face in embarrassment. “He was just taking me home.” Michael squeezed my hand as if to say “I get the hint,” and then dropped it.

“Mrs. Free?” He asked and then stuck out his hand for her to shake.

She took his after a moment of hesitation. “Hello, Michael! Nice to meet you. It is about three in the morning though,” She paused taking a sip of her coffee. She was dressed in a nice pants suit. She must have been about ready to leave for work. “As much as I love to meet Gavin's boyfriends, I'd like you to have my son home at a decent hour next time.” She smiled and took another sip of her coffee.

“Mum!” I yelled in retaliation. I could feel my cheeks go hot again as Michael laughed.

“With all due respect, Mrs. Free,” I looked over at him expecting him to say 'we aren't dating.' “I promise it will never happen again.”

I felt my heart flutter when he didn't say anything about the boyfriend comment. My mom was well aware of my sexuality. I came out to her when I was fourteen. She loved to poke fun at me just like any mother would. It was a little awkward for her at first because she was born and raised catholic, but we did get through it together.

“Great to hear,” she smiled yet again and retreated back into the kitchen. “Well, I'm off to work.”

I followed her, and just as she opened the door that lead to the garage, I caught her for a hug. She didn't react at first, then hugged back. “Love you mum.”

“Love you too.” She lowered her voice, releasing the hug. “Michael can stay if he wants but you know I'll know if things happen.”

I looked at her wide eyed and wasn't able to respond. She patted my head then shut the door behind her.

I turned to look back at Michael who was standing at the front door, barely visible around the walls. When I walked back out to him, he looked at me and put his hands in his pockets.

“I guess I'll go then? I didn't expect your mom to catch us...”

“She said you could stay.” I didn't know what else to say to him. I was still in disbelief. I was never allowed to have anyone over for the night, let alone another boy.

I took his hand in mine and he followed me up the steps to my room.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: this is pretty much just a short little filler in between chapters. Had a friend over tonight (wow It’s fucking late and he’s still fucking here why) for pathfinder building characters. I’m going to try to get another chapter out tonight but probably not.

 The next morning, I woke up to Michael kissing my neck. I was startled at first by the feeling but as I slowly opened my eyes, I saw his curly hair and giggled.

“What are you doing?” I asked him, stretching out.

“It's time to wake up, idiot.” He said it with a soft tone.

“What if I don't want to?” I turned over on my side away from him, making it harder to access my neck. I reached for the covers to protect myself but they had been kicked to the bottom of the bed at some point during the night.

“You have to though.” He threw an arm and leg over me and shoved his face into the back of my neck.

“And why's that?” I could feel his warm breath tickling the top of my back, giving my chills.

“Because I'm up. You have to entertain me,” he said with a playful whine. Pushing against me, I could feel myself slowly falling off the bed.

“Michael!” I yelped trying to get him to stop pushing us but he just giggled and pushed a little harder. “Michael!” I screamed again as we fell to the floor with a thud.

I ended up landing flat on my stomach with him on my back. He hovered over me and whispered in my ear, “I'm gonna use your shower.” He got up after kissing my neck one more time and departed out my door to the restroom.

He and I had gone straight to bed the night before. We both agreed that we were too tired to function and would hang out in the morning.

I walked over to my computer and checked YouTube. My videos each had about twenty to forty views and I had three more subscribers, which was a big surprise. I figured I should record another one while Michael was in the shower.

“Hello, I'm back again and pretty tired still. I just woke up, had someone over last night. It was uh,” I put my hand through my hair and my cheeks grew hot. “It was the boy that kissed me. And yes, we kissed a lot but nothing more. We're hanging out today, all day, so that should be fun. He's actually in my shower right now so I can't make this super long. Wouldn't want him to think I'm some kind of weird imbecile that posts a diary on YouTube.” I cut the video at that and set it to upload.

I waited around for a while for Michael to get out when his phone buzzed on my desk. I thought it was my phone at first and I picked it up to check the notification. It was an email from YouTube.

_A subscription has uploaded a new video!_

I realized it wasn't my phone and put it down as Michael walked back into the room. He was shirtless, his jeans hanging just below his boxers. His hair was dripping wet. He wasn't wearing his glasses. I caught myself staring and had to look away.

“So,” he started saying. “I may have, kind of sort of, accidentally threw my shirt into your toilet...”

It took me a moment to respond. “How...”

“I don't know.” He shook his head in disbelief.

“I'll give you one of mine to wear.” I crossed the room to my closet and started looking.

“No offense, Gav, but you're pretty scrawny compared to me. I don't know if I would fit in one of your shirts.”

I found one that should be his size. “Here,” I threw it at him.

He opened it up and snorted. “Explore my body?” He couldn't help but burst out laughing at the shirt. He turned it around to face me. “It has a picture of a fucking horse head on it. What the hell!”

I chuckled along with him. It was a ridiculous shirt and I had to think for a moment where I had gotten it from. As I remembered, the smile faded from my face.

“Where did you even get this?” He asked, still laughing.

“It was a gag gift I got for Christmas one year,” I sat down on the edge of the bed and rested my chin on my hand. “From my ex. Dan.”

He put the shirt on and noticed that my place had changed to the bed and that my face was that of displeasure. “Is it a sore subject?” He asked, crossing the room to me.

“It's a bit of one.”

“You don't have to talk about it.”

“I really wasn't planning on it.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: I feel better after writing this. yes yes yes. the next few chapters are going to be kind of time-lapse like but not really maybe just one of them. I need to CONSULT MY NOTES BECAUSE I MADE NOTES WHAT THE HELL WHEN DID I START GETTING ORGANIZED

 We started the day watching some news show on the television, eating cereal I found in the cupboard. We didn't say much apart from making snide comments about how biased everything was and what the news casters were wearing, until of course, Michael broke the silence.

“So, last night when we walked in...” He set his empty bowl on the coffee table and leaned back on the couch, spreading an arm behind me.

“Yeah?” I asked questioningly, doing the same with my bowl, then tucking my legs up to my chest.

“I noticed your mom called me your boyfriend?” He looked at me, presumably for a reaction.

“I'm sorry about that, Michael.” I put my chin on my knees and waited for him to go on.

“No, that's completely fine, I didn't mind that. It's just that, she knows about you being gay?”

I could hear the shock in his voice, as if he didn't believe it was possible for parents to understand. “Yeah, she knows. I came out when I was fourteen.”

He gave me a puzzled look. “Oh?” He avoided making eye contact with me.

“Yeah,” I said, getting ready to explain. It seemed as if he wanted me to go on. “When I first came out, it was because I had started dating... Dan... He thought it would be good if I told my parents about it. Pretty much forced me into doing it a lot earlier than I had planned. My mom was shocked. She didn't know what to do. Her family and church had taught her that homosexuality was a sin and she didn't want her little boy to be damned. My dad, on the other hand was the real terror. He forced her to send me to straight camps and wouldn't allow me to be put in school. I was home schooled for a year after I came out. He...” I trailed off, unsure if I should let Michael into that part of my life. I hardly knew him. Before I could catch it, a tear ran down my cheek and Michael lowered his arm so it was around my shoulder.

“You really don't have to talk about it, Gav, I understand.”

“No,” I stopped and wiped my eye. “I haven't talked about this to anyone since last year. I need to let this out.”

“Okay.” He pulled me into him so my back was to his chest, then leaned back against the arm of the couch. “I'm here to listen.”

“My dad was a monster after that. I wasn't allowed to leave the house. I couldn't see Dan. I could hardly talk to my mother because I was afraid of what he would do to her. I had every right to be scared after he did what he did to me. He... basically tried to beat it out of me. Every other day I'd have a new bruise. My mother would cry, begging him to stop. I was sneaking out of the house nearly every night to see Dan. He was the only one that kept me sane, and eventually would be the one that called the police to catch my dad in the act. He was sent to prison and my mother filed for divorce. He got out on good behavior and my mother had to file for a restraining order and it was a big mess. My mom tried to love me as best she could, but her family had rejected her after the divorce. Cut off from pretty much everything once they found out about me. I was just some freak to them.”

“But Dan didn't think so, I take it?” Michael interjected. His tone was slightly annoyed but still soft and pleasant and comforting. I'm sure he wanted me to quit talking about Dan.

“Yes. He was really the only one I had until my mom finally accepted it.” I sighed and snuggled in to Michael's chest. He wrapped his arms around me and put a hand in my hair. “But Dan turned out to be a big dumb idiot and that's all there is to say about him.” I knew I was crying at that point but I wasn't aware of how much I had been crying. That is, until Michael kissed my head and told me that everything was okay and that he was there. He shushed me and rubbed his hand over my back.

I laughed and looked up at him. “I'm such a broken idiot. Crying this much. I shouldn't be crying this much.”

He kissed my forehead and met my eyes. “You may be an idiot, but not in the way you're thinking and you're definitely not broken. Not in the least.”

At that I cried harder. “No, I'm broken. Why would anyone want someone as broken and scarred as I am?”

“I want you, flaws and all. No boyfriend of mine is broken.”

And that was the day that Michael Jones and I started dating.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: blah blah blah this took me forever to get to and it’s still not to the part that I wanted it to be at but the next chapter is gonna be different so I have to prepare for that. Then it gets to a part that I want it to be at. God damn I still have so much to write before this is over (which is good news)

 The next few weeks were the best I'd had in a long time. We kept us being together a secret to everyone but Ray and my mother. Michael wasn't ready to tell his parents and I respected that and promised I wouldn't pressure him into it like Dan had me.

We would look at each other in the middle of class and smile. We'd sneak out of our classes we didn't have together to meet in the restroom, kissing until we heard someone coming, then we'd pretend to wash our hands. Michael was what I thought about every day. My dreams of him were becoming much more vivid and memorable, and occasionally a little sexual in nature.

I was so awkward when it came to physical interaction. We could hold hands and kiss but once we started getting a little more intimate, I would tense up and not be able to react. We hadn't gone much further than making out for that very reason. Michael liked to tell me otherwise but I was utterly convinced.

Nearly every day we were together after school, staying at either his house or mine. We would always be playing video games or talking or even just watching television.

I had put up a few videos of Ray and I playing games on Xbox live. Michael came over to my house one day while I was editing footage. He thought that it looked interesting and immediately wanted to take part. Ray and I included him in our game nights and eventually migrated to Ray's house so we could play while we were all in one room. Those videos had significantly more views than the others on my channel. It seemed like LtMkilla also didn't like to comment on those videos. The user only showed interest in my personal videos.

On one particular Sunday night about midway through September, I was sitting at home alone editing one of the videos. Michael and I didn't usually hang out on Sunday nights because of school being the next day. Typically Michael did his homework on that day of the week where I would do mine Friday, immediately after school and before the football games and Michael's parties he seemed to throw every weekend. It made for some very uneventful Sundays but I kept myself busy with the videos.

I was sitting at my desk, going through the footage. We had been playing some arcade game that Ray wasn't really into. He kept doing the most ridiculous things just to try and hinder Michael's progress. Michael was poking fun at me so I eventually joined Ray in his mission to make him fail. I was about ready to cut out a part of the footage the video didn't need when Skype started ringing in the background. I looked at the username and it wasn't familiar. It wasn't in my contacts. I let it ring for a while before deciding against my better judgment to answer. I put on my headset and clicked to pick up.

“Hello?” I asked questioningly.

“Hi,” the male voice said back.

“Who is this?” My tone was a little more irritated.

“Oh come on.” Their accent was close to mine and I was thoroughly confused. “You know damn well who it is, Gav.”

At eliminating all other possible choices, my heart sank. I knew exactly who it was. “Dan.”

“That's right.” He sounded cheerful. “I thought I'd just give you a call. How are things in the states?”

I couldn't believe it. “Dan,” I paused, trying to focus my thoughts. “We haven't talked for a year.”

“More like ten months, really.”

Ten months. It felt like an eternity. Although we had broken up, Dan always had a spot in my heart. He'd helped me through the hardest part of my life. He'd been there for me up until he wasn't. He always had a way of weaseling himself back into my thoughts and feelings by just the simplest word. I would never truly be over Dan Gruchy.

“I'm sorry, Dan. I don't really know what to say.” The last time we had talked hadn't been the day we broke up. I wish it had been. He contacted me a few weeks after asking for me back. I couldn't stand him after what he'd done to me but I wanted so badly to say yes. “You kind of ripped the happiness from my life.”

“Oh, shut up.” We both sat in awkward silence. “I really just called to tell you that I'm single again.”

“What a surprise,” my voice was heavy with sarcasm. I was really getting annoyed with him, but I couldn't hang up.

“Easy on that tone there Gav. Anyway I was just curious if you're seeing anyone.”

“Actually, I am.”

“I bet he's a complete tosser.”

I almost didn't want to respond. “Did you come here just to insult me and my boyfriend that you know nothing about or have you actually come to say something of meaning?”

“I miss you Gav.” He said it flatly. Without emotion. Without any notification either way if he was being truthful or not. I knew he wasn't being truthful. He loved to play with me. He loved to tear me apart, piece by piece. And it got to me every single time.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: This probably killed me a lot more than it will kill you

 My phone started to vibrate. I told myself I wouldn't check it until I finished my homework. I promised Gavin I'd get my homework done before I did anything else. He worried about me so much. I was doing below average in all of my classes since we started dating. He didn't want me to have bad grades and he'd even suggested once that we shouldn't hang out for a couple weeks until my grades came back up. I caved after three days of not seeing him outside of school. He made me promise not to check my phone and I intended to keep that promise.

I looked at the clock beside me on the desk. It was just after midnight. The homework I had on the table was proving to be more difficult than I had originally thought it to be. Gavin even asked me if I needed help with it and I shrugged it off like it would be no big deal. Just two more questions to answer and I would have been done.

My phone went off again. I really wanted to get up and check it. I wondered if it was the same person as the first. It most likely was, I just wasn't sure why they weren't leaving me a voice mail instead. It must have been at least a little important for them to call right after the first hadn't gone through. I pushed myself out of the chair just as the phone stopped.

It was sitting on the nightstand by my bed, plugged in to it's charger. The blue flashing light indicated that I had missed a call. I wanted so desperately to cross the room to it and text Gavin, but I knew I had to finish my homework.

Just as I was about to sit down, it started to vibrate again. I crossed the room to it and looked down at the screen. A picture of Gavin with a box of noodles spilled over his head was displayed. I was thankful he was calling me and was eager to talk to him.

“Hey, Gavin,” I picked up the phone and flopped backward on to my bed and waited for his response. It would usually be a “Hi, Michael” in his goofy accent. I loved the way my name sounded when he said it.

But it didn't come.

“Gav?” I sat up.

“Mi-Michael?” his voice sounded shaky.

“Are you okay?”

He let out something that sounded like half a laugh. “Not... really.”

“What's going on?” My heart was pounding in my chest. I stood up from the bed and started pacing. Something was most definitely not right.

“I... I need you to... uh... come over.” His words sounded like they were carefully placed. Like he was trying not to trip over them. Or slur them.

“Gavin, babe, you're scaring me. Are you drunk?” I started looking for my jacket. It wasn't in my room. Opening my door, I found it slung over the back of the couch.

“Doesn't matter.” The answer was given with an irritated tone.

“It does matter.” I grabbed my keys from my coat pocket and walked out the door beside my room. It lead to a stair case connecting to the garage where my car was parked. “It very much so matters.”

“Michael,” he choked on my name. “I really need you. I need you. Please come. I need you.”

He went on with the sentence. I couldn't get a word in. He kept repeating himself, clearly crying and slurring his words. “Gav,” I tried to call his name to calm him down. It took two or three times before he slowed down the words. “It's okay.”

“I need you.”

“Shh, Gavin, I know.”

“I need you.”

Each one sounded more urgent than the last.

“It's okay Gav.”

“I-I need you.” A shaky breath was let out.

“I'm starting my car right now.”

“I need you, Michael.”

“I'm on my way, Gavin.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This has NSFW in it please be wary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: WOW THAT TOOK LONG/NSFW this was a warning on it for a reason and it will be in the tags at well I hope you enjoy (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧
> 
> The original chapter was posted in two parts but it seems as though it was saved in one file on my computer so again, the final chapter number will be changed.

 I hung up when I couldn't manage to say anything else. I was a blubbering idiot. I couldn't shut my mouth for five seconds and then when I tried to say something worth while, I couldn't say anything at all. I was a worthless human. I was unworthy of affection. Everything I did was a waste of someone's time and energy. What did Michael see in me? I was so weak. I was always such a weak person, caving in at the slightest mention of something that I thought would please me. Like Dan. I played into his little game. Admitted that I was still in love with him. Still wanted to be with him. Still needed him in my life. He laughed in my face and called me out for what I really was: worthless.

I thought the alcohol would please me as well. I thought it would help drown out the pain that Dan had caused. The pain that I had cause by playing in to Dan's stupid little game. My mother had a bottle of Jack Daniel's stashed in the back of the cupboard. I downed it. It tasted like ass, but I downed it and it was gone. I waited for the better feelings to kick in but they never did. My mood spiraled downward as I pulled out all my flaws from the deepest corners of my mind. My entire world spun as I saw that my phone was ringing. Michael's picture was blurred across the front screen and I couldn't make my hands work to answer it. Nor did I want to.

I was spread out on the floor of my bedroom. I was a sobbing mess. I couldn't move. I just kept looking up at the ceiling, wishing I didn't have to breathe.

I heard a knock at the door and my name being called. It must have been locked. I couldn't make out the voice but I was positive it was Michael. My heart sank at that realization. I had called him and he dropped everything he was doing to come over. I had begged him, but the fact that he actually came was heartbreaking. I didn't deserve someone like him.

I pulled myself onto my knees and tried to stand, but fell right back over. The front door was just down the steps and my room was right at the top of them. I decided I would crawl out the door and down the stairs. I tried to carefully maneuver myself down, but I still ended up falling down and hurting myself. I bashed my head off the hand railing and things seemed to spin quite a bit more than they had been before.

“Gav?” His voice sounded panicked from behind the door. Several loud bangs accompanied the door handle wiggling.

“Mi...” my throat was dry and my lungs felt heavy as I tried to say his name. He probably wouldn't have heard my voice had I completed the word. I reached up and turned the lock on the door.

It opened as quickly as it could though he stopped when he realized I was sitting on the floor in a spot he could easily hit me. The alarm on the wall started beeping.

“Gavin, why the hell are you on the floor?” He leaned down to me and placed his arms under mine, picking me up and sitting me on a step. “What's wrong? Why are you crying?”

“Mi-Michael, the alarm.” I pointed to the box on the wall.

He turned his head to face it then walked over to it. “What's the code?”

“I...” I placed my hand over my mouth, forcing vomit to stay down. “I think i-it's 4790.”

He put the numbers in and, thankfully, they were correct. He shut the door and crossed the small walkway to me. I was trying to avoid his eyes and look at the wood floor. Everything in the room was spinning. I was sick to my stomach and wanted to vomit.

“Gavin, what is going on?” he bent down, resting his knees on the step in front of me and leaned in, lifting my chin so I was forced to look at him in the face. I felt like such a failure.

“I-I'm,” I paused, interrupted by a hiccup escaping my mouth. “I'm so sorry Michael.” Tears fell faster than before. I didn't want to face him like this. I didn't want him to see me like this. “I'm such a fucking idiot.”

“Shut up, Gavin.” He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into him. My face met his shoulder and I cried into his gray hoodie at the bottom of the steps for what seemed like forever. I couldn't even move my hands to hold him back. He sat there consoling me without even knowing what was wrong while I was slumped into his shoulder with my arms hanging at my sides. I was so undeserving.

I felt fingers in my hair at the same time the gurgling in my stomach began again. “Michael,” I paused pulling away, almost losing my balance. My head came close to hitting the railing again. “I'm g-gonna throw up.”

I didn't have to say another word. He threw my arm over his shoulder and stood, leading me up the steps and to the bathroom. I hunched over the toilet, expelling everything from my stomach while Michael sat on the edge of the tub behind me, rubbing a hand over my back.

When I thought I was done, Michael made me drink some water out of the sink faucet. I got it all down the front of my shirt along with what puke didn't make it into the toilet. He helped me back to my room and sat me down on the edge of the bed.

“Take your shirt off,” he demanded. I struggled to get it over my head but by the time Michael had picked a new one out for me, it was gone. He slipped the clean shirt over my head and assisted me in placing my arms through the holes. I positioned myself so I was laying on my bed with my head on my pillow. My head was still spinning and I couldn't focus on anything. I felt the bed shift beside me and arms were wrapped around me. I turned to face Michael and hid my face in his chest.

“Are you sober enough to explain what all this is about?” He spoke softly and laced his fingers in my hair.

“Not really s-sober enough.” My arms were up against his chest and my legs were tangled with his. He smelled like his letterman had at the first football game. “Dan skype called me.”

I could feel his jaw clench. His chin was resting on my head. “Go on.”

“I'm so stupid Michael. I don't know why I listened.”

“What did he say to you?” His voice was stern.

My tears picked up again. “He told me he missed me a-and wanted me back.” I didn't want to tell him the rest. The things that I had told him. “I don't deserve you, Mi-Michael.”

“Don't say that.”

“I don't. I really don't. I said it back to him Michael. I'm scum. I'm so stupid. I don't deserve you. I told him I missed him. I told him I was still in love with him. I'm an idiot. I don't deserve you. I don't. I don't. I don't.” I couldn't stop myself from going on and on. Much like before I was a babbling, sobbing idiot and I'd more than likely hurt Michael.

“Gavin, stop.” He pulled himself away and brought my chin up so I was looking at him again. He wiped my eyes and kissed my nose. “I don't care. It's tough. You were with him forever. He did something nasty. He played with you. You caved. I don't care what you said because I'm your boyfriend and I'm supposed to be here for you no matter what and that's exactly what I'm going to do.”

I was speechless. He just accepted it. I truly didn't know what to say. I was expecting him to break up with me because of what I had said to Dan.

“I am hurt but it's something we can work on.” He leaned in and kissed me softly. “Now, can you please tell me why you thought it was a good idea to drink half a bottle of Jack?”

I shook my head. “I thought I chugged all of it.”

“Thank fucking god you didn't or we'd be getting your stomach pumped at the hospital right now.”

“I'm sorry Michael.” I could feel him kicking his shoes off. They thumped on the ground and he readjusted himself so his legs were more thoroughly tangled with mine.

“It's fine, I'm just glad you're okay. I thought you died when the phone call dropped. I expected to find a body.”

My heart fell in my chest as I kissed his chin. He hugged me then slowly released me. I rolled over onto my back and he cuddled up to me, shoving his face in my neck. I could feel his lips peck softly against my skin. His hand grabbed at my shirt as he moved down to my collar bone.

“Michael,” I gasped as his teeth came in contact with my chest. The top of my shirt had been pulled down a bit. I rested my hand on his side and he scooted closer to me then looked up at my face.

“Is this okay?” He got up so he was hovering over me, hands beside my shoulders. He then leaned in to kiss my neck softly before he began sucking and licking the tender spot. I felt my cheeks grow very hot and knew my entire face was bright red. The alcohol still in my system dulled my senses but it still felt wonderful.

I let a small moan escape from my throat.

Michael giggled in response and met my lips. “I probably shouldn't tease you while you're in this state.” A hand came up to cup my jaw and he kissed me again. When he pulled away, I could see a tear on his cheek.

“Michael, why are you crying?” I leaned up to him and pressed my lips against his.

“Because I want you to be happy.” He wiped his sleeve covered hand against his cheek. “I want to make you happy.”

“You do make me happy.” I pulled his face back to me to plant another kiss on his lips.

“I want to do a better job.” He placed the hand cupping my jaw on my hip and it sent shivers up my spine. He kissed my chin then my neck then my chest and slowly moved down until he met the waist band of my shorts. I watched him as he unzipped my pants, revealing my boxers. I was beyond aroused by looking at him. I didn't want him to feel obligated to do anything like that for me even though I wanted it. I knew I didn't deserve him.

“Michael,” I called his name as I tried to sit up. The room was still spinning. I kissed him while he slid my pants off. “Michael, you don't-”

Another kiss interrupted my sentence as he smoothed his hand over my erection through my boxers. I gasped with his lips still pressed to mine and I could feel his form a smile. He pushed me back on the bed.

“Don't watch me,” Michael called as he pulled my boxers down. “I'll feel awkward.”

I kept my fingers in his hair and placed my other arm across my face so my eyes were hiding in the crook of my elbow. He lifted my shirt up a bit, kissing my stomach as he moved down. “Michael, you really don't have-”

I was cut off by the feeling of his tongue sliding down my penis. Once his lips touched the base, he closed his mouth around me and drew himself back, flicking his tongue around the whole way. He continued the tongue movements, bobbing his head up and down.

I couldn't stop myself from moaning. I was in complete bliss. If my mother had been home, we would have been caught within five seconds. I called his name out in a moan.

The hand he placed on my hip tightened, a thumb playing where my waistband would have been. I removed my arm from my face and placed it at my side, gripping the bed sheets as I got closer and closer to cumming. He removed me from his mouth and used his hand to jack me off, crawling up to meet my mouth with his just as I came. I wrapped my arms around his neck and bucked my hips into his hand.

He slowly released me and pulled away from my face. He was blushing a bright red and I was panting like an idiot. He smiled at me and kissed my nose, then escaped my embrace to leave the room. He came back with some paper towels about three minutes later, wiping what I had got on him from his hoodie.

“Michael, I'm so sorry I got it on you.” I was embarrassed when I realized my cum was all over my stomach as well.

“Shut up,” he giggled, sitting down on the bed by my feet. He pulled my boxers back up and wiped the mess off of me, discarding the paper towel in the waste basket by my desk. He took off his hoodie and threw it on the pillow next to my head after he removed a sandwich bag of ice from the pocket. “You've got a huge bump on your head.” He place the ice over my forehead and kissed me again once he moved up the bed.

“I fell down the steps,” I said simply. He was wearing a plain gray and black baseball t-shirt and I couldn't help but notice how good it looked on him.

“Well, I'm definitely not letting you go to school tomorrow. You can stay home while I nurse your hang over.” He stood up and left the room, turning out the bathroom light, the hallway light, and then my light, shutting my door behind him. “Is it okay if I take off my pants for bed?” He started undoing his pants and I attempted to move the sheets out from under me.

“S-sure,” I answered nervously. He removed his pants then crawled into bed with me, taking me in his arms and pulling the covers over us. He forced me to keep the ice on my head for a little while and we sat in the dark until he felt it was sufficiently taken care of.

“Michael?” I asked in a soft voice.

“Yeah, Gav?”

I was about to ask him something that had the potential to be very embarrassing. I had been thinking about it for a few days and really wanted to know what he thought about it. “Well, you know the homecoming dance is a few weeks away...”

“Gav,” he interjected in my pause. “Please don't ask me. I know, I really want to go with you and all that but no one knows about us.” His grip tightened around me and I tucked my face into his neck. “I don't know if there will be scouts that would get word of us through someone. I just want to be able to go to college and get a scholarship for football. I need a full ride. I don't want to put you as an obstacle but I don't know what colleges would think if-”

“Just a dance then?” I asked with a heavy heart. The alcohol had made me brave enough to ask – I was still moderately drunk – even though I already knew what the answer would be. I respected it too and completely understood, I just wish the answer was different. “One dance, Michael. It doesn't have to be in front of anyone. We could go behind the school even. I just want one dance at homecoming.”

He kissed my cheek and didn't say anything for a few seconds.

“I think I can do that.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: Sorry for the break yesterday but it was much needed I just didn't feel capable of progressing the story but this I am 100% satisfied with even though it doesn't feel the greatest. Also there is a conversation at the end and if it’s hard to read you should tell me so I can switch the formatting/upload it as a color coated image?? (now I know what hussie feels like when he writes conversations -.-)

 I woke up the next morning to an empty room and the biggest head ache I'd had in a very long time. The nausea was slowly slipping up the back of my throat and after seeing a half empty bottle of Jack Daniel's on my desk, I understood why. I couldn't quite remember the events of the previous evening. Everything was a blur and very hard to remember.

I threw my feet over the bed and rubbed my eyes. Instead of feeling the skin of my palm against my face, I was met with the fabric of a gray hoodie. I looked down and there was a crusty spot on the pocket. _Where the hell did I get this?_

Shrugging off the questions, I walked down to the kitchen to get a cup of water. I needed something to wash the horrible taste out of my mouth. When I entered the kitchen, I could hear the television on in the living room just off to the side. _Is my mother home?_

I poked my head around the corner to see Michael laying on the couch, arms crossed over his chest. Upon closer inspection, he was asleep. His glasses were still on and he never took his jeans off. _What kind of loon sleeps in those kinds of things?_

I smiled and kissed him on the forehead when his eyes fluttered open and he looked up at me.

“Hello, my little Michael,” I giggled and rustled his hair.

“Hey, Gav,” He stretched his arms out at his sides and sat up, grabbing for the remote on the coffee table. He turned the volume down and rubbed at his eyes.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, semi-confused. The light shining in from outside made me squint my eyes. My headache seemed to grow.

“What do you mean what am I doing here?” He laughed at me then looked my way, realizing I was serious. “Oh my god you really don't remember.”

“Don't remember what?”

“Maybe it's best you don't remember.”

“Michael that's not fair.”

He got up from the couch and went towards the kitchen, stopping at the fridge. He opened it and looked through the food, pulling out some plastic wrapped turkey bacon.

“Well,” He pondered as he looked for a frying pan. I pointed him to the correct cupboard. He opened the package and emptied it into the pan then placed it on the stove. “You were really upset and got drunk and called me to come over.”

“What was I upset about?” He was being shady. I could tell he was hiding something from me. I tried to remember what had happened but it was a black spot in my memories. “And why were you sleeping on the couch?”

He turned to me as the bacon began to sizzle. He looked like he hadn't gotten much sleep at all.

“You were talking in your sleep. I couldn't stay asleep so I just went down to the couch.” He said it very plainly and with a slight choke in his voice.

“I'm sorry, Michael. Maybe we can take a nap together?”

“I've got to go to school at least half a day so I can go to practice.”

I looked at the clock on the oven. It was 9:04. It hadn't even occurred to me that it was a school day. I nodded my head without expression.

Once he fixed me the turkey bacon, he said that he had to go. We hadn't said a word to each other and it felt very odd. He was being cold and I couldn't figure out why. I couldn't remember the previous night and I was for sure going to be in trouble if my mother found the half empty bottle of Jack in my room. I gave him a kiss on the cheek and watched him drive away.

I decided it was a good idea to clean up the mess that was my room so the evidence of my drunken night was gone. I hid the bottle of alcohol back in it's place in the back of the cupboard. I cleaned the bathroom where I had apparently thrown up at some point in the night. I threw away the miscellaneous paper towels that were laying on the floor and the plate that I had eaten off of. Once everything was clean, I sat down at my computer and noticed that Skype was the open window on my monitor. The previous conversations were listed in the side bar and I looked at an unfamiliar name that wasn't in my contacts. Clicking on it I saw the call history and suddenly remembered it was Dan and he had called me the previous night and that's why I had been upset. I was such an idiot.

A call wasn't the only thing that had been exchanged. There was a whole conversation that I don't remember having. I began to read it from the top

[5:02:24 AM] DtheMan: Gavy wavy are you still awake?

[5:02:38 AM] DtheMan: I just got off work don't you want to talk?

[5:03:37 AM] GavinoFree: Hello, fuck face

[5:04:01 AM] DtheMan: Language, love.

[5:05:46 AM] GavinoFree: Listen here you piece of shit. I don't know what you said to Gavin and I don't really care what he said to you I just want to tell you this

[5:05:57 AM] DtheMan: Ooo, clearly not Gavy.

[5:06:05 AM] DtheMan: You must be his new pet then?

[5:06:07 AM] GavinoFree: If you ever hurt Gavin again, I will personally fly to London and kick your ass so hard you'll be throwing up shit.

[5:06:24 AM] DtheMan: First off, I'm from Oxfordshire you twat

[5:06:39 AM] DtheMan: Secondly, Gav is the real piece of shit imo. Not my fault he fell for my rubbish

[5:09:23 AM] DtheMan: It seems you agree by your pause <3

[5:10:02 AM] GavinoFree: No fuck you listen here you trash bag

[5:11:43 AM] GavinoFree: Gavin is not a piece of shit. Gavin is amazing. Everyday I wake up and think about how wonderful he is and how lucky I am to have him. You don't even deserve to speak his name/type it/what the fuck ever. You don't deserve to be in his life you don't deserve to look at pictures of him you don't deserve his replies.

[5:13:59 AM] GavinoFree: I don't like to see Gavin hurt and he doesn't deserve to be hurt especially by people like you.

[5:14:09 AM] DtheMan: It's cute that you stick up for such a baby like him

[5:14:15 AM] DtheMan: I was never able to keep up honestly

[5:14:24 AM] DtheMan: Not to mention he was the worst ass hole I've ever fucked

[5:14:28 AM] DtheMan: Literally

[5:14:32 AM] GavinoFree: Shut the fuck up.

[5:14:45 AM] DtheMan: It seems I've struck a nerve

[5:14:52 AM] DtheMan: You must be experiencing the same thing

[5:15:25 AM] GavinoFree: No, you're fucking wrong. I'm telling you to shut the fuck up because you should really shut the fuck up.

[5:15:37 AM] GavinoFree: Gavin isn't a fucking fuck toy only meant for sexual pleasure and maybe that's why your shitty relationship with him failed so miserably because all you wanted to do was fuck him and have sex and be pleasured.

[5:15:49 AM] GavinoFree: Relationships are for more than just fucking

[5:15:50 AM] DtheMan: Our relationship failed because I fucked someone else and Gavin caught me.

[5:16:02 AM] DtheMan: I fucked two other people actually.

[5:16:30 AM] DtheMan: I fucked them hard and good and I'm not even ashamed

[5:16:42 AM] DtheMan: I fucked the one guy in the other room while I'm sure Gavin could hear from the kitchen

[5:16:58 AM] DtheMan: If Gavin has told you any of this which I'm sure he hasn't, what he for sure hasn't told you was that

[5:17:06 AM] DtheMan: He still wanted to be with me

[5:17:23 AM] DtheMan: After all the cheating I had done on him the poor fucker still wanted to be with me

[5:17:45 AM] DtheMan: I dumped HIM

[5:18:02 AM] DtheMan: and after the events of earlier this morning, it just proves that he'll always come running back to me.

[5:18:03 AM] DtheMan: Have fun living with that on your shoulders.

[5:18:20 AM] GavinoFree: Go to hell you fucking worthless manipulative piece of shit

_You have blocked this person and they will no longer be able to contact you. Resend contact request?_

The tears were dripping off of my chin and I was gagging on my audible cries. Michael had found out why Dan and I had split and that was most likely the reason why he was acting odd earlier. He'd done his best to defend me even though I didn't deserve it. I tried to figure out why he hadn't deleted the messages but it didn't really matter anymore. All I wanted to do was crawl into bed with him and kiss him and tell him how great of a boyfriend he was. More than anything, I wanted to apologize to him. I didn't know what I would apologize for, but I felt the need to.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: Filler filler filler filler filler   
> but it was kind of necessary in some sense because I needed to get a bit in about homecoming so necessary filler filler filler filler

 I sat awake in my bed until school would have gotten off. Michael hadn't texted me once which was a little concerning but I understood if he didn't have the time. I was very tired but I couldn't get back to sleep. Thoughts of Michael and Dan's interaction kept me awake.

At around three, I felt my phone buzz from underneath my pillow. I dug it out and it was Michael and he was calling me.

“Hey,” I answered the phone, trying to sound like I had just woken up.

“How are you feeling?”

“I'm feeling better. Michael, I-”

“Good to hear,” he cut me off. “Listen, I'm sorry Gav, I don't have a lot of time to talk before practice starts but I just wanted to let you know that I'm sending someone over to check on you.”

“I don't need a baby sitter.”

“Lindsay collected all the stuff you missed today, she's just coming over to make sure-”

“Why Lindsay?”

“Because she's in your government and lit classes and she went out of her way to check to see if you had calculus and Spanish homework. I've gotta go. She should be there in a couple minutes.”

“Wait but Michael,” I tried to stop him from hanging up but the line had already gone dead.

A few minutes later, Lindsay was knocking on my door. I went to let her inside and realized I had never put on pants. After yelling to hold on and running back up the stairs to find a pair of gym shorts, I was finally able to let her in. She greeted me with a big, toothy smile.

“Hi, Gavin!”

“Hey Lindsay. Michael just called and said you had some homework for me?”

“Oh, yeah I've got it all right here.” She patted a plastic bag that was hanging from her wrist as she walked past me through the door.

I felt awkward about her inviting herself in. “You can just sit that on the kitchen table.”

“Sure thing,” She set the bag down and then turned to look at me. “Michael also told me that I'm supposed to make sure you're okay and eating and stuff.”

“I'm fine,” I spread my arms out and smiled as if to tell her to look at me and see that I was. I'm sure I came off as a bit annoyed. “Everything is fine.”

“Okay,” she smiled at me and walked further into the kitchen. Opening the fridge and looking through it she asked if I was hungry.

“Lindsay,” I sighed and shook my head. “I'm really fine.”

“Gavin would you shut up and let me take care of you?” She giggled. She pulled out some lunch meat and cheese. “Do you like mayo?”

I couldn't fight it anymore. It was very obvious that Michael had told her to not take “no” as an answer. “Yeah. I'll take some mayonnaise.”

Walking out in the living room, I threw myself down on the couch. The television had never been turned off from when Michael left and some news program was playing quietly.

“Oh, don't be such a butt. Not every day you have someone to make you food.”

“What about school?”

“Okay, my sandwiches are incomparable to school food, don't you even go there.” She was giggling at everything. Everything she said had a slight chuckle or you could just tell she was smiling.

We sat around talking about school for about an hour. She helped me understand the lessons that I missed, even though they were nothing big. We talked about the Homecoming dance and how she was on the planning committee and wouldn't actually be attending the dance in formal attire.

“You know, that way it's free for me and I can still chat with friends and junk but I can be comfy as hell in sweat pants off to the side and out of the spot light.”

“That sounds like a really awesome idea, where do I sign up?”

“Well, we are actually looking to get a few more people to help with things like taking tickets and making sure everyone pays and also to pour drinks and make sure no one spikes the punch or something stupid.”

I considered taking tickets at the door. It would be the perfect situation. I wouldn't have to be dressed up fancy and I could stand around until the dance was over and then sneak in a dance with Michael possibly. That's when I remembered that I had said something about dancing at Homecoming with him the night before and immediately got embarrassed.

“Why are your cheeks the color of a firetruck?”

“What?” I hid my face in the hoodie I was still wearing. “No reason. So I'll do that then, yeah? Take tickets?”

“Sure, I can sign you up tomorrow!”

“Great,” I smiled at her and my phone began to ring.

“Hello,” I answered.

“Hey, Gav. We got rained out at practice so I'm already done.”

“Oh, that's top,” I was happy to hear his voice again. He sounded like he was in a much better mood than he had been when I woke him up that morning and on the phone earlier that day.

“Did you want to order pizza and just chill at my house?”

“Absolutely. Just let me grab a shower first and I'll be ready.”

“Is Lindsay still there?”

“Yeah, she force fed me a sandwich and it was icky.”

“Oh please,” Lindsay chimed in loud enough so Michael could hear her. “You only ate like three bites.”

“Gav, why did you only eat three bites?” He chuckled and teased from the other side of the phone.

“Michael!” I whined. “You're not even here, you can't tease me.”

“Mi-cool! Mi-cool!” Lindsay mocked me.

“Mi-cool! Don't tease me!” Michael joined in and I laughed at him making fun of the way I said his name.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: Okay so there were a lot of chapters so I made a directory of all the chapters. There’s a page with all the links to the chapters that I’ll keep updated. I’ll keep this format for future fics too. This chapter is rather short but I like it a lot.  
> most of these author's notes are completely irrelevant because I'm taking them straight off of my fic blog on tumblr but I thought it would be cool to have down what I originally said idk. My next fic posted here will be a lot more consistent and I'll most likely post it here as well as tumblr as it updates.

 When Michael reached my house, I was just getting out of the shower. Lindsay wanted to stay until he got there so she could talk to him about something I wasn't supposed to know. I tried to eavesdrop on their conversation from my room while I got dressed but I couldn't pick up on anything. When Lindsay had finally left, Michael came up to my room to get me. I was fully dressed and ready to go. As soon as I stood from my spot on the bed, he took me in his arms and kept me there for a while. I could smell his body spray that I loved so much.

“How was your day at school?” I asked him after pecking his cheek with a kiss.

“It was pretty dumb. I'm super tired.” He faked a yawn and broke our hug. Taking my hand, he lead me down the stairs towards the door.

“Yeah, sorry about all the sleep talking.” I rubbed the back of my neck, thinking about the real reason he must have been up all night.

“It's fine.” He opened the door and dropped my hand and we walked side by side to his truck that was parked by the curb. “Do you remember anything about last night?”

I debated telling him what I remembered. “Well,” I started hesitantly. We had climbed into his truck and he had just started to drive down the road. “I remember the reason I was drunk. It's not a very kind thing.” I looked to him for a reaction and there wasn't one. “I remember telling you something really cheesy.”

“What that you wanna dance with me? Yeah that's pretty cheesy.” He grinned and looked at me.

“Oh shut up, you sausage.” I hit him on the shoulder. “I joined the Homecoming committee thingy by the way.”

“Oh? Did Lindsay draft you or something?”

“Well, I asked her if I could join once she started talking about it. I'm gonna take tickets at the door.”

“You're not even gonna be at the actual dance? You're just gonna be sitting outside in a fucking chair peeping like some weird voyeur aren't you?”

“I'm not a peeping tom, I just don't really have a purpose to go unless you dance with me.”

“Gav, c'mon, you've got plenty of friends that would love to see you there and have a fun time dancing with you.”

“Michael, other than you, I have Barb and then Ray and his friends and being around his friends is just kind of awkward.”

“It can't be that bad.”

“I don't know.” I paused and looking out the windows at the passing trees and houses. The sky was gray and for the time being it had stopped raining. “I would rather not if I had a choice is the thing.”

“Whatever you want to do. I just don't want you to be upset that you'll miss your Senior Homecoming.”

“Eh,” I shrugged. “It's kind of a made up thing anyway isn't it?”

He let out a hearty laugh. “What do you even mean by that?”

“I mean like,” I smiled at his chuckle and tried to think of the words to say to explain my thought process. “Prom is the real thing right?”

“They are both equally fucking real!”

“No, no! I mean people care more about Prom than they would Homecoming because like... a girl looks back at high school in thirty years and they're talking to their kids and the girl is just like 'Yeah I was homecoming queen.' That wouldn't be nearly as impressive as saying 'Oh I was Prom queen.' Every girl wants to be a Prom queen.”

“Do you want to be a Prom queen?”

“Oh, absolutely.”

“You're an idiot.”

“Yeah, I know.”

We pulled up to Michael's house and he drove his truck into his spot in the garage. His mother was standing at the door to the laundry room.

“Uh-oh, Mikey.” I waved and smiled at his mom. She wasn't waving back. “Looks like you're in trouble.”

“Oh, shit.” He powered down the truck and stepped out. “What's up, mom?”

“Your father and I would like to speak to you, Michael.”

“Yeah, okay.” He turned toward me and I could see the terror in his eyes. “Gav, I'll be down in a bit just make yourself comfy.”

“Alright.” I stepped out of the truck and walked to the basement entrance staircase Michael had shown me the fourth time I was over at his house. He followed his mother inside and I could almost hear his father scream his name when the door had closed.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: whoop whoop pull over that ass is too fat (my author’s notes are A+)

 The bed shifted underneath me and I could feel a weight press against my back. I turned over, confused and was greeted by Michael's brown eyes looking into mine.

“I can't believe you fell asleep with out me.” He faked a smile.

“What did your parents want?”

“Oh nothing, just wanted to know why I left at midnight and skipped half a day of school and didn't tell them where I was the whole time.” His arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me in closer.

“I'm sorry, Michael.” I kissed his chin and closed my eyes again.

“It's fine, Gav,” I heard a genuine chuckle. “I mean, I lost my phone for a week, but that's not that bad. I can still go out and do things.”

“I wasn't sure if it was possible to punish _The_ Michael Jones.”

“Dude, I get punished all the time. I make a lot of really dumb decisions. Helping you was not one of them.”

“Thank you again, Michael. The fact that you were willing to-”

“You're my boyfriend. Shut up.” He rustled a hand through my hair. “I wish I'd gotten more sleep last night though.”

“What exactly was I saying in my sleep?”

He let out a long and heavy sigh. “Just some stuff that I didn't want to hear.”

I was trying to get it out of them that the reason he hadn't gotten any sleep was because of his conversation with Dan and not that I had been sleep talking. “Like, what kind of stuff.”

“You know.” He hesitated and flipped over onto his back, throwing a hand over his eyes. “Stuff,” he signaled into the air as if the answer were right in front of him.

“If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine, but don't lie about it.” I turned away from him to face the far wall.

“What?” The bed shifted behind me.

“I...” _Did I really want to tell him?_ “I read your conversation with Dan.”

The room was silent and I was worried for a moment before I heard Michael utter a quiet “shit.” I felt the bed move again and then his weight was gone.

“I though if I blocked him, the messages would go away.” He came into my sight. He wasn't looking at me and was standing towards the open doorway with his hands behind his head. “I'm sorry Gav.”

“Why are you sorry? You defended me and stuck up for me and said some pretty amazing things,” I felt my cheeks grow warm as they so often did. “If anything I should be saying sorry for being such an idiot for going back to him like I did when we broke up and I should apologize that you had to learn it through him instead of me.”

“You still don't remember what happened last night, do you?” His body turned to me. His bottom lip was quivering. “You don't remember that you went back to him last night do you?”

My heart sank when I looked him in the eyes. I was speechless when I saw his face and how broken he looked. There was a long pause before he spoke again.

“I'm sorry. I don't want to talk about that.” Walking out to the couch, he plopped down and leaned his head back. I got up from my place on the bed and followed him.

“No, let's talk about this.” I sat down next to him and placed a hand on his leg. “Clearly you're upset and I shouldn't disregard that. Whatever I said hurt and I deserve to know what hurt you so I can fix it.”

He grabbed my hand with one of his own and ran the other one through his hair. “You told Dan you still loved him. That you still wanted him. That you missed him. I said I understood, which I do, but I don't want you to feel that way. I want to fix that. To make you not feel that way.”

And just like that, I hated my entire existence. Michael wanted to be able to make me happy. He thought he wasn't doing a good enough job. I gave him every reason to think that with what he'd told me. I couldn't believe how much of an idiot I was.

“Michael, I'm so sorry.” _Why wasn't anything else coming to mind?_

“I know, Gav. I know you're sorry.” He sat up on the couch and released my hand. Both of his were resting in his lap and he looked at me with a pained look. “But it still fucking hurts, ya know?” His eyes were full of tears.

“I...” The words were escaping me. I looked into his eyes as the tears kept building up. Soon enough they overflowed and two drops ran down his cheeks. “Michael, I...” I tried to start again. My head wasn't working and my throat couldn't form words. I could feel myself start to choke up. “I'm really really stupid Michael.”

“You really aren't. You aren't at all. You're a logical human being with feelings and emotions just like me. I just want to understand your feelings and know what I'm doing wrong.”

“You're not doing anything wrong!” As soon as the sentence left his lips I wanted to shove them back in and pretend like they'd never been said. I couldn't believe that I made him feel that way. “Michael, darling, you're not doing anything wrong.” I wiped away the tears on his cheeks as more poured out. He propped his head up, resting the palms of his hands against his eyes.

“I just want to make you happy. That's all I want and I don't understand why I can't.”

“You make me happy everyday. I go to sleep thinking about you and I smile and I have wonderful dreams about you and I wake up with a smile thinking about you and when I'll get to see you or even talk to you because those are the happiest parts of my day.”

“I know you don't mean-”

“Of course I do! I care about you a lot. You're a big part of my life. You're my boy, Michael. This whole Dan thing is stupid and I'm sorry I'm such a big idiot. I'm sorry that I said those things and I'm sorry for falling into him again. I'm weak and I'm stupid and I don't want to do it again. I don't need to do it again and I won't because I have you, Michael.”

“Gavin, I love you.” He raised his head slowly and looked to me. He was still crying but he started to smile.

“Do you?” I asked, shocked at what had just come out of his mouth.

He stared at me for a while as he bit his lip when I realized I was holding my breath. I let out the air and grinned back at him. “I love you,” He said simply and leaned into me for a kiss knocking me back onto the couch.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Mentions of rape and abuse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: trigger warning for mention of rape and abuse but no detail is given about it it’s pretty much really vague but the warning is still there. Also very short. uhhh sorry this took so long and ummmmmmmm THE NEXT CHAPTER SHOULD BE INTERESTING RITE???

 Our kissing became more intense as my head hit the cushions. I could feel him pressing his body against mine. I could feel the heat coming off of him and his hand slide up my shirt. I became fidgety and stiff like I always did when we would get intimate. Shivers went down my spine as his fingers slid softly across my arching back.

His mouth moved to my neck and bit down on my skin. I winced and let out a soft whimper.

“Relax, Gavin,” He whispered as he continued to suck on my collar bone. “You're always so tense.”

I felt bad for getting that way. It wasn't a purposeful reaction. It was more of something that I learned to do.

“I'm sorry, Michael,” I tried to say but I ended up choking it out, hardly able to say it.

He stopped what he was doing and met my face. “What's wrong? Did I do something wrong?”

“It's just...” I looked away from him, turning my head to the side. “I was thinking about why I tense up so much.”

“Is it something I'm doing?” he brushed his hand through my hair and kissed my cheek.

“The l-last few times Dan and I were... together... h-he wasn't exactly... nice... about it.”

I didn't want to look back at him. I knew he didn't want to hear more about Dan, especially in a situation like that. We were getting intimate and I had again brought up my stupid ex.

“Gav.” His voice was stern and suddenly serious instead of the soft tone he had been using. “Gavin, you look at me right now.”

I slowly turned my head back to him, hovering just inches above my nose. His face was red and he looked angrier than I had ever seen him. “M-Michael?” I managed to let out quietly.

“You listen to me right now. What Dan did to you...” He paused closing his eyes. He looked as if he was trying not to think of it.

Dan was rough in the last couple weeks of our relationship. He forced me into sex. It's not that I didn't want to, it was that I didn't want to with that version of Dan. I wanted to hang on to him with what I could, even if it meant him using me the way he did.

“What Dan did to you... it doesn't matter anymore. I will never do that to you. Ever. Abuse. Rape. I don't want to know the specifics. I promise it will never happen, Gav. And I will never, _ever_ , cheat on you. I will never be the scum bag that he was. I'll treat you right because you deserve it. And if you don't want to be intimate because of what that ass hat did to you, then I completely understand and accept that.”

“Michael,” I put my hands on either side of his face. “I want to be intimate with you. I just don't know if I can shake this stiffness.” My face was surely bright red.

He wrapped a hand around my left wrist and leaned his head into my palm. “Are you sure that you want to?”

“I'm positive,” My voice was shaky and nervous at the thought.

Michael let out a sigh and got up from the couch, holding a hand out for me to take. “My parents left after they took my phone.”

I took his hand and kept at arms length from him as he led me back into his bedroom.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER IS NSFW

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: I’M SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG BUT YOU GET TWO PARTS also nsfw

 He fell onto the bed, tugging my hand so I landed on top of him. Immediately pulling me into a kiss, I felt his hands slide down my sides then my back, stopping to to grab onto my ass. He was pressing his body into mine. My hands slid up so they were entangled in his hair as we kissed passionately and hard.

I was shaking. Each fidgety movement felt like there was a delay, like my brain was trying to relay a message but the rest of me wasn't receiving it until three seconds later in the form of choppy movements. My nerves were getting to me more than I had expected them to.

Michael smoothed his hands over the curve of my back and stopped there, holding me gently. He pulled out of the kiss and I had to force myself to open my eyes. He was staring up at me through his glasses.

My cheeks grew hot. “What?” I asked.

“ _Wot?_ ” he mocked my accent and flipped us both over so I was laying on the bed looking up at him. I dropped my hands from his hair and he took hold of my wrists. “You're just fucking cute.”

He began kissing my neck, trailing his tongue down until it reached my shirt. He stopped to look up at me then released my wrists, using his hands to pull the bottom of my shirt up until it was over my head. I grabbed his hips as he let his fingers trail down my bare chest and my stomach. My pants were the next obstacle.

As he started to undo the buttons, I sat up and tugged his shirt off as well, kissing his chest as far up as I could reach. I almost reached his collar bone when he forced me down on the bed again. He sat back and pulled down my pants just enough to plant small kisses on my waist line which made me squirm.

My head was swimming. Thoughts kept coming. Thoughts of what I wanted Michael to do to me. I couldn't focus on any one thought. I couldn't focus on the room around me, but I could focus on Michael. I could look down and see his face, clear as day. I saw his hands working my pants down my legs and tugging at my boxers. The next thing I knew I was completely nude and exposed, minus the socks I still had on my feet.

Michael stood at the end of the bed looking down at me, pulling off my socks and tossing them off to the side, then slipped out of his own. He unbuckled his belt and slid his pants and boxers off at the same time and also discarded them to the floor. I looked at his face and slowly let my eyes fall down his body. He was fit compared to me but still pretty small. Of course, not as scrawny as I was. I looked down at my naked body and got embarrassed by how I must have looked. I was nothing to stare at. Just an average boy that sat around and played video games, only remembering to eat when someone reminded him. I didn't realize that I was covering myself until Michael was crawling back over me, moving my hands as he went. He kissed my stomach and my chest where they had been laying.

“Don't do that, Gav.” He stopped at my neck and began sucking and biting again. I tilted my head back and let him do his work.

“Michael,” I moaned when he bit down particularly hard. I felt panic rise in my chest and I found myself pushing him away from me. My breathing picked up and I couldn't get myself to calm down. My head was swimming and I started to get dizzy.

“Gavin?” He asked me as he backed away from me. I must have shoved him a bit hard because he had an offended look on his face but it was also riddled with concern.

I put my hands over my eyes and tried to think of a way to calm myself down. I could feel Michael place his hands on my sides and all I could think of was Dan's face smiling menacingly down at me as I squirmed away. And that's what I was doing to Michael. I was squirming out of his grasp, trying to get away from his touch, even though I knew it would be comforting as opposed to the way Dan had touched me.

“M-Michael,” I managed to let out between ragged breaths. I felt sweat start to bead on my forehead. “P-please just... don't for one second.”

He dropped his hands from my sides and I tried once again to catch my breath. My heart was racing. My head was pounding. I removed my hands from my eyes and the room was spinning.

“Gavin, what did I do?” He sounded worried as if he'd hurt me.

“I'm... h-having a p... panic attack I-I think.” I knew that's what it was. The overwhelming anxiety and tenseness in my chest felt like I'd been hit with a wrecking ball. All I could think about was sitting in a corner and crying and waiting for it to be over.

“What should I do?” I looked up at him. His expression was that of concern.

“Just,” I inhaled sharply. “Give me a minute.” I looked around the room trying to focus my eyes on something solid – something that I could hold on to and look at. I often did that when I had a panic attack although it had been months since the last one had surfaced. Looking at a random object and telling myself that it was real and solid and in the same room as me helped me cling to the world spinning around me. When I looked around, however, I couldn't find anything. My brain rejected every single thing that I looked at. _The lamp on Michael's nightstand? Michael's trophies on his dresser? The sheets on Michael's bed?_ I couldn't get y head around the objects. Until I looked at Michael.

His hair was still that strange auburn color, sitting in curls on his head. He was still wearing his glasses and his brown eyes were still behind them. His freckles were still littered across his face and his dimples were still present even with the straight mouth he was sporting. He was real. He was solid. He was in the room with me. And he was there for me.

My breathing started to steady and Michael rested a hand on my stomach, being careful with his touch. I propped myself up on my elbows and kept my eyes fixated on Michael's.

“Are you oka-” I cut him off by forcing a kiss over his words. He was surprised at first, then gave in, a hand making it's way to the back of my neck. He lowered me back down onto the bed and we picked up almost exactly where we left off.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER IS NSFW

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: THIS ONE IS EVEN MORE NSFW

One of his hands slid down my side until it reached the base of my penis. He wrapped his hand around my erection and moved up and down all while still sucking on my collar bone. I gasped when he made contact with my shaft and wrapped my arms around his neck. I could feel his mouth form a smile against my skin.

We separated and I struggled to keep my breathing under control. Michael reached for his nightstand and I decided that I would return the favor. I took his dick in the palm of my hand and slowly rubbed. I looked to his face as I did so and I could see him physically shudder. His arm was shaking as he closed the drawer and returned to his position over me, pulling out of my grasp. He set both items on my stomach and moved himself so he was in between my legs. I looked down and recognized the items as a condom and lube.

He took the condom in hand and opened it. I switched my gaze from his hands to his face as he slipped the condom over himself. His face had grown red.

“I hope that you're okay with bottom...” He asked it quietly, but sounded as if he wanted to assert himself.

“I don't top, Michael.” I giggled and motioned for him to come closer to him so I could kiss him. He did and I could feel him grind into me. The bottle of lube fell off my stomach and Michael grabbed it from the sheets and popped open the top.

“Good.” He leaned back squirted some into the palm of his hand then covered himself and right around my entrance, slipping a finger slowly inside. I flinched at first, not used to the feeling and just as I adjusted to it, he teased at putting another finger in. I grabbed onto the sheets under me, trying to anticipate the feeling as he slipped it in. He must have noticed that I had braced myself because he removed his fingers and bent down to kiss me. “Are you still okay with this?” He whispered it in my ear.

“I am,” I returned a kiss on his cheek and placed a hand against it. “It's just been a while.”

“Well I'll take it really easy then.” He lifted me up by placing his hands on my hips and a pillow was set to raise me up a bit.

He began to push himself inside of me and I felt a pain that was familiar but forgotten over time. I went flaccid in response but he continued to insert himself further and further inside. I closed my eyes tightly and hoped that the pain would be over soon. I felt him readjust himself and then lips were being pressed to my chin and only one hand was pressed into my hip.

“Are you okay?” He asked me sweetly, moving his mouth up to meet mine. He gave a slow buck with his hips and the pain had faded a bit.

I responded by kissing him hard and grabbing a hold of his shoulders. He moved his hips again and again slowly picking up his pace, careful not to cause me any pain. I could feel the pleasure climbing up my spine in notches with each one of his movements. His free hand had wrapped itself around my penis and the movement up and down mimed his thrusts. My arms wrapped around his neck and our foreheads touched and our kissing stopped. His breaths were being let out in long drags and were mixed with whispers of “fuck” and “god dammit, Gavin.” I moaned loudly when he picked up his pace and his hand mimicked it. I was growing closer and closer to climaxing and I wanted it so badly.

He took his face away from mine and buried it in my neck. His movements became more demanding and rapid.

“Michael,” I spat out in a moan. “Michael, I'm,” and before I could even finish my sentence, my cum was covering my stomach and his.

“Oh god, Gav.” He removed his hand and sat up a bit, grabbing onto my sides. I held on to his wrists letting out small gasps and moans. The sweat was dripping down his nose and I couldn't help myself but think that he was hot when he was sweating. His thrusting slowed and his breathing became choppy and convulsive, his breaths spastic. He pulled out and collapsed onto me, still bucking his hips. His arms wrapped around my arching back and he groaned against my chest.

We stayed there for a few minutes, both of us trying to steady our breathing. I wrapped an arm around Michael's back and used my free hand to smooth over his hair.

“That was,” He finally spoke. “Awesome.”

I chuckled at his choice of words. “Pretty top.”

After we'd cleaned ourselves and redressed, we ordered pizza and waited for it to arrive. We spent the rest of the evening cuddled up on his couch watching the television. He had an arm around me and my head was tilted to his shoulder. Michael had put on a comedy show after we finished eating and I drifted off to sleep in his arms.

When I woke up, I was laying in my bed in nothing but my boxers. My alarm clock was ringing and the time read 6 am. _Michael most likely had driven me home, unable to wake me._ It was time to get ready for school. My house was empty and I was alone.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: HEY REMEMBER THAT ONE ANON THAT ASKED FOR A CERTAIN PAIRING AND THEN ANOTHER PERSON ASKED IF THERE WAS GONNA BE ANY OTHER PAIRINGS? well here u go -u-

 After I took my morning shower, I sat down at my desk and set up to record another video. It had been quite a while since I had thought of making one, and I hadn't checked the page in just as long. When I loaded up my YouTube channel, I was greeted by an onslaught of comments. Most of them were new fans commenting back to LtMkilla.

Several people had even commented about LtMkilla and I being together and it kind of made me uneasy.

“Hello, there,” I said into the camera. “I'm sorry it's been so long since I've put up anything new, I've been kind of sidetracked by a certain someone.” The thought of Michael made me smile. “So, I want to talk about that someone before I go to school. He's pretty much the greatest thing that's happened to me in a long time. Last night he told me he loved me and we fooled around... a bit... and I thought about it in the shower and I think I might actually love him back? I can't be positive though. I haven't felt that emotion towards anyone other than my mum in a long time, and even that is different. I think I'll talk to him about it this weekend or something at his party.” I thought of other things to talk about so I wasn't rambling about Michael. “I didn't go to school yesterday either. Bad night before for me. I'll be going today even though I have no desire other than to see M-” I stopped myself, careful not to say his name. I had always been cautious not to name Michael on my videos in case someone he knew was watching. “My boyfriend. I think I can manage it. Oh and one more thing, LtMkilla, where did all these fan girls come from? I've been gone for maybe a week what have you done?” I smiled and ended the footage, setting it to upload.

I turned to look around my room for a coat. I figured that it would be a cold walk. Instead of finding a jacket, I was met with Michael's hoodie that he had left me with. I figured that would suffice. Throwing it over my head and slinging my back pack on my shoulders, I walked downstairs and out the door. I looked at the time on my phone. I was running more or less on time, meaning I could still meet Ray along the way.

When I approached the corner where we would usually meet, I saw him seated on the bench waiting for me.

“You know, I took a risk waiting for you again today and I'm glad I did.” He smiled and stood up, joining me on the side walk.

“Oh god, Ray, I'm so sorry. I forgot to message you yesterday that I wasn't going to school.”

“Nah, it's cool. Chris ended up passing me and gave me a ride so I was only like five minutes late.”

I looked at his back pack, something red catching my eye. There was a rose in the side pouch, the bud just sticking out of the top.

“What's going on with that?” I pointed to the flower.

“Hmm?” He turned and looked over his shoulder. “Oh, that. Well, uh...” He trailed off, cheeks growing red. “That is, um, most definitely a thing.”

I chuckled. “Are you giving that to a girl?” I tried my best to tease him. “What was the name of the girl you made out with?”

“No, no way. Her and I did not work out at all.” His expression showed that he was disgusted.

“What?” I asked, pushing him in the arm. “Did she ask to peg you or something?”

“Well,” He shrugged and said nothing else and I didn't say anything for a while.

When I went to break the silence, we were out front of the school. I asked him about the rose again.

He let out a sigh. “Some times things are better left unsaid. You'll see I'm sure.”

I let him break off to his locker and I went to mine, gathering my things for my first few classes.

“Hey,” I heard a voice from behind me. It was a familiar voice and I smiled as I turned to meet his gaze.

“Hi, Michael.”

“How was your sleep last night? I didn't expect you to be out like that.”

“It was alright. I didn't expect to wake up in my bed and it kind of made me feel like everything was just a dream for a while.” We stood in front of my open locker and I looked to the sides to see if there was anybody close. I lowered my voice. “I much rather would have went to bed with you.”

He smiled and his dimples pronounced themselves. I noticed that he wasn't wearing his glasses today. “I know, I know. I'd have liked that too.”

“Michael Jones!” I heard someone shout down the hall. I looked to my left to see Lindsay, walking in a very fast pace. Michael's head shot up as his name was called again. “Michael freaking Jones, if you don't come with me right now we are both going to be late to homeroom now scoot your butt mister.” She passed by and locked her arm in his.

I couldn't help but giggle as Michael struggled to keep up, ending up being pulled along.

“I'll see you in first period!” He called back to me.

I waved and made my way to my homeroom with Mr. Heyman. He was not in the room when I got there so I took my seat and the bell rang soon after. About five minutes into the morning announcements, he walked into the room holding a large water bottle and his morning coffee. In the water bottle was a rose, just barely peaking out of the opening.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: student/teacher relations are bad and I don’t promote them in anyway but god dammit someone wanted joelay and I realized I wanted it too so I MADE IT WORK

 The next time that I saw Ray was in our Spanish class before lunch. He avoided my gaze the entire class and refused to acknowledge that I was trying to get his attention. When the bell rang, he stood up quickly and bolted out the door. I just barely caught up with him before we got in line.

“Ray,” I said his name and grabbed his arm.

“I know you saw it, Gavin.” He responded without turning to face me. “Can we, like, talk about this when we're not in a crowd of people please?”

I looked around and we were in the lunch room during the biggest lunch period. Scanning the area, I looked for a place to sit that was out of ear shot of everyone else. Suddenly I got an idea.

“Did you want to eat outside?” I suggested. The lawn tables were usually vacant.

“Whatever,” he brushed me off in an irritated tone then walked in that direction. “I'll meet you there, I'm not eating.”

“What was that about?” A voice chimed from behind me. I turned to see Michael out of the corner of my eye cut in line.

“You shouldn't budge in line!”

“Hush, I'll do what I want,” He gave me a cheeky grin and a wink.

“That doesn't work on me, Michael Jones.” I turned back to face forward in line. Finally making it to the tray stack, I took one and began to select what to eat.

“Yeah I've noticed.” He grabbed a tray and followed, shoving an elbow in my direction to tease me. “You and Ray okay though?”

“I think so.” I thought about what I'd seen and tried to process it all in my head. I hadn't done wrong so I thought Ray must have been upset over something that Mr. Heyman did. _Why did he give him a rose?_

“Well, can I sit with you guys today? Lindsay has to study or something in the library.”

“What about your football friends or, like, the cheerleaders?” We didn't typically sit with each other at lunch and I found the question to be quite odd. I usually sat with Ray and his friends and Michael would sit with his and we were fine with that. We'd never made the decision either way, we just let it happen. “I thought you were too cool to sit with us shmegs,” I chuckled and gathered my tray to move to the cashier.

“If you're a shmeg, then I'm a shmeg.”

After both of us had payed for our food, I asked him to give me at least five minutes to talk to Ray. Even though he said he wasn't eating, I bought an extra slice of pizza in case he changed his mind. When I exited the building to the lawn area and Ray saw the pizza on my tray he gave me a crooked smile. Taking my seat, he helped himself to my extra food without having to ask.

“Thanks. I realized I'd made a terrible mistake when I sat down and my stomach caused an earth quake.”

“Not a problem,” I laughed and began eating my own pizza. “But no, really, spill the goop because Michael is going to join us in about five minutes.”

“Shit, alright.” He paused to take a huge bite then began talking with his mouthful, swallowing mid sentence. “Okay, so, I have a huge crush on Mr. Heyman and I'm an idiot... because I thought it would be a good idea to pursue that for some reason.”

“I'll let you finish, but I didn't think you were into guys.”

“Man, I'm into anything.”

“What? Why didn't you tell me?” I was shocked by the new information.

“Because you liked Michael and it would have been awkward to talk about.”

“Why, do you think I'm cute or something, Ray,” I teased.

“Ew, no way. You are not my type what so ever.” He finished eating his pizza in another bite and we both laughed. “Anyway, I stopped him in the hall and asked to talk to him before homeroom and he pulled me into the teachers lounge thinking it was something important probably. Then I gave him the thing and kissed him on the cheek – again because I'm a huge idiot – and then he was kind of shocked and taken aback. So I said it was a mistake and I started to leave-”

“Ray, you can't go after a teacher!” I scolded him quietly, making sure no one was around to hear our conversation.

“No, but, Gav, that's the greatest thing! I can. You want to know why? Because he grabbed me by the arm and pulled me back and he fucking kissed me! Like what the hell is my life right now?” He put his hands over his mouth and seemed just as shocked as I was at the statement. He looked at me after dropping his hands. His face was serious. “Michael is walking out the door. You have to promise not to tell a soul. Not even him. Seriously, this could ruin Joel and me.”

I groaned. “Don't call him that, that's so weird. I promise anyway... just, don't call him that for god's sake.”

“Deal.”

“What are you ladies talking about over here?” Michael walked up and sat down at the table with us. His tray was still full of food.

“We were comparing dicks,” Ray chimed in sarcastically. “Gavin's is weird, how do you even deal with that during sex?”

Michael blushed and looked to me. “You didn't tell him did you?”

Ray smiled and tried to hold in his laughter from across the table. “Well,” He rested his chin on the palm of his hand, propping his elbow on the table. “Now I know you guys touched dongs.”

“Shut up, Ray. My god.” I could feel my face grow hot as I tried not to make eye contact with him or Michael.

“That's where you really were yesterday then? Rubbing pee pees in the morning?”

“I fucking hate my big stupid mouth,” Michael said, taking a spoonful of chicken noodle soup. “Remind me to never open it again.”

“He would have never known, either!” I laughed nervously.

“Oh, come on like you wouldn't have told me.”

“I probably would have...” I peeked at Michael. He looked at me through a scowl but had a smile on his face. “I'm sorry, Michael. Ray knows pretty much everything about me.”

“Whether he wants me too or not,” Ray winked at Michael and pointed a finger.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: : I didn’t realize how long this was until about 3 seconds ago when I go tthe word count but like I said to Coulson, I PUT ON FOR MY CITY ON ON FOR MY CITY

 The rest of the day flew by. I stayed a bit after for a meeting with Lindsay for Homecoming planning but Ray had stayed over so I wouldn't have to walk home alone. Lindsay solidified my spot as the door man taking tickets but asked if I could help starting the next Monday with the decorations. The dance was to be held at the end of the next week and I could tell she was starting to get nervous. It didn't look like many people had volunteered to help out. I agreed to make some of the decorations on the incentive that I could skip a couple periods.

Ray and I walked home together like normal, talking about Mr. Heyman and the details of my night with Michael. When the time came to part ways, we said our good byes and headed in the directions of our own houses.

As soon as I walked in the door, I heard my mother's voice shouting my name from her office off of the living room. I followed the sound until I found her standing, looking out the window.

“Gavin, you're grounded until further notice.” Her voice was stern and I didn't want to argue with her. I remained silent because I figured what it had been about. “That means no hanging out with friends, no football games, no parties, no boyfriend. I'd take away your computer and phone but you technically payed for those.” She turned around to face me. Her expression was blank but she still looked tired. “Do you know why?”

“I have a hunch.” I said it quietly. I never liked disappointing my mother because I could tell that it hurt her when I misbehaved. Most parents would get mad, but my mother would get sad.

“Why did you do it?” She pointed to a shelf where the half empty bottle of Jack Daniels was sitting.

“Because I'm an idiot.” I didn't want to tell her about Dan. I also wanted to stop using him as an excuse.

“You're not an idiot. You just make poor decisions. Do you know how dangerous that could have been? You could have gotten alcohol poisoning and would have had to be hospitalized.”

“I know. I'm really sorry.”

“It's fine. And straight home from school from now on. Why were you late home today?”

“Actually I joined the Homecoming committee. I'm helping with the planning and the meetings are usually after school. Sorry I didn't call and tell you, I didn't think you'd be home.”

“I guess that's my fault then.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “You can go to those meetings but straight home after that alright? Every day until I say otherwise.”

“Understood.” I found out a very long time ago that it was easier to accept the mistakes you make and the punishment you get than it was to argue and make things worse for yourself.

“Oh, and Gavy?” She called out after I had already turned to leave the room. I stopped and turned to look at her and she gave me a halfhearted smile. “I love you.”

“Love you too, mum.” I exited the room and went up the stairs.

I threw my backpack on the bed as soon as I walked into the doorway of my room and took my phone out from my pocket. The time read 3:42 pm. Michael wasn't going to be out of practice until around 4:30 pm but he was supposed to come pick me up once he was done and showered so we could do homework together. Of course, with his phone being taken, I had no way of contacting him to let him know.

I knew one other person that might be able to get the message to him.

“Hello?” The shrill voice picked up the phone.

“Hey, Barbara. Could you do me a favor?”

“What kind of favor Gavin?” She sounded irritated.

“Are you practicing at the stadium or the gym today?” I was hoping that she was even still at practice.

“Neither. I am down at the field though.” Her voice turned to a giggle and I heard a whistle and some shouting in the background.

“Why are you at the field if you're not at practice?”

“Just watching a quality quarter back and his quality ass running quality plays. Oh and there goes the running back. You think they all have 'back' tagged onto their titles because their backsides are fantastic?”

“Might be,” I chuckled. An image of Michael in a football uniform came to mind and I couldn't help but bite my lip. It was followed with a thought of Barbara coming on to Michael and I didn't like that image so much. Michael hadn't wanted to tell Barbara about us being together in fear that she might spread the rumor about him. From what I'd learned, she loved to spread rumors. The only reason that I hadn't had my secret spread by her was because people saw her dancing with me at Michael's party. “Anyway, I was just wondering if you could tell Michael that I don't need a ride anymore.” It was generic. It didn't imply that we were hanging out but it also would get Michael to get in contact with me and not come straight to my house.

“I can pass it along sure. Have you checked out his butt though? For real, it's fantastic.”

“Not my type.”

“What is your type then, Ray?” She laughed at herself. “I can't even imagine Ray and you together.”

“Ray's not really my type either, Barb,” I sat down at my desk and clicked on my book mark to my channel. I had several comments left on the video I uploaded that morning. “I'd love to stay and have a chat but I actually do have to get going. Don't forget about telling Michael.”

“Fine, fine. See you tomorrow.”

I hung up the phone and began reading through the comments.

 

**Lillabelle2483** _: you have fangirls because you're cute!_

**xx_whogirl_xx** _: dnt say tht he's gay_

**i_ship_it69** _: I like him and LtMkilla together_

**xx_whogirl_xx** _: thy r super qts_

**LtMkilla** _: omg what should their ship name be??_

**i_ship_it69** _: OMG HE'S HERE_

**xx_whogirl_xx** _: hve u 2 talked outside of videos???_

**emmy619XD** _: do you guys know each other irl? Do you guys live close? You should meet and make a video!!!!_

**LtMkilla** _: We're closer than you'd think_

 

I read the comments and rolled my eyes. I typed out a response and read back over it before sending

 

**BritInDaUSA** _: I leave for like, 8 hours, and this is what happens... smh @LtMkilla_

 

I started up the camera and began recording another video once I heard my mother's car door shut and the engine start up.

“Hello, it's me again. You know, just the dumb British kid with the big nose and stupid hair. The kid who screwed up and upset his mum and drank half a bottle of Jack the other night and made his boyfriend come comfort him. We're both grounded by the way, although he doesn't know that I am yet. That should be an interesting conversation. I also can't go to his party this weekend apparently. Which sucks. Maybe I'll do some kind of live show on Friday. Like a stream or something or maybe a tiny chat. Get a whole bunch of you guys on camera together and we could just talk about things. Maybe LtMkilla could show up and show the world his face. I don't know what he's talking about when he says 'closer than you'd think,' and, to me, that's vaguely terrifying and makes me want to triple lock my doors at all times. Apparently some people ship us though. So that makes me feel a little better. Maybe I'll get more stalkers and you can have a fight to the death or-” I was cut off. “My phone is ringing. Let's see... don't know the number. Let's put them on speaker.”

“Hello?” I answered the phone. I pulled my knees up to my chin and twirled back and forth in my desk chair.

“Hey, why'd you have Barb tell me that?”

“Oh, hello, darling. Well, I'm grounded.”

“You've got to be kidding me. How?”

“My mum found the bottle half empty. I'm recording a video right now by the way.”

“Well piss, why are you doing that? Am I on speaker?”

“Wouldn't have it any other way,” I snickered.

“You're such a dick.” I could hear a hint of a chuckle in his voice. “So can I not see you now?”

“Oh, sure I tell you I'm recording and _now_ you're sweet to me.”

“I'll be sweet to you whenever you need it.”

My face grew bright red and I pulled the hoodie I was wearing – Michael's hoodie – up to cover my mouth. “I can't believe you just said that.”

“What else is a boyfriend for. Can you, like, not record right now? I want to talk to you talk to you.”

“Who's phone are you on?”

“I'm using Google voice on my computer. I got home like ten minutes ago.”

“You smeg, why didn't you just call me on skype?”

“You aren't logged in!”

“Okay, okay. I'll log in just give me like, three minutes?”

“Hurry up! Jesus...” He trailed off with a sigh and the line cut off.

I looked to the camera and smiled then gave a shrug. “You all just met my boyfriend in a way. Maybe now you'll stop shipping LtMkilla and me.”

I set the video to upload and logged into skype.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: I don’t know || I was very very emotional when I wrote this chapter and the next. Mostly because I put so much of myself into my version of Gavin. I think there's something in the next note about it maybe and there used to be a note at the end of the next chapter about what I was going through when I wrote this but I deleted it a while ago. At least I think these are the chapters. They could be different ones and I'm just confused. We'll see as we go on.

 Michael ended up being grounded for far less time than I was, which I expected. He had his phone back in his possession by the next day. My mother's punishments usually lasted for at least three weeks. I tried not to get into much trouble just because I knew of her tendencies. Apparently it was different for Michael.

That Wednesday during morning announcements was when we were forced to vote for candidates for Homecoming king and queen. A student council representative went to each classroom with ballots and all of the names of the senior class were listed. The students job was to check off five males and five females from the list to run for the crowns. I looked around to check what others were putting down. Most that I could see were football players and cheerleaders with some volleyball players. Almost everyone's ballot in my immediate vicinity had Michael's name checked off. I didn't know how I felt about everyone lusting after Michael and following him like some kind of god. I wasn't sure if I liked the attention that he drew in. The worst part was that I couldn't decide if my feelings were of jealousy or self consciousness.

Mr. Heyman was asleep at his desk. He didn't even try to hide the fact that he was. His head was tilted back so it was resting on the top of his chair and his mouth was partially open. He was snoring quietly, but the students ignored him it seemed.

When the bell rang, his eyes shot open and he sat up with a jolt. He looked directly at me through the crowd of people leaving.

“I need to talk to you, Free.” He pointed at me and got up to close the door once everyone had left. Once it was shut, he locked it and sat down in what would have been Michael's seat, directly in front of me.

“Ray said he talked to you about yesterday.” He put his elbows on my desk and crossed his arms.

I felt like my heart stopped beating. I didn't want to talk about the subject especially with the teacher in question.

“Free, I'm not gonna get into this right now, but I just want you to know that if you ever tell a soul and I hear about it, I will not hesitate to make you're life a living hell.” His leg was shaking. I looked at his face and I could see fear in his eyes. “What I did, I shouldn't have. I shouldn't be thinking the way I am but the thought has been planted and it hasn't left so please, don't fuck this up.”

I sighed. “I won't. Ray is my friend and I'd never do that.”

“I trust you.” He put a hand on my shoulder and got up and went towards the door to let the flock of students in just as the bell rang. “You're all late.” The students groaned in response to his sarcasm.

Michael took his place in front of me. “What was that about?” he whispered in my direction.

“He really likes to mess with us, I guess.” I couldn't even think of telling Michael. It's not that I didn't trust him with the secret, but that Ray had trusted me with the secret. And so did Mr. Heyman, apparently.

The school day was a blur. I felt like I was completely detached from everything that was happening around me. I hardly said anything to Michael or Ray and it wasn't until I met with Lindsay for the dance planning that anyone had asked me what was wrong.

“You just seem off today. You sure you're feeling okay?” Lindsay asked with a concern in her voice.

“Yeah,” I answered simply. “I should be fine I think.”

“Do you want to talk about it or...”

I exhaled. “I really don't know what's wrong honestly. I've just been in a funk ever since the morning announcements.”

“It couldn't have something to do with king and queen nominations, could it? I'm pretty sure the entire student body knows that It's going to be Michael and Barb.”

“Well I was trying to avoid the fact that Michael would be the king. I was oblivious to the fact that it would be Barbara as queen.”

“Oh come on, she's got everyone around her finger the same that Michael does. She's a shoe in, and if she doesn't get it, the kids here will go fucking crazy.”

“I wonder what they would actually do. I really don't like the thought of Michael as king though.”

“Is it like a 'I don't want Michael to be king because everyone will want him' or 'I don't want Michael to be king because he'll be away from me at the dance?'”

“I mean, he'll be away from me regardless. I'm taking tickets, remember?” I lowered my head to rest in my folded arms that were laying across the table. “I don't want Michael to be king because... I guess... I don't want people flocking to him and then he realizes that there's someone better than me. There are so many people in this stupid school and half of them are in love with Michael and dances are opportunities to share your feelings especially if the one you're confessing to is the king of the bloody thing. It's a romantic chance, and I hate that he could just leave me.”

“But why would he leave you? You're not making much sense here, Gav.”

“Who wouldn't leave me? If a better choice were available, I'd leave me.”

“Okay, for one, you're really dumb. Two, Michael is actually in love with you and there's no way that he'd leave you for someone else and if you don't believe me, you could ask him for yourself. Quit getting so down on yourself and realize that you're really great.”

“Thanks Linds.” I didn't believe her, but I didn't feel like talking about it with her anymore. It just made me feel worse.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: I can’t think of a single thing I want to put here besides a long sentence about how I don’t know what to put here like I’m not even interested putting something funny like normal here I just literally don’t care at all about what goes in the fucking comment space. || I don't think it was this set of chapters but after reading that note, I still apologize. I get iffy sometimes.

  My phone rang just as I was about to get in the shower. I looked at the screen and saw a picture of Michael.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Is your mom home?” He asked in a mischievous tone.

“She left before I got home from school, why?” I was already undressed and I had my hand on the facet about to turn on the water. I was actually a little irritated that he had called at that moment. It was 7:20 pm and he hadn't made any attempt to contact me prior to that moment. I'm sure he had been at football practice and might have been doing something with his family or friends, but it still irritated me, especially after my confession to Lindsay.

“Is she gonna be home any time soon?” I could hear wind hit his phone and it repeated itself in a strange sound through my speakers.

“She won't be home til the morning, most likely.”

“Is there any chance that she'll be home before then?”

“She won't be home before midnight, but after that, I can't guarantee anything.”

“What are you doing right now?”

“Michael, if you want to come over just come over. Quit jumping around the question.”

“I am coming over. I parked my car a few blocks down because I was afraid your mom would see it.”

I rolled my eyes. “Okay. Well, I'm going to continue getting in the shower. Like I was before you called.” I took the phone away from my ear and hung up before he could say anything else.

I was still in an awful mood. I felt like I was covered in a sadness that I couldn't shake and it was making me bitter. I wanted to see Michael but I also wanted to spend my night alone and sit around. I needed to shake the mood I was in and being with someone wasn't going to help.

After I dried myself, I wrapped my towel around my lower half and walked into my room in search of clothes, only to find Michael laying on my bed, staring up at my ceiling.

He looked my way as I entered the door frame and jumped at the sight of him.

“When did you-”

“Like ten minutes ago.” He smiled at me and sat up on the edge of my bed, his hands in the pockets of his letterman jacket. “I just let myself in, hope you don't mind.”

“It's not that I mind, I just didn't expect you to be waiting in my room.” I walked over to the closet on the far side and started to look for a shirt.

“Where else would I wait?” He got up and walked up behind me then wrapped his arms around my waist. His chin rested on my shoulder. I would have normally smiled, but I couldn't bring myself to force it on my face. I continued to sift through the shirts on hangars, ignoring him. “Baby, are you okay?” He asked with a sweet tone.

I sighed and realized I was being a bit too harsh. I leaned my head against his as I pulled out a plain black shirt that was one size too big for me. “I'm just in a terrible mood. I'm sorry.”

“It's fine,” he planted a soft kiss on my neck. “Anything I could do to improve it?”

Slipping my shirt on was a task while he still was resting his head on me, but I managed to slip it past him. “I'd like an actual kiss. That might help.”

He turned me around and put both hands on my face then touched his lips to mine for an extended period of time. “You know,” he finally pulled away. “It's not a kiss if you don't kiss back.” A smile spread across his face as if to tease me. I gave him what I believed to be a smile, but I could tell by the look on his face after that it didn't convince him. He dropped his hands from my face and I walked to my dresser to find a pair of underwear.

“I'm sorry your boyfriend is shitty.” I didn't realize I was saying it until I heard Michael groan in response.

“Are you kidding me?” He sounded angry and his voice was slightly raised. “Why the hell do you think that? Is that why you're upset? Because you think you're a shitty boyfriend?”

I put my underwear on with out removing my towel until they were fully pulled up. I refused to look at Michael. “I _am_ a shitty boyfriend, Michael.” I looked up at the ceiling, wishing I would have shut my mouth.

“Why do you think you're a shitty boyfriend?” the springs in my bed creaked. “Give me one fucking reason.”

“Well,” I thought about it then turned around, finding him sitting on the edge of my mattress. “For starters, I've treated you like ass today and thought about you cheating on me.”

“Why in the hell would I cheat on you?” He looked offended. “Why are you thinking about that?”

“Because! You could literally walk in the school and flop out your knob and at least forty people would come running to suck it. You could have anyone you want. Anyone in the whole damn building and they'd all say yes and I can't seem to understand why you're with me.”

“I don't think you understand that I know that!” His voice was nearly a shout. “Yeah, I'm a cocky mother fucker but god dammit, Gavin, I know my fucking status and I used to take advantage of it. But you know when I stopped? When I found someone that I actually fucking wanted. And that someone is you.”

The room was silent. I didn't know what to say to him.

“Gavin,” His voice was softer as he stood up and crossed the room to me. He took me in his arms. “I feel like I have to reassure you every time we're together. I don't mind it. If that's what I have to do then that's what I have to do, but please...” I was crying into his shirt and he stopped to rest a hand to the back of my head, gently patting my hair that was still wet from the shower. “You have to believe me that I want to be with you.”

“I'm sorry,” was all I could manage. I felt like an idiot.

“Say that you believe me. Say you believe that I want to be with you.”

“I-I,” I sniffed and turned so I was hiding my face in his neck. I couldn't lift my arms to wrap around him so I kept them at my sides. “I believe that you want to be with me.”

“There,” he kissed my forehead. “Now, can we go cuddle on the couch and watch a movie until you fall asleep and I have to carry your ass up the stairs?”

I chuckled through my tears that were slowing. “Yeah.” I managed to break out of Michael's hug and wiped my eyes. “Yeah, I'd like that.”


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: I’m not sure if I liked the way this chapter started but I like the way it ended and it’s perfect for leading into the next chapter

 The next day, I went to school with a changed disposition. Michael had stayed far past midnight and my mother didn't show up before he left. We spent most of the night watching a movie that I nearly fell asleep during, just as Michael had predicted. He took me up to my bed room and was going to tuck me in when things got a little more intimate. He ended up leaving at around two in the morning.

In homeroom, I walked in smiling. Mr. Heyman gave me a look that suggested he thought I was insane.

“What the hell are you all giddy about?” He asked me in a lowered tone. I didn't like that he was suddenly friendly with me instead of acting like a teacher, but I did hold one of his secrets.

“What?” I asked. “I can't be happy?”

“Not this early in the morning.” He smirked and I took my seat.

Even Michael was weirded out by my improved mood.

“What's that shit eating grin for?”

I looked around and made sure my reply was out of ear shot of the calculus students around us. “Mostly for you, but also for last night.”

His cheeks turned red. “Shut up, you idiot.” There was a smile on his face when he said it.

The rest of the day I was in a giddy haze. My mood from the previous day had completely evaporated. Michael would look at me from across the lunch room and catch me smiling at him and would shake his head and roll his eyes with a crooked smile. Ray seemed to share my mood and we talked about everything and nothing all at once during art. Barbara watched us and occasionally joined in, inserting her gossip.

Michael accompanied me to my meeting with Lindsay for Homecoming planning. She still only had me in the group and we didn't do much planning at all, but Michael wanted to spend time with me since I most likely wouldn't be able to once I went home. We sat in the back of the library where there was a round table set up. The area was mostly concealed by bookshelves and not visible from the doorway. The attendant had gone to the teachers lounge and said she would be back in about twenty minutes. Since we were alone with Lindsay and she obviously knew about us, Michael and I didn't hesitate to talk like we wished we could.

I sat on his lap in one of the lounge chairs and Lindsay sat opposite me, a large piece of paper in between us on the table. She had drawn a rough sketch of the gymnasium where the dance would be taking place.

“So I think we're going to put the punch in this corner,” She pointed to the area that would have been the back left corner of the gym. “Then the photographer has more room to set up his shit over in this corner.” Her finger moved to the back right corner.

“You think that will give enough room for lines?”

“I don't think the lines will be too long so probably.” She stuck a pencil behind her ear.

“Right, right.” I felt Michael press his face into my back and sigh. “Are you bored, Michael?” I asked with a giggle.

“I am, but I don't want you to go home because then I'll be even more bored,” he replied and wrapped his arms around my midsection.

“Aw,” Lindsay gave a fake pout. “Poor little Micool.”

“Micool,” Michael followed in a high pitched voice.

“You two are the worst.”

When I went to leave, I kissed Michael goodbye while Lindsay turned her head, swearing not to peak. I walked home by myself. I had told Ray earlier that I was going to be staying over at least and hour and he didn't have to wait and he happily obliged. My mother was waiting for me when I walked in the door.

“Gavin, sweety, I want to talk to you for a second.” She sounded like she was in a good mood with a slight sadness.

I followed her voice into the kitchen where she had her purse under her arm and car keys in her hand. She was about to head off to work. “What about?”

“Well,” She folded her arms over her chest. “I feel like since we moved here, I haven't really had time to spend with you. I feel really guilty about it.”

“You don't have to feel guilty,” I put on a smile. As much as I liked being alone in the house and having time to myself, I was starting to miss my mother. “I'm fine and I know you're busy with work.”

“I know, dear, and I wish I wasn't always so busy. Which is why I used a vacation day for tomorrow evening. Did you want to go out to dinner with me? We could just chat over steak or burgers or something.”

I thought about how I would be missing the away game and Michael's party anyway since I was still technically grounded. “We should definitely go for dinner,” I replied with a grin.

She smiled back at me not just with her mouth but with her eyes as well. “Good. I'll be home at around eight tomorrow evening and I should be ready to go right after work. I'll pick you up and then you pick where we go. Okay?”

“Sounds wonderful.”

“Alright, Gavy. I have to go to work but I love you and I'll see you tomorrow.”

“Love you too, mum.”

She left and I climbed the stairs to my room. I sat down at my computer and read the comments on my last video.

 **LtMkilla** : _you're so cute when you're clueless_

**i_ship_it69** _: borderline stalker status_

**emmy219XD** _: how mad are you that he has a boyfriend_

**LtMkilla** _: I could never be mad_

I laughed out loud. _Who is this guy?_ Pressing the record button, I began talking

“Hey, everyone. Sorry I didn't have a video up yesterday! I'm trying to get better at posting them but I was in such a pissy mood yesterday. I'm much better now, after spending some time with my boyfriend. My mum doesn't know about that secret so that's just between us. I hope I get ungrounded soon, even though it's highly unlikely. I don't like spending time in my room alone now that I have someone to spend my time with.” I spun fully around in my chair before continuing. “I think I'm going to tell him that I love him if I get a chance to this weekend. I don't want to do it before his game tomorrow because it might throw him off or something. If my punishment is lifted, I'm going to tell him. I feel bad making him wait this long even to hear it be repeated. I just wanted to make sure I felt the same before I did tell him. I'm sure of it now, too, and it feels amazing. It's been so long since I've even considered saying it to someone. What's the lyric from that song by 'The Story So Far?' Never again will I let someone in... I think. I felt that way for about a year, and it's surprising that I'm able to let someone in. At least it's surprising me. I just want my current feelings to last forever. I haven't felt this good about myself in...” I trailed off trying to think of a time. Nothing was coming to mind. “Well, a really, really long time. Let's just leave it at that.”


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: This chapter is nice. I like this chapter. Also Han Solo

 I checked the comments on my video before I went to school the next day. There weren't very many, just the ones that usually responded to my videos with the usual fangirling over my hair or something stupid. Then I saw LtMkilla's comment.

I read it out loud, “You should tell him so he's pumped 4 his game.”

I thought about doing just that and let it roll around in my head for a while. After gathering my things, I walked out the door and headed to school.

As always, I met Ray at the corner where our paths crossed and we walked the rest of the way together. He went on and on about Mr. Heyman and how they were playing Xbox together the previous night. I still thought their relationship was a little weird. They weren't dating but They were romantically interested in each other. I wanted to disapprove, but Ray seemed to be a lot happier than he had been before.

Homeroom came and went, and so did calculus and government and literature and the rest of my classes. It all went by very quickly, which was surprising because Fridays normally dragged on far too long. Michael seemed to be in a really good mood. I kept catching him looking at me throughout the day with a far off look in his eyes and a smirk on his lips. His dimples were especially pronounced. I loved the way that the freckles on his face looked when he wasn't wearing his glasses, which he tended to do the day of a game. He walked around school most of the day in his away jersey as did the other members of the football team. The cheerleaders had their hair all pulled up in tight pony tails and wore similar shirts and shorts. They looked like clones and it was a little unsettling, but it gave the sense that they were part of the football team.

We spent our free period in the art room during Lindsay's Art class. She was in a more advanced class than we were, but Mrs. Ramsey let us stay and chat since it was Friday. We usually spent our free period together in the library.

The final bell rang and Michael and I left the art room together, falling behind the other students that seemed to be rushing through the halls, eager to leave. We walked at a leisurely pace towards my locker where I placed all my things. I didn't have homework for the weekend and I hated carrying around the extra things that I didn't need. I usually left my back pack at school when I didn't have to take anything home. The next stop was at Michael's locker, where he grabbed his letterman and his government folder. He claimed he had homework that he hadn't finished in class. I took a different government class than he did. It seemed like it was the only homework he ever had.

We made our ways out the door and to his truck. He offered to take me home so I didn't have to walk alone. Ray had gotten a ride from a certain teacher and I didn't want to think about the situation. I happily got into the passenger seat and we drove towards my house. When he dropped me off, he gave me a kiss and held me there for a little longer than normal which was really nice. I was about to tell him – to let out that I loved him – but just as I opened my mouth to say the words, I tripped over my tongue and no words would come out. I kissed him again, a little harder.

When I pulled away, I looked into his deep brown eyes and smiled. “Good luck tonight, Michael. Hopefully I'll be ungrounded tomorrow because I'd really like to spend the day with you.”

He let out a sigh. “I really would too. I miss spending full days with my boy.”

A giggle escaped from my mouth. I opened the door to his truck and was about to step out when he offered me his letterman.

“Here,” He said, handing me the jacket. “Wear it tonight and think of me. Knowing that you have it will make me feel better about not having you with me.”

I took it from him and shrugged it over my shoulders. “You're really cute, you know?”

“Yeah, a little.”

“Don't get cocky,” I said, as I walked towards my house.

He shouted out the window after me, “That's not how you Han Solo someone!”

I laughed and waved good bye as he drove off with a smile.

I entered my home, trying to occupy myself with something until my mother arrived home to pick me up for dinner. All I could think of was the fact that I wouldn't be going to Michael's game or party and would most likely have to spend the weekend without him. It was a tough realization, but I was going to have to deal with the fact that I would be alone for a while. That thought scared the shit out of me.


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: I’m going to put something at the end of this chapter to avoid spoiling everything in the author’s note. I’m so sorry. || This is the chapter I referenced earlier. There is no note at the end of the chapter. I deleted it a couple days after I posted it but it just really said how much I was going through and how much of myself I poured into the character and a bunch of other vaguely personal things.

 “Where do you want to go to eat, Gavy?” My mother asked as I climbed into her car. She pulled into the driveway at 7:59 pm. I didn't have the slightest idea of where I wanted to go. I hadn't thought of it at all in the time that I waited for her to show up. Most of my thoughts were centralized around Michael. _Right now he would be warming up. Now he would be scoring, most likely. It should be somewhere around half time._ Those were the thoughts that I was stuck with as the night went on. I received occasional texts from Ray, updating me with the score and Michael's stats for the night but they stopped coming right around 7:30. I figured he forgot to charge his phone before he left.

“Somewhere with good pasta,” I replied. It was the first thing that came to mind.

“What about that little Italian restaurant in town?” She put the car in reverse once I had my seat belt on. She used to tell me when I was younger that the car was physically incapable of moving until I put my seat belt on and it worked up until I was thirteen years old and by that time I had already developed the habit.

“Olive Garden?”

“No, the one that's actually decent and not a chain restaurant.”

“Yeah,” I agreed with her, not sure which restaurant she was actually talking about. I had no better suggestions. “Let's go there, I'm starving.”

The drive into town took no more than ten minutes. It was very silent in the car. I hadn't spent quality time with my mother since before we came to the states. Her job kept her busy and away from home. I hadn't legitimately talked to her about anything for just as long as we'd been living in the house. I didn't know what to talk about and, judging by the silence, neither did she.

We pulled up to a restaurant that looked to be Italian from the decorations on the outside, though the sign was in a font that made the name very hard to read. The host took us to a two person booth seat away from most of the crowd. It was semi busy for a Friday night. The mass of people created a comforting background chatter.

“What do you think you're going to get?” She asked me as soon as the waiter took our drink orders and walked towards the kitchen.

“Let me see,” I answered as I opened my menu. I looked for a section marked as pastas. I found one that looked familiar. “The fettuccine alfredo looks pretty good.”

“That's what I was thinking. I can't get the same as you though, that's cheating.” She chuckled and I smiled in response. We both shut our menus and placed them on the table in hopes that the waiter would take our order immediately after he returned with our drinks. “So, how are classes?”

“They're going pretty well. I'm passing all of them, so that's a good thing.”

“Very good. I'm proud.”

The waiter came and took our orders and after ten minutes of stumbling through conversation, our food arrived and we both dug in.

She paused after a few bites. “I'm really sorry about not being around as much as I could be, Gav.”

“Mum, It's really okay.” I took another bite of pasta. “I basically come home, do any homework I might have had, hang out with Michael, then go to bed. You're not really missing anything at all.”

“I feel like I am, still.” She took a drink of her water and wiped her face with the napkin on her lap. “How are you and Michael? I feel like that's something I'm really missing.”

“We're doing pretty well.” I smiled at the thought of him. The very sound of his name excited me. “We don't really get to act like we're dating in school.”

“Is he not out?”

“Not even to his parents. I'm pretty sure Ray and his friend Lindsay are the only ones that know other than myself.”

“Well, don't pressure him.”

“I would never even think about it. Whenever he's comfortable, or thinks it's necessary. I don't want him to feel how I felt.”

“We never really talked much about that, did we?” She, of course, was asking about Dan.

“No,” I answered shortly, the smile gone from my face. “We didn't.”

“I didn't feel comfortable saying this to you before we came here, but I never liked Dan.” She continued eating her pasta, waiting for my response.

“That was a long time ago, mum.”

“I'm sorry if you don't want to talk about it. I just thought I should say it, being your mother and all.”

“I mean,” I thought about it, waving my fork in the air. “I didn't like him much towards the end of our relationship either.” I let out a nervous chuckle.

She mirrored the laugh. “Plus, now that you're with Michael, you seem so much happier. Happier than I've ever seen you.”

“You think so?”

“Absolutely! I haven't seen you smile this much in years. You've been altogether in a better mood. Besides the incident the other night, you've been a perfect child. At least as far as I've seen. Seeing you happy makes me happy and I want you to continue to be happy.”

After spending about an hour and a half at the restaurant, we decided it was time to go. We talked about a lot more than just Michael and I learned about her demanding job and how much she was in love with it. We both missed the UK with all of our hearts, but I determined by the end of the night that neither of us wanted to go back.

Once we got home, I watched some television program with her until around 10:30 when she turned off the set and looked to me.

“Do you think the football game is over?” She asked me, sitting up in the recliner.

“Probably.” I double checked the time. “It's probably been over for a while.”

“Do you think people are at Michael's party?”

I scrunched my eyebrows at the question. I didn't want to think of not being there. “Most likely.”

“Did you still want to go?” She stood up and walked to the counter where her keys were sitting.

“Are you serious?” I sprung up, ready to leap into her arms. “Am I ungrounded?”

“Yeah, I'd say you are. Now come on, I'll drop you off.”

I was excited to have my plans change so drastically. After an entire night of thinking of what it would be like to be with Michael, my mother surprised me by letting me go. I couldn't wait to see him.

We pulled up to his house and it was swarming with people. I was waiting for my mother to groan with disapproval, but she never did. She simply told me to have fun and be safe and let me walk up the long driveway.

I reached the door and waded my way through the crowd, keeping my eye out for Michael. I didn't see him anywhere in the main part of the house. I looked in the backyard where people were dancing on the lawn and saw Ray sitting off to the side. I walked up and joined him.

“Dude! Ungrounded then?” He asked with a grin.

“Oh yes.” I smiled back and looked out over the mass of people. “How did the game go?”

“We lost, big time. I would've kept you updated but my phone died.”

“That's what I figured.” Our voices were raised over the sound of the music.

“Yeah, Michael's in a piss poor mood about it too. Haven't seen him since I got here.”

“That's a shame. I haven't seen him either.”

“Not like him to hide away, honestly.”

“Yeah,” I thought about it and it really wasn't. “I'm going to go see if anyone knows where he is.”

“Sounds cool. Good luck man. I'll be here if you need me.”

I left him on the back porch to inquire on Michael's location. No one on the first floor seemed to know. I ventured up to the second floor and everyone was just as clueless. I wanted to check the basement but I didn't want to have people see me slip down the stairs. Michael liked to keep that part of the house closed off to other guests during his parties. I went out into the garage where there were several people standing around enjoying drinks. I saw a familiar face and approached with a smile.

“Lindsay!” I wrapped an arm around her waist.

“Gavin! I didn't think you were coming tonight.” She swayed back and forth as I tried my best to steady her. She was clearly inebriated.

“Neither did I,” I smiled and the people she was standing around laughed. I didn't recognize any of them. “Have you seen Michael?”

“Yeah, actually. He's in a shit mood camping out in the basement.”

“That's what I figured. I'm gonna go talk to him.”

“Hurry back darling!”

I left her in the garage with the circle of her friends and slipped back into the house, figuring the inside entrance to the basement was the best way to go about it. Descending the stairs, I noticed the basement lights were off. I could hear an angry Michael mumbling something from his room and smiled to myself. I was hoping that his mood would lift when he saw that I was there.

I trekked blindly through the basement until I found the door to his room, and slowly opening the door I called his name. I heard a gasp and as I turned on the lights, I wasn't prepared for what I saw.

What I saw was a wide eyed Michael, laying back on his bed propped up on his elbows and he was staring at me as Barbara was sitting on his stomach in her underwear and was in the middle of taking off her shirt. She looked back at me with a confused look.

“Dude, Gavin, shut the fucking door.” She didn't know. She didn't know at all.

“I-I,” My voice was unsteady and my hands were shaking. Tears started to roll down my face. “I-I'm just g-going t-to leave.”

I slammed the door and ran out the one that lead to the garage. I followed the steps up and out, hearing Michael's voice calling after me from the closed basement door. I couldn't think straight. My head was spinning.

_This can't be happening._


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: Here’s Michael’s pov on what happened. This chapter ended up being a lot lot lot longer than I thought.

 We'd lost. It was all my fault. I missed every single throw I made. I couldn't do anything worth while. I'd been the reason for our first loss of the season. I took complete blame for it. It was all because I was thinking of Gavin.

He occupied my thoughts completely. I still hadn't told him about being LtMkilla and I was beginning to think it was too late. I'd let it go on for so long without even dropping hints that it could have been me. He'd said that he wanted to reciprocate my feelings and tell me. I was waiting all day to hear it and it never came. I couldn't think of anything else. I knew he was going to tell me eventually, but I wanted to hear it so badly that I let it consume me.

After getting scolded by coach Burns and taking full blame, I hit the showers, much like the rest of the team, then boarded the bus back to the high school. I was silent the entire way, thoughts lingering on the party that was still going to be at my house and how Gavin wouldn't be there.

I got into my truck without speaking to any of my team mates and headed for my house. Half of the student body was already there when I pulled up. _Why do I do this to myself?_

Ray was the first person that I saw.

“Hey, man! How ya feeling?” He asked me with an all too happy smile.

“Shitty. Just plain shitty.” I pushed past him, walking through the front door and being greeted with an onslaught of people apologizing for the game as if it were their fault. Ray followed me as I went to the kitchen. Someone had bought a keg and drinks had already been poured and were sitting on the counter. “How does this shit even get here?”

“You don't buy it?” Ray asked me with a confused tone.

“I haven't even invited anyone to my house in weeks.” It was true. Three weeks in a row I had parties after every game and everyone was treating it as if it were mandatory. I'd have liked to come home to an empty house at least one time after a game. I took three cups off the counter and exited the kitchen, drinking one of them as I went. “I'll catch you later, Ray.”

“Okay.” This time he didn't follow. “Don't get too down on yourself,” He called as I opened the sliding door to the back porch, letting the cold air and loud music smack me in the face.

There were a few people dancing. The crowd was still forming and filling in and I was able to make it to the far back pretty easily. At the very edge of the woods was the swing set my dad had built for me when I was in fifth grade when we moved here from New Jersey. I was afraid of making friends and never left my house. The swing set was how my dad got me to play outside. It was also how I met my neighbor, Lindsay. She saw the swing set from her house next door, which wasn't really all that next door, and was extremely jealous.

I sat on the swing and downed a drink. The crowd was really filling in and the music was growing louder. The nearest house was a couple lots away and no one in the neighborhood had ever made a noise complaint.

I thought about texting Gavin and checking up on him. I wanted to know how his night was going and if he was having a good time at dinner. He had told me about his mom's offer earlier that morning and how he was actually looking forward to it.

“I really want to go to your party and see you, but if I can't do that, at least I can spend some time with her.”

His mom never seemed to be around and I was happy that she actually wanted to spend time with Gavin. I ended up not texting him. I didn't want to interrupt his dinner and distract him.

I looked at the drinks I was holding and switched one to my other hand. I drank it quickly, throwing my head back once it reached the bottom so it would slide down easily. I was hoping that the more I drank, the happier I would be. I wanted to shake the mood I was in but nothing seemed to be working. After consuming my third and final drink, I walked back into the house, pushing past people saying hello and asking me about the game. I shrugged them all off and as I walked, I started to feel the effects of the alcohol. I didn't remember tasting it and I couldn't say for sure what was in them, but I could tell they were strong.

I walked into my garage where my truck was parked and a group of people were standing in a small circle. There were a few cheerleaders that I only remembered because I'd seen them naked and on top of me. Lindsay was also there and she smiled when she caught sight of me.

“Mikey! I was afraid you'd sulked off for the night.”

I approached her with a fake smile and noticed she had a drink in hand. “Yeah, well I'm about to anyway. Thought I'd come say hi before I disappeared for the night.”

I looked around the circle. The two cheerleaders had their eyes locked on me. They both gave suggestive looks.

“Leaving us so soon?” Barbara chimed in as she walked up to the circle.

“Yeah. Now I am for sure.” The looks the girls were giving me made me uncomfortable. If it were two months before, I would have returned their gazes and invited them to my room with me. Looking at them that night, I had no desire. The only thing I wanted was to leave.

I departed the circle saying good bye to Lindsay and Barbara and walked down the stairs to the basement. I flopped down on my bed without turning any of the lights on. Not even five minutes had passed when I heard someone open my door.

“Go away,” my voice was irritated. My head was spinning by then and I wanted to be alone.

“Don't be like that, Michael.” Barbara's voice echoed in the silence of my room.

“Why are you in here?” I asked her flatly.

“I think you know why I'm here,” She giggled. I heard a zipper unzip.

“What are you doing?” I was now curious. I felt a weight on the bed and then legs on either side of my waist. She was pantless for sure. “Barb, don't. I'm seeing someone.”

“It's really funny because I haven't seen you with anyone around school,” the smile in her voice was apparent and teasing. “What, you'll sleep with all of my squad but not me? How low...” she pressed her hands into my chest and slid down so she was positioned over the crotch of my jeans. I could feel her begin to grind.

“I'm serious, Barb, get off. This isn't funny.”

She moved back up to my stomach and leaned down to me, forcing her lips onto mine. I could taste the alcohol on her tongue as she slipped it in between my lips.

“Stop!” I pushed her away and sat up on my elbows, though she was pinning me down. I could hear someone open the house entrance to the basement and I began to panic. I lowered my voice and tried to muster a serious tone. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Fucking stop. Right now. Get off of me. Get out of my room. Don't fucking come back.”

She ignored me and started to take of her shirt when the door opened. My heart sank when I heard an accent call out my name and a gasp left my lips. This was not good.

The light came on and my eyes widened, not wanting to believe that what I was seeing was in fact Gavin, staring in at Barb on top of me, not understanding the situation. Barb opened her mouth and turned around to say something but I couldn't hear her. I could see Gavin break in front of me, not even ten steps away and I couldn't do anything about it. Tears began to roll down his face and my heart sank even further. The pain in my chest moved to my stomach and it was unbearable. _What the fuck is happening?_

He turned and slammed the door after I watched his mouth spout words that I was unable to catch. I called after him but he didn't come back. Pushing myself up, Barb fell to the floor.

“Michael, what the fuck dude?” She screamed at me.

I got up in her face, the rage building as I tried to hold back tears. “In case you were wondering, that,” I pointed to the door with a shaking arm. “Is who I am seeing. Thanks a fucking lot you dumb bitch.”

I ran out the door and through the garage door, up the steps. When I reached the top, Lindsay was there to meet me. “What's going on?” She asked. She was unsteady on her feet and her face was that of confusion.

“Where did he go?” Was all I could think to say. She pointed to the side door that lead to my yard.

I swiftly made my way out, avoiding guests and swerving through people that were crowded in the driveway. I couldn't think straight and the alcohol made it hard to maneuver without taking someone out. _He's trying to leave._ On that thought I made my way to the front of the crowd and looked down the cement. I saw him at the end of the drive, crouched to the ground talking on his phone. My legs started moving before I realized that I was running. Running faster than I had in the game. Running faster than I ever had.


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: ohohohohohohh this chapter is going to hurt you

 I heard the foot steps pound on the pavement behind me but I continued talking to Ray.

“Gavin, You've gotta slow down,” He said over the phone. “I can't hear what you're saying.”

“Just, c-come to the driveway.” I couldn't see anything in front of me. Everything was blurred by my tears.

“Okay, give me like five minutes.” He hung up and the line went dead.

I decided to turn and address the steps behind me and was greeted by the sight of Michael, coming to a stop a few feet from me. His eyes were red and I could see the breath leaving his mouth, only visible because of the cold air around us.

“Gav,” He called out my name and began to approach with a sway to his walk.

“No,” I yelled, standing up and backing away from him towards the road. “No, just fuck off.” I wasn't in control of my words. I normally wouldn't have been so harsh.

“Gavin, you've got to listen me this is all just a big misundersta-”

“I don't have to listen to anything! I saw all I needed to see.”

“You don't understand. This is all wrong.” He put his hands on his head and grabbed at his hair. His expression was pained.

“You're right! It is all wrong!” The breeze picked up and I felt the sting of the tears on my face. “I can't come to one – just one – of your stupid parties and my mother takes the time to drive me here and I was going to surprise you,” I was rambling on and on but my sentence wouldn't stop. “And then I walk into Barb, half naked on top of you in a dark room... You can fuck right off.”

“Gavin, baby, everything is mixed up,” He was struggling with his words. “This wasn't supposed to happen,” tears were streaming down his face.

“I wasn't supposed to catch you? Maybe you weren't supposed to be drunk and fuck Barbara!” I threw my arms open. I couldn't contain the pain that I felt in my chest. I wanted to curl up under a blanket. I wanted to die. “If that's how you think this is supposed to work, then how are we still dating?”

“Just let me talk for one god da-”

“Fuck you, Michael. You don't deserve to speak!” I looked around. There was no one around us, but the people towards the house were beginning to stare down the drive, though they were out of earshot of my screams. “First Dan pulls his shit, then I found someone that I thought would treat me right, and then you go and pull the same exact shit. I can not believe you!”

“Please,” He begged, crying harder than he had been before.

“I've given you enough of my time! I believed you, Michael. I believed you when you said that you'd never cheat on me. I believed you when you said that you wouldn't be like Dan, that you wouldn't be scum. I believed you when you said you wanted to be with me and me alone. Hell, I even believed you when you said you loved me.” My heart shattered piece by piece with every broken promise I spouted back at him. I watched him winced like my words were ammunition and they were tearing holes into him. “I'll tell you what, Michael. I should have never, _ever_ believed you and your lying mouth. Ray told me you were a man whore and I thought he had it all wrong. Turns out, he was right! You'll never change. You'll just continue to go back to your old ways.” I saw Ray make his way down the driveway, Lindsay slightly behind. “I believed you, Michael, and I can tell you one thing for sure. After tonight, I will never believe in _anything_ again.”

He crumbled where he stood and collapsed to the ground, lowering his head into his hands. “This can't be happening,” He mumbled over and over again.

My chest was heaving and my head was spinning. My entire body hurt with betrayal.

“What the hell is going on here?” Ray said as he approached us. He stood between us looking very concerned, changing his view from Michael to me then back. Lindsay approached Michael and knelt down to where he was sobbing into his hands.

“Lindsay,” he cried quietly, barely audible and muffled with tears. “Lindsay, make him listen to me, please. I need him to listen to me.”

“Fuck you, Michael Jones.” I spit on the ground beside him and wiped at my eyes. “We need to leave, Ray.”

“Okay,” He said and looked at Lindsay. Her expression was hurt and she was too intoxicated to know what to do. “Let me, uh... let me call Chris and see if he can give us a ride.”

“I'm not staying here with this sack of shit. We'll walk while you dial.” Every insult that poured from my mouth was involuntary and they made me flinch. I didn't want to call him names and I hardly thought that way about him. Calling him names was a reflex. A way of protecting myself from falling into his arms again. I couldn't let myself be tricked like I was with Dan.

“Gavin, Michael really wants to talk about this,” Lindsay pleaded.

“I don't care,” I choked out. I turned to the road and Ray followed. That's when I realized I was still wearing Michael's letterman. I stopped in my tracks and shrugged it off, making sure I had my phone and my wallet in my pants pockets. After I was sure I had my belongings, I threw the jacket on the ground in front of Michael. The pain I felt in my chest when it hit the cement was unlike anything I'd ever felt and it made it hard to breathe. “Cheers.” I said as I turned back to Ray.

Ray and I walked down the road, Ray on his phone, calling Chris. I listened to Michael's desperate cries for me to stay until I was out of ear shot. When I couldn't hear his voice anymore, my cries picked up.

“Thanks, Chris,” Ray hung up the phone as we reached the end of Michael's street. “Gav, Chris will be here in fifteen minutes or less. I told him you were really upset about a girl.”

“T-thanks, R-Ray.” I could see him look at me out of the corner of my eye, though the tears kept me from seeing his exact expression.

“Why don't we just,” he stopped in his tracks and sat down on the side walk. “Sit here and wait.”

I agreed and without hesitation, I sat on the cold ground. I brought my knees up to my chest and hid my face in my arms. Thinking about what had just happened, I sobbed uncontrollably.


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: This chapter is less painful (I think? I can’t be too sure) I’m currently working on the next one!

 The ride back to my house was silent. Ray kept his eye on me from the front seat while I occupied the back one by myself. I was thankful he didn't address what had happened because I wasn't sure if I could manage to talk about it. The street lights passed over head and lit up the cup holder I was staring blankly at every so often. I had stopped crying, but my eyes were heavy.

The car slowed to a stop in front of the curb by my house. I immediately opened the door and slid out, the weight of the night seeming to make me slump in defeat. I walked into my yard, unaware that Ray was calling out to me until I felt his hand on my shoulder.

“Gavin,” He called and I turned to him slowly. “Did you want me to stay? I just want to make sure you're okay.”

I mustered half of a fake smile. “I'll be fine.” There was no joy in my voice.

“Okay... just,” He pulled me into a hug. “Call me if you need anything.”

I wrapped my arms around his back after a few seconds of him holding me there and began to sob again, burying my face into his shoulder. His hand rubbed up and down my back, trying to comfort me. After I pulled away I said thank you and told him to tell Chris that I was thankful for the ride home.

Entering my house, I noticed all the lights were off. My mother had either gone to bed or went back to work. After checking the garage for her car and finding it empty, I climbed the stairs to my room. Upon entering, I immediately caught sight of Michael's gray hoodie. It was sitting on my pillow, freshly cleaned and folded. Tears blurred my vision as I crossed the room over to it. I took it in both hands; my knuckles grew white as I gripped tighter and tighter. My tears were starting to drip down my nose and onto the fabric. I couldn't decide what to do with it. I wanted with every fiber of my being to light it on fire or throw it out the window but I couldn't.

Instead I unfolded it gently and pulled myself into it. It was a size too big, just like his letterman jacket had been on me. It covered my hands almost completely. Putting it on was torturing myself.

“It would be easier and hurt a lot less if you would just get rid of it,” I told myself, wiping at my eyes with the oversized sleeves. “You're such an idiot.”

I thought of the time that Dan had ended things with me. _How did I deal with that?_ It seemed so distant in my mind at the time that I wasn't quite sure of the answer. I remembered spending a lot of time shut in my room, ignoring phone calls from friends. I remembered hearing my mother sob in her room when she thought I was asleep. She didn't want me to think that it was my fault they had gotten divorced, but after Dan had left me, I knew she thought I put her through all of that for nothing. _Maybe that's why I held on to Dan for so long in the end._ I remembered cuddling up on my bed under the quilt I had since I was a child. My grandmother had given it to my mother when she was pregnant and it had been mine since I was born. It served as my security when Dan broke my heart. I would wrap it around myself so tightly that I couldn't move and mope in my room until I absolutely had to move. I had packed it away when we moved, hoping that memories of Dan would go away with it, but now I had an urge to find it. I needed the comfort.

I searched through the linen closet at the end of the hallway and, sure enough, there it was. It was folded on the top shelf. I unfolded it right there in the hallway and draped it over my shoulders. The cloth was soft and worn. It smelled like my old house still and I was reminded of what home used to be like. It made my heart ache when I thought of it. I'd never felt a stronger urge to go back.

I walked back to my room with the quilt dragging on the ground. Sitting down at my computer, I set up to record a video. I ran my hand through my hair and started talking.

“Hello,” My voice was unenthusiastic. “I really need to vent right now, I guess. Or I need some support or something. I don't really want to talk about it in this video, but I think I'm going to quickly set up a tiny chat.” I started typing into the address bar. After signing in, I set up a room. “Okay, I have a room set up and I'll post the link in the description once I upload this. You don't have to join, don't feel obligated in the least. I'm just in need of someone to vent to since I shrugged off my best friend after...” I trailed off, thinking off Michael and how I left him a sobbing mess on the ground. I started to tear up. “Just,” I choked on my words and coughed to make it seem like nothing. “I'll be here all night.”

I shut the recording off and posted it to YouTube with the proper link in the description.  


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: nope it still hurts still hurts still hurts hurts hurts

 Within about five minutes, I was greeted by a familiar username entering the chat. They had posted on my videos pretty often.

“'i_ship_it69,' Welcome to the chat.”

 **i_ship_it69** : is there anyway I can change my name?

They were typing in chat instead of loading up their video. I typed back to them. Unfortunately, my tinychat name was not as disguised as my YouTube name.

 **GavinoFree** : Not entirely sure.

 **i_ship_it69** : Shit

 **GavinoFree** : Why don't you just come on video chat?

 **i_ship_it69** : I don't have my webcam set up hold on

It took a moment for a video to pop up. A girl with red hair and glasses showed herself and waved.

“Hello, there,” She said, her voice excited.

“Hi, love. What's your name?” I asked with little interest in my tone.

“Meg. Is your name really Gavino? You've never actually said your name before.”

“No, it's just Gavin.” I leaned back in my chair and pulled my knees up. I slid my legs up into the hoodie and tugged the quilt so it was around me completely.

“Nice to meet you,” She smiled. “Is it just cold where you are or do you like sitting under layers?”

“Heh,” I let out a small chuckle. “Neither, I'm just sad.”

Another person popped into the chat room and their name caught my eye. It was the notorious LtMkilla.

“Oh my god, I didn't expect him to come to the chat,” Meg's voice chimed.

 **LtMkilla** : Howdy

 **LtMkilla** : Well, to be fair

 **LtMkilla** : I wasn't expecting to be on tonight.

“Everyone is welcome.” I dropped the quilt so it was around my waist and crossed my legs on my swivel chair. I scooted in closer to my desk so I could rest an elbow by my keyboard.

 **LtMkilla** : …

 **LtMkilla** : You look great in that hoodie.

I could feel my cheeks get hot as I looked down. “Thanks. I should probably take it off though.”

“Why are you sad, Gavin?” Meg asked me. She made a pout form on her lips.

“Well,” I paused, thinking of how I wanted to word it. I wasn't sure if I could without crying. “I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. With the cheer captain.” I wiped at my face, feeling a tear cascade down my cheek.

“Oh shit. Are you alright?”

“Not so much. It happened about an hour ago.”

“How did you catch him? I thought you were grounded? And I thought he was gay?”

“Well, he's not entirely gay. Or maybe he is. I guess I never asked. He's had quite a history with girls.” I sighed deeply. “I went to dinner with my mum tonight and we were talking about stuff and how I seemed a lot happier and we were talking all about him. I guess I can tell you both his name since it's just us. His name is Michael.” The name stung my throat. “We were talking and she said she could tell that Michael made me happy and she ungrounded me and said I could go to his party. I walked in his room and there she was on top of him half naked.”

 **LtMkilla** : Maybe there's more to the story?

“Maybe,” I responded flatly, trying not to cry. “I don't really have an interest in finding out if there is though. I said some pretty terrible things to him that I both meant and didn't and didn't mean. I don't think things could be the same with us.”

“You should still talk to him, ya know?” Meg sat back in her chair.

 **LtMkilla** : I agree

 **LtMkilla** : You should really really talk to him

“I just don't know if I can.” I rubbed my hands on my face. “He promised me none of this would ever happen. I don't like to talk about my ex, but my ex wasn't exactly the best to me. He cheated and was mean and was demanding in more than one way. Getting Michael was like a dream come true and then all this happens and I can't even think about it without choking up.” Tears were streaming down my face yet again. My chest ached. “I'll never be able to look at either of them the same way again.”

At that point, my phone started vibrating in my back pocket. I took it out and looked at the screen. It was Michael. I stared at it with a troubled disposition until it stopped. When I looked back at the monitor, Meg was giving me a sad look and there were messages from LtMkilla.

 **LtMkilla** : Answer it

 **LtMkilla** : We don't mind.

“I-it was him,” I stuttered. I brought my knees up to my chin and wrapped my arms around my legs. “I couldn't.”

“It's okay, Gavin. We're here for you.”

“Thanks.” I stared at the monitor for a while, thinking about how pathetic I looked on camera. My phone went off again and I let it go.

“LtMkilla, why don't you have a video up?” Meg asked.

It took them a while to respond.

 **LtMkilla** : Not a good idea.

“What, why not? I'm sure you're handsome.” The conversation went on without me as I watched the screen.

 **LtMkilla** : I'm in the middle of something.

My phone went off again. I sighed and picked it up off the desk.

“Please don't tell me you're like masturbating or something weird,” She chuckled. “Actually, we've never established if you're even a guy.” She had a beautiful smile. It reminded me of Barb's.

I was about to answer it when the screen flashed to 'missed call.'

 **LtMkilla** : I'm a guy.

 **LtMkilla** : I can tell you for sure I'm not masturbating.

“Then what is it, hm?”

A text message came through. I unlocked my phone and checked it.

_Michael Jones: Gavin, please will you just talk to me? This can all be sorted out. Please babe. It wasn't at all what it looked like. I'm really beat up about this and I'm so sorry that you had to see that without an explanation. I'm trying to give you one but you won't pick up your phone and I really need to talk to you about it. Please, Gavin, don't leave me like this._

**LtMkilla** : Something really important.

“Guys,” I chimed in. My voice was shaking. “I have to go. I just got a text from him and I really can't do all this right now. I've got to go to sleep, I'm just too emotionally drained.”

“I understand, Gavin. Sleep well and try to think of happy things.” Meg disconnected with a smile and a wave.

 **LtMkilla** : Make sure you get a good night's rest...

 **LtMkilla** : I'll be thinking about you.

“Thanks, mate. Night.”

I closed out of the window and turned off my monitor. Another text popped up.

_Michael Jones: Gav plse I love you so mucha nd im so messed up right now about tonight plese just respond and let me kno youre there let me kniw youre ok_

I crawled into bed without pushing down the covers and only covered myself with the quilt. I opened a new text message and typed out a sentence then sent it and quickly drifted off to sleep.

_Gavin Free: Please, don't contact me again._


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: I’ve had dreams of boston all of my life, chinatown between the signs of the night, but if you leave I just don’t think I could take… it could take… it

 I woke up the next morning to my mother knocking on my door. “Gav?” She called my name from the hallway. I looked at the clock and it was just past eleven.

“Yeah?” I stretched and sat up, responding with a groggy tone.

She opened my door slowly and stood in the frame, looking at me as I rubbed one of my eyes. The sun was streaming in from my window and I was having trouble adjusting. “Sweetie,” She started. “Why is Michael on my porch with flowers?”

I slipped out from under my quilt and my mother seemed to take notice of it.

“Did you and him break up? You haven't gotten that out since you and Dan-”

“Yes. Yes, mum,” I cut her off. I stood up and walked by her to the bathroom where I began brushing my teeth.

“Are you not going to meet him?” She followed me soon after.

“I'd really rather not,” I gurgled out.

She let out a heavy sigh. “Are you at least going to tell me what happened?”

I spit out the last of my tooth paste into the sink and washed my mouth out with water by sticking my head under the faucet. When I'd finished, I wiped my chin and lips off with a hand towel and looked her in the eyes. The pain was fresh as I remembered the events of the previous night. “I caught him cheating on me.” Again I pushed passed her, walking into my room and crossing to the closet. I pulled out a fresh shirt and shed the gray hoodie, discarding it to the floor with little regard.

“Oh, Gavy, are you okay?” she was back in my room again, most likely watching me for a reaction as I pulled a plain purple shirt over my head. “Did you want to talk about it?” She asked when I didn't answer her first question.

“I'll talk about it when it stops hurting.” I pulled a pair of jeans off the floor and put them on. When I turned to her there was a tear on my cheek.

“I'll tell him that you're not interested in talking. Love you, dear.” She turned and walked down the steps. I heard the front door open and I heard Michael's voice greet her. My heart fell in my chest when the door shut behind her.

I sat at the top of the steps, waiting for her to reenter the house. It seemed like hours had passed before the knob on the door giggled. She stepped inside with a giant bouquet of roses and a disappointed look on her face.

“Gavin,” she called my name as if she were about to scold me. “I'm not going to discuss this with you, but Michael told me about what happened last night. I understand if you don't want to talk to him right now, but you really should have him explain the situation.”

I rolled my eyes and went back to my room.

Eventually she had to leave for work. I didn't come out of my room again until I heard her car pull out of the garage. When I descended the steps, I was greeted by the flowers Michael had gotten for me. They were placed in one of my mother's vases. There was a card sticking out of the top of them. I picked it out carelessly, breaking one of the stems on the flowers. The flower fell on to the counter as I read the note.

“Baby, I'm so sorry. I love you, Michael.”

I wiped at my eyes, unaware that I was crying until I had finished reading. I then became panicked as I looked at the broken rose on the counter top. It fell right off and I broke it.

_What am I supposed to do? It's broken. I can't fix it. Michael got me something and I broke it. I ruined it. It's going to die if I don't do something._

I couldn't breathe properly. The room was spinning and the lights from outside were blinding me. Tears were running like rivers from my eyes. I took the rose in the palms of my hands and sank to the floor, leaning my head against a bar stool. My chest was heaving. I was having a panic attack over a rose stem being broken. I felt an aching in my chest and realized it was much more than just the rose.

After twenty minutes of crying on the floor and trying to get my breathing under control, someone knocked on the front door then let themselves in. I heard them call up the steps for me. I heard their feet scuffle on the ground when they realized I was on the floor in the kitchen. They came around the corner and sunk down to my level.

“Gavin, what the hell?” Ray called to me, grabbing my attention from the flower in my hands. “Why are you on the floor?”

I held my open palms out to Ray. “Look at it!” I cried. The flower was now thoroughly crushed and ripped. “It's broken! I can't fix it!”


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: These are really short but I had to speed through the weekend while still getting plot points in so yeah here are these two short ones woo I BET YOU DIDN’T EXPECT TO GET TWO TONIGHT

 Ray stayed with me that night until his mother called him to go home. I was silent most of the time, looking distantly at walls or other inanimate objects, hardly responding to anything he said to me. He made sure that I was eating and that I was okay before he left for the night. I was far from okay, but I shook my head yes and he left after a short hug.

Locking myself in my room, I started up another video and another Tinychat.

“I'm really broken,” was the first sentence I recorded. “I cried over a stupid thing and had a panic attack on the floor for an hour. My friend found me there and it took him forever to calm me down. All over one stupid broken stem of a flower. You know that sting you get when you stick your finger with a rose thorn? My whole body feels like that. I'm sure everyone that watches this is like 'what is he on about?' but honestly I don't know what I'm on about either. I'm going to start a Tinychat for a half hour or something to occupy my time. I don't think I'll be sleeping well tonight.”

Meg joined the room, the same as the night before.

“How are you, Gav?”

“Not so good,” I replied simply.

She talked to me. She didn't ask what was wrong or why I was upset. I asked her to distract me and she talked about herself and I was genuinely intrigued. It didn't make me forget about how sad I was or the pain I felt, but it occupied my time for longer than I had anticipated. When the time came for her to depart, I said my good byes then climbed into bed. I wrapped the quilt around myself again and stared at the ceiling until the sun began to come up.

I slept through most of Sunday, only waking up when I received a phone call from Lindsay. I picked it up without thinking.

“Hello,” my voice was groggy as I answered.

“Hey, Gav. It's Lindsay.”

“Tell Michael I don't want to talk to him through anyone.” My response was automatic.

I heard a heavy sigh. “Gavin, I understand. One hundred percent I do understand. That's not why I called, but I really hope you do talk to him eventually and sort things out between you two.”

“What did you call for?” I was irritated. I felt like Michael was in the background listening. I heard a groan which solidified my assumption and I was tempted to hang up on her.

“I called because I need to make sure you're still on the committee. And that we're still friends.”

I ran my hand through my hair, realizing that I wasn't being very fair to her. “Yeah,” I said shortly at first. “Yes to both. You didn't do anything wrong Lindsay, I know you're just trying to help him out.”

“I'm trying my best, but it doesn't seem to be working.”

“It's nothing against you, I'm just...” I couldn't think of anything to explain myself.

“I understand, man. It's totally fine. So, tomorrow I can count to see you at the first decorating meeting? It'll be in the art room after school.”

“Yeah, you can count on me.”

“Thanks, Gav. It really means a lot.” I heard something break in the background immediately followed by a string of curses and more things being thrown around. “I've gotta go, I'll see you tomorrow.” She hung up quickly but I still heard Michael shout 'I just want to talk to him!'

After the call, I immediately fell asleep again. I didn't wake up until it was time for school the next morning.


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: How the frick frack did I get 999 words tempted to reread or add duh at the end or something like what the hell

 I was early walking to school. I didn't wait for Ray at our usual spot. He ended up texting me just around the time that I reached the main doors.

_Where are you?_

I quickly texted him back that I woke up early and started walking, even though that was a lie. The truth was that I didn't have the motivation to eat breakfast or take a shower before I left. I probably looked like a greasy disgusting mess, but I couldn't seem to care.

When I walked in to my homeroom classroom noticing I was the only student. Mr. Heyman, by some miracle, was sitting at his desk instead of wandering through the halls like he usually did.

“What are you here so early for?” He joked, sitting up in his chair. I crossed the room to him without answering. “You okay, Free?”

“I need a new seat in calculus.” I didn't wait for his response and walked around his desk to sit in the one immediately in front of his.

“Why?” he gave me a confused look.

I put my head down and looked out the window, ignoring his question. I heard the shuffling of feet and a few students enter the room. Turning my head, I watched Mr. Heyman get up from his seat and shoo them away.

“No. Nope. Just, one second.”

“Mr. Heyman,” one of the students protested. “Can't we just sit down?”

“You won't be late,” He continued backing them out the door. “Just give me like, five minutes.”

He shut the door and locked it then crossed the room to me. I sat back up in my desk and frowned, not looking forward to the conversation.

“Okay, what the hell is wrong?” he put both hands on his hips and looked down at me. Mr. Heyman dressed pretty casually compared to the other teachers. Most of them would wear dress shirts and ties along with black slacks. Mr. Heyman always wore a plain polo of some color and black jeans. His shoes were plain black sneakers. He always kept a blazer at his desk in case another teacher came in. He would put it on to look slightly more dressed up so he wouldn't get reported. On this particular day, his polo was a light blue color.

“I don't really want to talk-”

“Oh, no. You're gonna talk. Ray won't talk to me about it because he's not sure if you're okay with it. I'm going to make you talk to me, Free.”

“Well that's bollocks.”

“Would you just tell me already? If not I'm making you keep your seat.”

I sighed in defeat. “Michael and I were dating and we broke up over the weekend.”

He looked shocked. His eyes were wide and I'm not sure if he even took a breath until he spoke again. “Well. I was unaware that that was a thing that was possible.” He walked over to the door and unlocked it. “Keep that seat, I'll fight anyone that tries to fight you.” The door opened and the class poured in just as the late bell rang. “No one is late, just sit down.”

Someone unfamiliar walked up to me and asked why I was in his seat and Mr. Heyman told them to take my old seat. The rest of homeroom I sat with my head in my arms crossed over the desk. I was dreading the bell. I didn't want to look at Michael. I didn't want to hear his name. I didn't want to see his face. About three minutes before the bell was to ring, someone tapped me on the shoulder.

“Hey,” They called for my attention. “Were you at Michael's party on Friday?” I looked to them and saw a boy with brown hair and a smile so big I thought it was going to get stuck on his face.

“Uh... yeah. For a bit.”

“Dude, did you see him freak and kick everyone out?”

“N-no, I must have missed that part.”

“He went totally crazy, like, started knocking shit over and screaming at everyone.”

“Sounds pretty mental,” I tried to sound uninterested. Just another rumor-spreader.

“It was totally mental. Name's Caleb, by the way.” He stuck out his hand to shake and I ignored it.

“Gavin,” I replied flatly just as the bell rang.

“Well, it was nice to meet you. Maybe we'll see each other later?” He picked up his things and started to exit the classroom.

“Maybe.” I watched him walk off then returned my head to my arms.

When the bell rang for first period to begin, I lifted my head. I was trying not to look behind me, even though I wanted to. I was seated in the corner opposite where my original seat was. I was at the front of the class. I didn't have to see any of the students if I didn't want to and I didn't want to. I ignored everyone, including Mr. Heyman until the end of class when I grabbed my back pack and left as quickly as I possibly could.

Lindsay got my attention in second and third period and tried to talk to me about the weekend but I zoned out through most of the conversation. She was trying to tell me about Michael and as soon as I heard his name, I felt the pain shoot through me and I started daydreaming about what I saw on that Friday.

I was distant in every class. I didn't want to deal with school. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I kept hearing rumors of Michael's destructive break down at his party and I most definitely didn't want to hear about that. Or him. Or anything that had to do with him. I knew that I couldn't avoid the situation forever and I was made painfully aware of that when I stepped into the art room and saw both Barbara and Michael for the first time that day.


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: This is coming to an end a lot sooner than I thought tho tomorrow is thursday and I planned on ending it like saturday….

 Both of them were looking at me for a split second and they looked away very quickly. I averted my gaze from them, instead looking at Ray as I walked down the aisle and took my normal seat beside Michael. I turned my chair around to face Ray as soon as I sat down.

“You look nasty, Gav,” Ray said and rubbed his hand on my head, messing up my hair.

“Thanks,” I said without emotion. I realized Ray was making a joke when his smile faded and decided I should find my own joke within me and force it out. I didn't like to see Ray upset. “It's a new look I'm going for. It's called strange homeless man.”

He laughed and Mrs. Ramsey's snickering got our attention. I turned in my seat to see a heavily tattooed man at her desk, smiling along with her with a bag in his hand. He leaned in and gave her a kiss then set the bag down on her desk. “No, I'm serious, Griffon, take it.”

“Geoff, I can't!” She protested, jokingly.

The man started backing away from her desk and out the door. “Love you,” I heard him call. Mrs. Ramsey waved and blew a kiss to the man and then stood at the front of the class.

“That was my husband. You all can go on and do your projects.”

I turned back around in my seat and Ray shrugged. “Ya know, even though she was a Mrs. I didn't think she was married.”

“Neither did I.” I smiled and then got up to get my project from the back of the room. Ray followed. We were making sculptures with air dry clay. Ray and I had finished ours and needed to paint them. Mine was of a tree with a tire swing hanging off of it, though it looked more like a piece of broccoli. We took our sculptures back to our tables and Ray brought the paint supplies with him. I continued to use Ray's desk as my own.

“Why are you turned around like that, Gavin?” Barbara asked me in her ever shrill voice. I cringed when she asked the question and tried my best to ignore it, continuing to talk and smile with Ray. “Gavin,” she called my attention again. “Use your own table.” I looked up to her and then back down to my project.

“Maybe you should just switch me spots. Would solve a lot of problems since you two love being together so much.” I pointed at Michael with my thumb, not looking in his direction and felt Ray's foot come in contact with my shin. I looked up at him and he was looking at me with a look that screamed 'stop.'

I went back to painting and I heard the chair beside me scoot out quickly and slam back in place.

“Mr. Jones is there a reason-” Mrs. Ramsey began to address the noise.

“No, just...” He trailed off as I heard his steps fade out the door. “I'll be back in ten minutes.”

“You know, Gavin?” Barbara crossed her arms over her chest. Her tone was harsh. “Michael told me to let him explain the situation and I'm gonna let him do that. But I swear to god if you're still being an ass hole in a couple days I'm going to beat it into you.”

“That's nice,” was all I could manage to say. The smile was gone from my face. I thought I would find joy in saying what I did but it just made things ten times worse.

Michael did eventually come back to class. He didn't say a word to anyone and sat with his head down until the bell rang. I stayed where I was when it did, looking to spend my free period with Lindsay before our meeting. We discussed what we were going to make and once the final bell of the day rang, we went to the gym to map out where we should put everything. Once that was done, we went back to the art room and started working on some of the decorations. Most of them were streamers that were red and black. There were some center pieces that needed to be made and we decided on getting glass bowls to place water and floating candles in. Lindsay said that the budget for homecoming was pretty high so she would go out and get what was needed that night. She didn't bring up Michael once.

After the meeting, I walked home thinking about how nice my time with Lindsay had been since she wasn't mentioning Michael. It put me in a better mood, even though the entire time I was thinking about him and what he was doing. I couldn't help my thoughts. They'd become routine at that point. What would be hard was breaking out of the habit.

And as the week went on, my mood inclined. Little things would happen, like someone new talking to me or someone helping me pick up my books that I'd dropped on the floor by my locker. I noticed strangers passing smiles and people around me being happy. It made me happy. More and more every day, I found myself getting better and better, though the thought of Michael never left my mind. I would think about our old conversations and read through our text messages and Skype conversations and they would make me happy. Every time I finished, I would immediately feel the heart ache. Being able to go back and look at how happy we were made me feel so much better only momentarily but once I was back to the realization that we weren't together, it made it sting just a little less.

At some points I considered talking to Michael and letting him explain the situation. Every time I would see him pass by me in the hall, I wanted to go up to him and fall back to how we were and let him have his say but the seasoned part of me that remembered Dan begged me not to. So I didn't. I kept it within myself and constantly wanted Michael's attention in secrecy. Until Thursday after the homecoming meeting while I was walking home.


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: TONIGHT IS ‘IT CAN’T GET MUCH WORSE’ VS ‘NO ONE SHOULD EVER FEEL LIKE’

 On my way home on Thursday, I decided to listen to music I had on my phone. I hadn't listened to anything in a very long time and thought that it might brighten my mood a little more. The first song that started playing when I put in my head phones was 'Brianstorm' by Arctic Monkeys. It was the first song that Michael and I had listened to together and my heart felt heavy again. I wanted him to be there with me so I could reach out and grab his hand.

A car pulled up beside me and I didn't notice it until the horn was honked, pulling me out of my fantasy. I looked to the open passenger side window, removing my ear buds. I rolled my eyes and averted my gaze when I saw a quirky blonde in her cheerleading uniform.

“Gavin,” Barbara called me as she accelerated to keep up with my pace. “Don't you fucking dare walk away.”

“What the hell do you want?” I asked her while keeping my gaze straight forward.

“I want you to listen to me. You won't listen to Michael no matter how hard he tries to get your attention.”

“There's a reason for that,” I said without emotion.

“And there's a reason why it took me this long to confront you about your bull shit.”

I looked at her only to scowl and roll my eyes. “Whatever,” I brushed her off and kept walking.

“You know what?” She screamed, putting her car in park and stepping out. I was a good twenty feet from her at that point. “It's all my fault! I came on to Michael!”

I stopped and turned to face her. She had my attention.

“Get in my car and we'll talk all about it. Seriously, Gav.”

I sighed and hung my head. _Am I really going to listen to her?_

I did. I walked to her car and opened the passenger door, slipping into the seat. Barbara climbed into her side and we shut our doors. She drove in a direction that I wasn't familiar with.

“Michael told me not to tell you, ya know. He wanted to be the one who told you.”

“Why?” I was confused. _If he would have just let Barb tell me, or even if he would have just told me himself instead of asking for my permission, this entire situation would have been done and over with._

“He wanted you to hear it from him instead of a secondary source, I guess. It doesn't really make sense, but he said he didn't want to seem like your ex.”

“How would he seem like my ex?”

“He didn't want to be assertive like your ex. That's how he explained it to me.” She was of course referring to Dan.

“How much have you two been talking?” I was nervous that Michael might have told her about my past. I wasn't comfortable with that at all.

“Quite a bit but only because he doesn't know who else to talk to about you. Lindsay has been trying to avoid the subject and the only other person that knew was Ray and he's very clearly your friend. Which brings me to a question of my own. Why didn't you two just tell me? This would have never even happened if you idiots would have just let me know. You should have just been like, 'hey, yo Barb. Michael totally loves to ride my dick.'”

“That's not...” I stopped myself from correcting her. Letting out a sigh, I went on. “I guess we didn't tell you because you're the source of a lot of rumors.”

“Yeah, about girls I don't like. I only spread rumors when I have something to gain, and before you say it, I know I'm awful. But what do I have to gain from spreading a rumor that Michael is gay for you?”

“Hell if I know.” I looked at my hands folded in my lap and frowned.

“You're so dumb some times. At least your intentions are good.”

“I guess,” was all I could answer. I looked out the window at the passing trees and noticed we weren't in town anymore. We were driving on a back road and there were only plants and trees and the guardrails on the sides of the road. We turned onto a gravel drive that led to cement after about twenty feet. At the end of the drive was a house set into the woods.

“So,” Barbara started as she turned of the car. “Are you ready to listen to what happened exactly so you and Michael can go back to being cute boyfriends?”

“I can't say for sure that will happen, but I'll listen.” We both climbed out of her car and I followed her to the front door.

“Well, for starters, we lost the game that night. Michael was in an awful mood. I realize now that he was probably in a bad mood because he missed you, but that's not the point.” We walked in to the house and she led me to the wide open kitchen. The outside of the house gave off a vibe that the inside would look run down and much like a log cabin but it turned out to be much more modern and homey. “When he showed up, I was already really, really drunk.” She sat down at the dining room table that was partially in the kitchen and motioned for me to sit next to her. I pulled out a chair and it made an awful rubbing sound against the hardwood floor. “I decided I would try and make Michael's night a little better by giving him what he would normally want. He out right protested but I was pretty drunk and so was he so I don't think he could actually get me off of him until you walked in. That's basically where things started to go crazy. After you left Michael was a mess and kicked everyone out. He punched a hole in his wall and nearly broke his hand. He broke a few of his parent's vases and-”

“Wait, he did what to his hand?” I was surprised.

“Yeah. You didn't notice that his hand was practically black and blue all week?”

“I guess I didn't. I've been trying not to pay attention though.”

“Gavin,” she put a hand on my shoulder. “The fact that you have to try not to pay attention to him really says something.”

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. “I know.” I was going to tell her how I was going to tell Michael that I loved him that night and how she screwed it up and how I was too stupid to let Michael talk. But I didn't. I kept my mouth shut. And I cried. And Barbara held me while I cried at her dining room table until her mother came home.


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: *drum intro* we’re goin dan dawn inanerliarround shuga we’re gowing dan swinging

 I sat on my bed staring up at the ceiling much like I had done every night for the past week. My sheets still smelled like him from all the times he'd been over or the time we had sex there. I curled into them, wrapping them around me and taking in the smell. I never washed my sheets after and when my mother proposed that I wash them that Wednesday with the rest of the sheets, I screamed at her for twenty minutes in protest. She didn't even scream back. I just kept screaming and screaming and she sat there and listened. I screamed about the sheets and the stress of school and football practice and how I wouldn't be able to throw in the homecoming game because of my hand and how I'd lost someone important to me and how I was absolutely in love with Gavin.

That was how I came out to my mother. She cried for twenty minutes and I held her while she cried. She cried about a lot of things, all of which she spouted out one after another. She cried about how happy she was that I was brave enough to admit it to her and how she was glad that I found someone that could make me happy and how sad she was that he was gone and how she would love me no matter what and how she was in full support. I couldn't stop thinking about the interaction but my ringing phone pulled me out of my trance.

“Hello?” I answered with little interest.

“I just dropped him off.” It was Barbara.

“What do you mean you just dropped him off?” I knew who she was talking about but why had she given him a ride? Why was he with her?

“Michael, I took an initiative and told Gavin what happened.” I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

“I thought I told you I needed to do it. He's not going to believe you.”

“I just hugged the kid while he cried for two hours. If he didn't believe me then what the hell was he crying for?”

“I-I.. I don't know. Maybe he was crying because he didn't believe you.”

“That doesn't make any sense. He kept babbling about letting you talk too, ya know.”

“You're kidding.”

“No, Michael, I'm one hundred percent serious right now.”

I stopped to think for a moment. My life had been in pieces since Gavin had screamed at me that night at the party. I watched him walk away and I think that was more painful than listening to him insult and hurt me. I tried to go into the Tinychat and communicate with him but felt awkward because there was someone else there and just when I was about to say something about who I was, Gavin left for the night. I had texted him while I curled up on my bed, clutching my blanket for dear life. I waited for his reply only to see that he didn't want me to contact him. I tried so hard to not talk to him, but I wanted so badly to tell him the truth. I wanted to be the one to tell him so it was more personal. So I wouldn't seem like a douche bag that didn't appreciate him. So I didn't seem like Dan. I tried so hard but I couldn't even get near him. When I did that Monday in art, he made a snide comment and I left the room in tears. I couldn't even get near him without being hurt. I should have let Barbara talk to him earlier.

“Okay, so how do I even talk to him? Like, I'll probably throw up if he even comes up to me. It's a whole new form of nervous now. I don't want to piss him off and lose him...again.”

“Just talk to him in first period or something tomorrow. It'll be fine.”

“He changed his seat.”

“Okay, maybe at lunch?”

“I don't want to make a scene.”

“How about the next period you have with him?”

“I have art with him but there's a pep rally tomorrow. I'll be gone the last two periods.”

“Before the game, then?”

“Lindsay is skipping the game to decorate the gym. I'm sure he'll be there with her.”

“Homecoming.”

“That's a little late, don't you think?”

“Shit, Michael, I have homework to do. I did my part. Figure out what you have to do and do it. I can't hold your hand.”

“I mean, you technically screwed it all up to begin with.”

“I fixed what I fucked up now you fix your fuck up.”

The line went dead. I thought of ways I could talk to Gavin. Ways that I could make everything better. Thinking of all the possible situations and scenarios, I was finally sprung with an idea. I needed help.

Dialing my phone to the appropriate number, I held it up to my ear and waited for the other side to pick up.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Lindsay, I need your help with something.”


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: NEVER AGAIN WILL I LET SOMEONE IIIN (I love the story so far I’m sorry) Holy shit is it really up to 47 already? it’s almost over but I can’t believe I’ve written damn near 50 chapters and none of you have lost interest. This one is just a filler but not really much like my other fillers

 “Hello, internet. I'd just like to say, first of all, that I'm a big dumb idiot.” I sniffed the snot back into my nose. After Barbara dropped me off, I took a shower and tried to stop myself from crying. By the time I exited the water, my eyes were swollen and my nose was running but I didn't care. “Second of all, I'm going to try and talk to him the next chance I get. I don't know what I'm going to say or when or if I'll even be ready to talk to him, but it needs to be done. I just... I messed up. Really badly. I should have let him talk and I was so stupid for letting it go this long without even knowing the truth. I talked to someone tonight, and they set me straight. In the process, they made me cry for 3 hours straight and I made a great first impression on her mother. I was such a sobbing mess. After about twenty minutes, I didn't even know what I was crying for anymore. I just kept going and going. My friend and I started laughing on the car ride back to my house. She was like, 'When are you gonna stop crying?' and I just busted up laughing and crying and then I started choking and it was such a mess. I tend to get myself in messes a lot. And just be a general mess, but that's nothing I can help.” I looked at my phone. _I should just call him. I should just call him but what should I say?_ “Anyway, I'll think of something.”

I shut off the recording and within ten minutes it was uploaded and receiving comments.

 

 **i_ship_it69** : Are you okay?

e **mmy619XD** : oh no! Don't cry...

 **LtMkilla** : Anything I could help with?

 

I read them over and over again. They worried about my well being, even though they were just names on the internet. They deserved to know.

 

 **BritInDaUSA** : Tinychat in five minutes.

 

I posted the link to the end of the comment and got up to get a drink. By the time I returned, Meg had her video open and LtMkilla along with a user named emmydollin had entered chat.

“Gavy!” Meg greeted me with a wave when I entered frame.

“Hello, love. And loves,” I said, reading through what had been said in chat.

 

 **Emmydollin** : _oh em gee your name is Gavin how cute are you ugh_

**Emmydollin** _: you aren't even in the room..._

_LtMkilla has joined the room!_

**Emmydollin** _: HOLY SHIT_

**LtMkilla** _: sup_

**Emmydollin** _: This is so weird_

**i_ship_it69** _: Em I think you need to calm down darlin_

**i_ship_it69** _: Or should I say..._

**i_ship_it69** _: …dollin_

**LtMkilla** _: 2/10_

**LtMkilla** _: Do not pun again_

**i_ship_it69** _: boo you whore_

**Emmydollin** _: GAVIN'S BACK_

**LtMkilla** _: Hey, gav_

 

“How is everyone tonight?” I asked, taking a sip of my water.

“Just peachy!” Meg replied enthusiastically.

 

 **Emmydollin** : _amazing now that I'm chatting with you_

 **LtMkilla** : _I second Emmy's statement_

 

“You guys are so full of it.” I sniffed, my nose still stuffed from crying. “I'm nothing special.”

 

 **LtMkilla** : _You don't realize how great you are_

 **LtMkilla** : _Do you?_

 

“No, really, you're cracking me up, go on.” I laughed nervously.

“You are pretty great though. Not gonna lie.” Meg pulled the hood of her sweatshirt onto her head then tugged the drawstrings tight. “It's a shame you don't live near me... and are gay.”

“I might live near you. Where do you live?”

“Los Angeles.”

“Nope,” I laughed and sat back in my chair. “Not even close.”

 

 **Emmydollin** : _Where do you live?_

 

“Not important,” I put it simply. “Though LtMkilla seems to know. 'Closer than you'd think,' huh?” I poked fun at him.

 

 **LtMkilla** : _unbelievably so_

 **LtMkilla** : _it might shock you..._

 **Emmydollin** : _I have to go!_

 **Emmydollin** : _Love you Gavin!!! <3_

 

We all said our good byes to Emmy and sat in silence for a while. “Have you seen me in public?” I chimed in.

 

 **LtMkilla** : _I can't be positive._

 

“Maybe we should meet up?”

 

 **LtMkilla** : _heh_.

 **LtMkilla** : _Maybe someday when I'm not a chicken._

 **LtMkilla** : _Plus you've got that guy that you're going to talk to remember._

 

“I never said that there would be anything sexual in between us.” I tucked my knees up under my chin. “I think it would be great to meet you, is all. Since you claim we're so close.”

 

 **LtMkilla** : _yeah_

 

“So what is this all about talking to 'him?'” Meg asked. I looked to her video and she had put down her hood again.

“I just need to talk to him. Or rather let him talk. I realized that I was an idiot and now I just need to fix everything.”

“How are you going to do that?”

“I haven't got the slightest clue.”

 

 **LtMkilla** : _maybe you should start by saying you love him_

 **LtMkilla** : _You've said that you were gonna do that right?_

 

“I think that's a good idea!” Meg answered enthusiastically. “Just walk up to him and confess!”

“I think it would be weird if I did that.” I hugged my legs tighter and tighter around my legs. The anxiety I felt in my chest at the thought of walking up and uttering a single phrase to Michael was unreal. _How would I be able to tell him that I love him if I can't even say hello?_ “It's been a week since we've talked last.”

I thought about the last time Michael and I had had a conversation as a couple. It was just before the game that Friday. He dropped me off at my house and gave me his varsity jacket. He told me something that I could remember and I told him, “Don't get cocky,” hoping he would pick up on the Star Wars reference, which he did. He told me, “That's not how you Han Solo someone.” Of course, the proper way to 'Han Solo' someone would be replying, “I know,” when someone said they loved you. _Did Michael know I was going to tell him I loved him?_


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: HEY YOUNGBLOOD (this chapter took so much longer than I thought and also guess what? my fic didn’t end saturday woo because it’s sunday now but this isn’t the last chapter anyway but it’s def coming hohoho)

 “What do you think of this?” Lindsay said from her place on the gym floor, five feet from me. She pulled me out of my train of thought. My mind had been drifting to the previous night and the conversations I'd had with LtMkilla after Meg had left the Tinychat.

 

_“Why don't you just put your video up? Meg is gone now.”_

_**LtMkilla** : I'm the last person you want to see right now_

_**LtMkilla** : Given the circumstances._

_“I'm sure that's not true.”_

_**LtMkilla** : How would you know?_

_“I just have a good sense about you. You seem nice. You remind me of Michael.”_

_**LtMkilla** : …_

_“Sorry, that's weird to say. I've just been thinking about him a lot tonight.”_

_**LtMkilla** : Why don't you call him?_

_**LtMkilla** : I'm sure he'd love to hear from you._

_“I don't think I could muster the guts.”_

 

“Earth to Gavin,” Lindsay said, sitting slightly closer and waving a hand in front of my eyes.

“Oh, uh,” I looked at the floor where she had set out a jar full of confetti and miscellaneous glitter. “Yeah, that looks great.”

“Do you even remember what this is for?” She giggled. She sat back in her spot and capped the jar.

“I don't have the slightest recollection.”

“We're going to spread it over the tables. I swear, you've been in your own head all day. Do you even remember me walking you through where everything was going to be?”

“I do.” I paused to think, making sure I did fully remember. I could recall that we set up the tables and that she made a shopping list including tablecloths. I remembered other things like what my job would be and where I was going to be set up. Other than that, I couldn't remember much. “At least, I remember the things I need to.”

She stood up, her socks sliding slightly on the floor of the gym. It was after school hours and we didn't need to worry about teachers disturbing us. We'd both taken of our shoes as soon as the janitor was done sweeping the floor. Unfortunately, I didn't have time to talk to Michael during the school day. We were busy with a test in Calculus. He had a meeting with his team during lunch. The pep rally was eighth period, but Michael ducked out of art completely, most likely in preparation. He was gone before I could catch him after the final bell rang. “Gav, seriously,” She joked and pulled me to my feet. “We have to get something done today and it would help if you payed attention.”

“Sorry,” I apologized, slipping my sneakers back on to my feet. She followed and we left the confetti jar on the floor of the gym. We walked to the exit leading to the back where Lindsay's car was parked.

“Okay, so,” she went on, climbing into the driver's seat and pulling out a notepad. “We've got all this shit to get from the store.” She started going through the list as I slipped into the passenger seat and again, I zoned out.

 

_**LtMkilla** _ _: why not?_

_“I'm afraid that his opinion of me has changed.”_

_**LtMkilla** : Why would that change?_

_“Because I went off on him and then refused to talk to him for a week. I haven't really treated him well.”_

_**LtMkilla** : He probably thinks he deserved it._

_**LtMkilla** : From what you've said about the situation._

_**LtMkilla** : If I were him, I'd be dying to hear from you._

_“Yeah, but you're not him and I didn't yell at you.”_

_**LtMkilla** : Regardless._

_**LtMkilla** : He said he loved you, didn't he?_

_**LtMkilla** : I'm sure he meant it._

_**LtMkilla** : And still does._

 

“Here we are!” Lindsay put the car in park and killed the engine. I looked at the store before us. I was so far out of it that I didn't even realize we had left the school parking lot. “I need you to do something while we shop around.” We walked through the doors and Lindsay grabbed a cart, handing me the notepad.

“And what's that?” I took a pen she was handing me and took the cap off.

“I need you to write down a bunch of slow songs because the guy we got needs a playlist.”

“Why do I have to? I hardly know any popular slow songs.” We turned down the isle with all of the party decorations in it.

“Because I have to put everything else together since your head is somewhere else.” Her eyes scanned up and down the shelves. I let out a heavy sigh and thought of songs I could put down, hardly coming up with anything. At the end of the shopping trip, I handed the notepad back to Lindsay and she read them aloud.

“'That one song with P!nk and that guy from fun., the song by fun. that's slow is also good, I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston, I Won't Give Up by guy that sounds roughly like Rascal Flatts, Give Me Love by Ed Sheeran' and you circled Ed Sheeran and wrote off to the side 'he's nice I like him.'” She paused to open her trunk and asked me to put the bags away. “'Something by Taylor Swift because girls love Taylor Swift, Only Exception by red head chick with the jaw of a goddess, I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston,' Gavin were you even trying?”

“I told you,” I said putting the last bag in the truck and slamming the lid shut. “I don't really know any slow songs.”

“Okay, well, we'll make due with what we have.” We drove back to the high school and unpacked the supplies. The rest of the night was spent putting together the rest of the dance. By the time we were done it was 9. We walked back out to her car after she'd promised me a ride home. While she was starting the engine, she looked to me and gave me half a smile. “Did you, maybe, want to go to the football game? There's still about an hour left.”

I looked down at my hands, debating if I should. I really wanted to see Michael in his football uniform and I wanted to be there to support him but I couldn't possibly talk to him. The thought of being near him and him finding out was nerve-wracking. “I think I'll just go home tonight.”

“Alright.” She said it simply and didn't bother to ask any further questions. Of course she knew why I didn't want to go, but I felt like she was still trying to get Michael and I back together. She drove me to my house and as she was dropping me off she told me the time that I needed to be at the dance and where to go. I told her I was thankful for the ride home and that I would see her later.

I walked in the front door and up to my room where I collapsed on my bed. I pulled my quilt around my shoulders. I didn't want to put it away. I didn't feel like I needed the support anymore, but it was still nice to know where it was. I pulled out my phone and brought up my most recent conversation with Michael. The last message that was sent was, “Please, don't contact me again.” I thought about texting him and I cringed in response to how nervous the thought made me. I wanted to tell him to come over and climb into my bed. I was so incredibly lonely. _Am I really just lonely?_ I tried to fill my mind with someone else coming to my bed and laying beside me, just to keep me company like Michael had done the second night we were together. Everyone I imagined there was automatically replaced with an image of him and as I turned to my side, I could almost feel his body pressed up against mine. _I'm not lonely. I miss Michael._

I opened a new message and began to type just that, tears clouding my vision. Before I could finish the message and hit send, I drifted to sleep.


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: you know what’s really good music to write cutes to? Lights. Cutes are coming in next chapter and that’s pretty much where the next fic is going to start off. I’m guessing this one will end at 52 but I can’t say for sure. This chapter includes Joelay

 I woke up to my phone vibrating in my hand. The light was flooding my room and it took my a while to adjust my eyes enough to see the screen. Placing it to my ear and sitting up in bed, I answered it without knowing who was calling.

“Hello?”

“Why am I always waking you up?” Ray's voice chimed in. “This is getting ridiculous.”

“What time is it?” I rubbed at my eyes and stood up, heading to the bathroom to empty my bladder.

“It's noon, dude.”

“Holy shit,” I responded groggily thinking about when I fell asleep the previous night. I couldn't recall the exact time, but it couldn't have been past ten when I closed my eyes. “I think I slept for fourteen hours.” I flushed the toilet and walked over to the mirror. My hair was a mess and I had dried drool on the side of my face. I was desperately in need of a shave, but I was feeling too lazy to pick up my razor.

“How in the hell-” He cut himself short. “Anyway, that's not important. What is important is that Joel wants to take me out to eat before the dance because he wants to meet my date.”

“I thought I told you not to call him by his first name around me.” I shut the door and began undressing myself for a shower. “It's just so weird.”

“Yeah, sorry. But, I need you to be there. It would be super weird if my date and I went out to dinner with a teacher.”

“It's super weird you're unofficially dating a teacher, Ray.”

“I know, but I don't care. I don't really need your support.”

I sighed. “That's not what I meant. Where is he thinking about going?”

“Just the one burger joint downtown.”

“The one next to the movie theater?”

“Yeah that's the one.”

“What time?”

“Like, four. My date is coming here and then Jo-Mr. Heyman is going to take us. Do you think you could get a ride there?”

“Could I just walk to your house?” I was fully undressed and waiting for the call to be over so I could turn on the water.

“Yeah, that's fine. My date is coming here to get pictures at 3:30 so come around then or before if you want some.”

“I'll definitely be there. Who is your date?”

“Her name is Courtney and she's really nice.”

“I trust she is. Sounds like you have a bit of a crush?” I teased him.

“Shut up. I have feelings for someone else I can't have a crush.”

“Ray, c'mon,” my tone was sarcastic.

“Oh my god. I have a crush.” I could hear the panic in his voice. “What do I do? The two people I like are going to be sitting across from each other. Gavin, you can not back out, do you hear me?”

“I wouldn't think of it. I need a shower though. I'll be over in a bit, okay?”

“Okay. Don't take long and come over whenever. I really don't know what to do.”

“Alright, see you.”

I hung up the phone and turned on the shower. After I was done washing, I quickly dried my hair as much as I could with my towel and threw on clothes that were laying on my usually tidy floor. I checked to make sure I had my wallet and my phone and I started walking to Ray's house.

It was a fairly nice day outside. The sun was shining but it wasn't too warm outside. The beginning of October had been pretty kind, weather wise. It looked like a perfect day for couples to take pictures in their outfits for the dance. In the back of my mind, I couldn't help but think about Michael. I thought about him and his date and who they might be. I was sure that someone had asked him, most likely before the first day of school had even started. I couldn't remember him ever telling me about the girl he was taking. I pictured taking pictures in Michael's backyard. I would most likely have been invited if we were still dating. I would be sitting on the side lines watching him pose with some girl he pitied, or maybe even Barb. He'd be in a suit and would probably look so handsome. Maybe we could have even had our pictures taken together, if he would have been okay with that in front of his parents.

I approached Ray's house and was snapped out of my thoughts when he ran out the front door to meet me. He was dressed in an unbuttoned dress shirt with a white tank top under it half tucked in to a pair of black and red gym shorts.

“Holy shit I'm so glad you're here.” He threw an arm around my shoulders and led me inside. “I'm starting to lose it because my mom just got called in to work and won't be here to take pictures and my pants are wrinkled to shit and I don't know how to use an iron. Do you know how to use an iron? Because I don't.”

“Ray,” I interjected when he took a breath. “You're rambling, you need to calm down.”

“I absolutely can not do that, Gavin.”

As he paced back and forth, I ironed his pants for them. He immediately put them on, running upstairs to find a black belt. After Ray had finally calmed down and started acting like a normal human being, we sat on the couch and talked about the evening we were about to have.

“Aren't you upset you won't actually be going to homecoming?” He asked me as he fiddled with the buttons on his shirt.

“Not really. I don't know why people keep asking me that.” I switched my gaze to the ground in front of me.

“It's your senior homecoming. The last one.”

“I've never been to a homecoming.”

“Not even in England?”

“I never went to school dances.”

“That's pretty lame, Gavin.”

“My boyfriend never wanted me to go. He never wanted to go.”

“If you and Michael were still dating and he wanted you to go, would you?”

The question made my heart sink. “I don't see why I wouldn't.”

“That would be interesting, right? Having the star football player come out at the dance?”

“He would never.”

“Why do you say that?” He leaned towards me, resting his arms across his legs.

“He doesn't want to come out. It was something we talked about.” I slouched down into the couch, trying to avoid looking at him in fear I may burst into tears.

“He's a surprising guy, ya know? He's always doing things out of the ordinary. Would you be okay if he just decided to come out to the entire school? It would kind of force you out too, if you two were still dating that is.”

“I think I would be. I wanted to scream that I loved him from the mountains. It couldn't be all that bad.”

He took out his phone, acting surprised at my reaction and started moving his fingers frantically. “I didn't think you were ready for that.”

“I mean, it doesn't matter now because we're not dating.”

“Right, right.” His sentence trailed off as he finished whatever he was typing. “Courtney should be here soon.”

I checked the time and it was just turning 3:20. “Did you want to wait on the porch?”

“Sounds like a good plan.”

We moved ourselves to the front porch, Ray making sure that his shirt was tucked in and his hair was brushed off to the side before he sat down on one of the steps. I sat next to him and we waited there for twenty minutes and there were still no signs of Courtney.

“Should you text her or something?” I suggested. “Maybe she forgot the time.”

Ray chuckled nervously and straightened his collar. “No, she'll be here.”

We waited and waited without a single car driving down the road. The only one that showed up was Mr. Heyman's. He pulled up in his new looking black Taurus and got out, greeting us.

“Where's the chick?” He asked with a laugh. Ray was silent and when I looked over to him, he was frowning and staring intently at the ground.

“Let me call her,” I said, reaching into Ray's pocket for his phone. He didn't seem to stir.

I brought up her contact and dialed. After hearing four rings, the other line finally picked up.

“Hello?” A male's voice answered.

“Um, hi,” I started. “I'm one of Ray's friends and I'm just calling to see if Courtney is coming?”

“Coming to...” The man's voice trailed off as if it were a question.

“Coming to Ray's for homecoming pictures. She's his date after all.”

The man laughed. “Hey, Courtney! This loser thought you were serious when you said yes!”

My heart sank and I was hoping Ray couldn't hear the voice on the line. “Nice talking to an ass hole like you.” I hung up the phone and slipped it back into Ray's pocket.

Mr. Heyman looked at me with a hurt expression on his face and we both looked to Ray at the same time. “Ray,” He started, trying to grab his attention from the sidewalk. “Ray, let's go to dinner.”

“Sure.” Ray replied simply. We all got up at once and climbed into Mr. Heyman's car.


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: Here’s another. I’m not going to be able to write the rest tonight but It’s looking like I was right with there being two chapters left. my heart is all llasjdfjkasdkjf because my fic is ending and it’s nice but also sad

 During dinner, it took some convincing from both myself and Mr. Heyman to get Ray interested in going to homecoming. There was a lot of protesting and sad looks from him but eventually he agreed after Mr. Heyman kissed him on the cheek. It was a little odd for me to watch, but the way the Ray's face lit up after made me happy. I took a picture of them together in the booth seat we had. Ray was still wearing his dress shirt and tie and Mr. Heyman was wearing a gray polo. He slung his arm around Ray's shoulders and they both gave a genuine smile.

Lindsay had told me to show up around six so I could get set up. Mr. Heyman was more than happy to drop me off at the school after we stopped at my house to get a coat. I couldn't seem to find my own, so I dug into my mother's closet and grabbed a black North Face jacket that was just my size surprisingly.

My table was set up out front of the gym entrance. I met Lindsay there as she was setting up a cheap cash register type box with slots for all the bills.

“Hey!” She greeted me when I reached the table.

“Sorry I'm a little late.” I looked into the gym. She'd added a few more things since the previous night. “Oh, wow! The decorations look top!”

“I'm glad you like them.” I could tell she was a little nervous. “Okay, so I'm gonna give you the rundown, are you ready?”

“Absolutely.”

“Alright. So, you're just gonna sit here and take tickets and give them out. Tickets will go under the tray, through the slot here,” She pointed to the front of the box. “Tickets are $8 for a single and $15 for two. You'll sit here until, like, 9 or something like that and then you won't have to anymore.”

“I thought I was going to be here the whole time.”

“I mean, if you want to be, you can be. You could leave after you're done too. I would like if you stayed though.”

“I'll probably just sit here until it's over. I think Ray's mom is my ride home.”

“That works. Anyway, at 9, we're going to do the announcements for king and queen. You weren't at the game last night, but Barb won queen and Michael won king. Big surprise, right?”

I laughed and rolled my eyes. “Who is Michael coming with?” I couldn't stop myself from asking her. I was too curious.

“Barb.” I figured it would be her answer. “I didn't really want to tell you because I didn't know how you would react.”

“I talked to Barb about it. It's totally fine.”

“I see.” She smiled and continued telling me about the night. I found it a little odd that she didn't ask why I hadn't spoken to Michael but I tucked the thought away, soaking up all the information. After she had finished, she went to check on the DJ and flipped off the lights for the gym. It was just rounding 7 o'clock and students were about to walk around the corner to the gym and start filling it up. I heard the music start playing as the first students arrived.

I took tickets for a while, many of the students asking why I wasn't dressed up and dancing with everyone. I laughed and made small talk with some of them, feeling very uncomfortable but I shrugged it off. Ray approached the table at around 7:45.

“Late to the party, I see,” I teased him. He laughed and handed me the double ticket he'd bought for him and Courtney.

“Have you seen Chris or Miles yet?” He asked, walking around and joining me at my seat, sitting on my knee.

“No,” I continued to take tickets. “Neither of them have showed up, though I saw Kara.”

“I'm just gonna hang out with you until they show up.”

“That's fine. Could you find a chair though? You've got a boney ass.” He pretended to be offended and stood up. “Or, maybe you just had a bone up your ass,” I joked in a hushed voice, careful not to let the students in line hear me.

“I'll tell you that story later,” He smiled and winked and took off down a connecting hallway in search of a chair.

As soon as he left, I was greeted by Michael and Barbara. My heart sank when I turned my head and saw them. Michael looked very handsome and I could feel myself blushing as I switched my gaze to Barbara. Her dress was short and black, ruffling around her thighs. She smiled at me and handed me the tickets. Michael looked at me and gave me a half smile. The nervous feeling in my stomach picked up and I felt like I was going to throw up.

“Having fun being the ticket bitch?” Barbara asked jokingly.

“U-uh, yeah,” I managed to get out, rubbing the back of my neck and looking away.

Barbara chuckled and they waited around the table for a little longer than I was prepared for. Ray came running back down the hallway with a chair and slowed down when he saw who was standing in line. I stood up and started walking away.

“You two look great.” I passed Ray and whispered for him to take tickets while I used the bathroom. I didn't look back. I could feel the tears running down my face. _Why couldn't I just talk to him?_

I spent about twenty minutes in the bathroom trying to get my breathing under control. When I returned, Ray was seated with Chris.

“You alright?” Ray asked, hardly concerned.

“I'm fine now.” They stood up and I replaced them at the table. There wasn't anyone in line.

“We're gonna go in now,” Ray said, walking towards the doors. “Are you gonna be okay by yourself?”

“I'll be okay.”

They walked in and I was alone in the hall.


	53. Chapter 53

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: god it feels so weird to have an actual number instead of a question mark. [this was referring to the fact that the fic stayed 1-50/? until this chapter where it changed to 51/52] This one is from Michael’s POV so enjoy

 I was so nervous. My heart was pounding in my chest. When I saw Gavin at the front table I wanted to tell him right then and there that I loved him. I wanted to make it up to him. I wanted to take him in my arms in front of everyone, but I knew I couldn't. It wasn't the right time.

Lindsay texted me the night before with the songs Gavin had written down. I laughed at how ridiculous his list was. I missed that Gavin. I missed the Gavin that would joke around and make dumb comments on everything I said. I missed spending time with him and I missed hearing his stupid voice. I missed him and I wanted to tell him, but I knew I couldn't. It wasn't the right time.

Ray texted me confirmation of what I wanted to know. I read through the message and I couldn't believe it. Even though I felt bad that Ray led him into an answer, I was still ecstatic. It meant we could move on with my plan. It meant that I might actually get to have Gavin in my arms again. I couldn't wait. I wanted to run out to the ticket table and pull him into me right then, in the midst of all the students dancing around me, but I couldn't. It wasn't the right time.

“Enjoying yourself?” Lindsay asked as she started dancing around me. I joined in and we merged with the group of dancing students on the gym floor.

“I will be soon enough,” I could feel my breath catch in my throat. _Was I ready for this?_

“Is Michael Vincent Jones really going to do this?”

“Only if Lindsay Elise Tuggey is by my side in case I start crying.” She laughed and hit my shoulder.

“You'll be fine, Michael.”

“I'm nervous as shit.”

“I said you'll be fine!” She checked the time on her phone. “It's almost time to crown the king!”

“Great.” She raced off towards the DJ at the beginning of the next song and Barbara soon took her place, dancing much more closely to me than she had.

“How are you feeling?” She raised her voice over the pounding bass.

“Sick to my stomach,” I replied.

“You'll do fine, Mikey!”

“Everyone keeps saying that,” I stopped dancing and started to walk off to the side, Barbara following closely behind. “I don't believe it for a second.”

“Oh, come on! You love the kid.” I took a seat and she continued to dance in front of me. “Everything will end up alright!”

“I don't know.”

“Just wait for when it's time.”

“Yeah, sure.”

She danced her way back into the crowd of people jumping on the floor. I leaned forward in my chair that was sitting against the far wall. My head was pounding and I was practically drowning in my own thoughts. _What if he says no? What do I do? I can't force him to come back to me. I can't even look at him without him getting all weird. We haven't talked in a week. What if he doesn't like me anymore?_

I sighed and nervously cracked the joints in my fingers one by one as the song came to an end. There wasn't one that played after and the gym fell into silence. Lindsay's voice came over the speakers.

“Welcome to Homecoming 2013!” I looked to the makeshift stage the DJ was set up on and she was standing atop it, looking excited as ever. “It's come time to crown the kind and queen! The announcement was made at last night's game that Michael Jones and Barbara Dunkleman are this year's winners! Of course it's time to give them their crowns and their one dance together as royalty. Could Barb and Michael come up to the stage, please?”

 _This was it._ I got up from my spot and made my way up to the stage, students applauding and cheering as I walked by. Normally, I would have bathed in the attention but that night, I wanted to hide away more and more with every eye that looked my way. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as well as the echoing it was causing in my head. I couldn't hear anything and as I climbed up the stage steps, I nearly lost my footing.

I looked out over the crowd and Barbara joined me at my side. I looked to her and she gave me a smile and a reassuring arm rub. I must have looked terrified.

Lindsay walked up to Barb and put the crown on her head. I had to lean down so she could reach to put mine on. I felt like the room was spinning.

“And now, the king and queen's dance!” Lindsay said a little too sing song. The crowd applauded and Barb looked at me again, smiling. I closed my eyes for a split second, trying to pretend the room was empty. When I opened them back up, everyone was still present and cheering. I turned my head to Lindsay and she was by my side with the microphone. I took it out of her hands without a second thought and walked to the very front of the stage.

“I'm sorry, could I have everyone's attention.” My voice was shaky and my hands could barely grip the mic. “I know that the king and queen usually have their dance together, but I don't want to do that. I don't think it would be fair. I want to dance with the person I've been seeing since August. They're very important to me and I don't think I could go on much longer without them.” I scanned the crowd for Ray and he was already running out the door.


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original author's note: I typed 52/52 and now I’m crying. There will be a mirror of this fic posted to AO3 hopefully soon once I get this set up. I really hope you all enjoy the ending, it’s making my heavy heart a little lighter <3

 The music had stopped and I was jolted awake. There hadn't been a single person in line since 8:30 and I was beyond tired. It didn't make any sense for me to be tired since I had slept for fourteen hours the night before. The last time I remembered sleeping that long was in the months following my break up with Dan. I didn't want to admit it was depression but I had completely lost my will to live. It felt very similar to my state of being that night at the dance. I decided I should go to the bathroom while there was a pause in the music. I didn't think I would be awake at any other point

As I was walking back to my stand at the front of the gym, I heard feet shuffling quickly down the hallway. I rounded the corner and saw Ray bolting towards me.

“Where did you go?” he panted as he caught up with me.

“Why, is there someone in line?” I was pulled by the arm and we both took off down the hallway. “Why are we running?” I yelped.

“You'll see!”

As we approached the gym, I knew something was wrong. It was dead silent. There wasn't a single person talking. The music still wasn't playing. Nothing.

“What's going on?” I asked as we entered the gym. The student body was gathered on the floor in the darkness as if they were waiting for something. When students turned to me and started whispering and gasping, I knew it was me they were waiting for. Someone came up behind me and put something heavier on my shoulders, Ray pausing to fix and adjust it for me. I looked down and it was Michael's letterman jacket. When I turned around I saw Barbara giving me a thumbs up from the wall. “Ray,” I whispered. “What the hell is going on?”

“Come with me,” he took my hand and we started heading into the mass of kids. They parted ways, some of them smiling and others patting me on the back. I was confused and disoriented and my heart would not keep a normal pace. A familiar song started playing as we neared the center of the floor. As soon as I heard the opening I knew it was the Ed Sheeran song I had picked out for Lindsay and I knew who I was going to see at the center of the crowd. The only person that I could think of that would plan out something as cheesy as playing 'Give Me Love' and would lead me to the center of a crowd. “Cliche,” I whispered under my breath, thinking of the night we spent looking at the stars together. “Cliche as hell.”

Sure enough, the students around me opened up to a pocket and Michael was standing in the middle, biting his lip and looking nervous. I noticed that Ray was no longer leading me and I had stopped about three feet into the pocket, not more than two from Michael. I started to tear up.

“M-Michael,” I couldn't get another word out. My throat decided to stop working.

“Gavin,” He said my name and I didn't realize how much I'd missed him saying it until that moment. His hand was outstretched to me. I could feel everyone's eyes on us. “Could I have this dance?” The students craned their necks, waiting for my answer.

I couldn't help but start crying. I cried in front of everyone and I felt so vulnerable. I tried to answer him but my voice had escaped me again. I shook my head yes and gave him my hand. He pulled me into him and he wrapped his hands around my waist so quickly, pressing his body to mine. I felt safe and all my vulnerability had evaporated.

“I'm so sorry,” he whispered into my ear. The kids around us gave cheers and applauded then quickly broke into their own dances.

“D-don't b-be,” I managed to get out as I threw my arms around his neck. I hid my head in his neck and we swayed there, back and forth in the center of the dance floor. “I should b-be the sorry one.”

“Shut up.” He pulled me closer and moved one of his hands to my back. “Let's be done with that.”

“Okay.”

After the song was over, all the students cheered once more before the dance music kicked back in. Michael took me by the hand and led me out of the gym and down the hallway where my locker was located. We sank down to the floor behind the stair case that led up to the second floor so we were out of sight of any of the people that might come walking down the corridor.

“So,” he said, looking at me and locking his hand with mine. Our fingers intertwined and I couldn't help but blush.

“That was really elaborate,” I leaned my head on his shoulder and I heard him exhale softly.

“I wanted to do something big.” His head fell on top of mine. His thumb rolled over the back of my hand in long pets. “I didn't know any other way to get you to talk to me.”

“I'm sorry, Micahel. Barbara told me-”

“I know,” he cut me short.

“I should have just talked to you about it.”

“Then you wouldn't have gotten the dance you wanted.”

I felt my heart flutter. _He remembered._

“I missed you, Gav.”

“I missed you too, Michael.” I moved my head out from under his, causing him to readjust himself so he was looking at me. I slowly reached up and put a nervous hand on his jaw. As I leaned in, his hand crept up into my hair and our lips met. We kissed hard and passionately until I pulled away and snuggled into his neck. “Michael?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

He gasped a little but tried to hide it from me. “I know,” he responded with a chuckle.

“You can't Han Solo me!” I protested jokingly.

“No, I mean, I know. I've known for a while. It's what made me keep trying to get you back.”

“I don't understand...” I waited for him to go on, but he didn't. “Michael, I don't-”

“I'm LtMkilla. On YouTube. I've been watching you from the start.”

I couldn't process the words at first. My cheeks grew red again. _He's been watching me. Every single video. Everything I've said._ At first, I was angry that he hadn't told me and kept it a secret. He'd talked to me directly and been so secretive about it and I didn't even have the slightest clue. Then I thought about all the times that he'd helped me out and talked me into talking to him again. Of course it was all an elaborate way to trick me into talking to him again off the internet.

“Please don't be mad.”

I giggled and snuggled further into his neck. “Closer than you'd think, huh?”


End file.
